So today I'm going to do a post about little things in my life...getting to know me a little more. [It has a lot of photos randomly thrown in , sorry! :)]Right now I’m on the phone with my best friend, Reem. She's what we call "on mars"! She is past gone, and she is holding me hostage on the phone. Seriously! She isn’t talking about shit really. But since I'm a "good friend" I'll stay on the phone with her high ass. The weekend is almost here...Yes! I get to go home and do a little shopping...and guess whose paying? My Mother! Yahhh :D! I love shopping more when it's not my money!
[Me, Mommy, & Ilysha-my sis-]
I TOTALLY hate school right now. Like...that’s really an understatement. I hate these people. I hate being around them. I hate that they don’t have daily events like my first college had. I hate that my best friends [Ally& Reem] are sooo far away from me. I miss them. I never realized what good times we had freshman year until now. They kept me sane and laughing. I left them to come here to be closer to home and so far that’s the only positive. I hate Arkansas in general. [Ok, so we been on the phone for an hour and she just rambling about shit...yall stay away from drugs--! :)] I'm thinking about moving to Texas next year. REALLY considering. Change schools [again], find an apartment, and other things I'd have to do to get myself prepared for the move over the summer. Arkansas is just not where I want to be in my future. The ONLY factor is my family; I can't live without them--and so far away is basically being without them.
My Bestfriends and I:
[Me and Reem- I love this girl! :)]
[Me & Ally- I love this girl too! :)]
[From last halloween, we dont hv many pics of ALL of us together. Sad right?.]So today my ex texted me. I haven’t heard from nor contacted him since the beginning of September. And all of a sudden he texts me today. It was an innocent text. "I saw your mom."[Mind you he saw her like 2-3 weeks ago but thought he should text me today to tell me.] Of course I already knew that, I was with her. No he didn’t see me and I wasn’t going to go out of my way to speak to him. I mean for what? We haven’t talked which clearly means we don’t really have shit to say. Anywho when I received the text I was kinda shocked to see his number go across the screen. But for the first time EVER, I didn’t have a rush of emotions fill my heart. Memories didn’t try to cram themselves to the front of my mind, didn’t try to find the/an underlying reason for him texting me...for the first time my reaction was normal. And, IM HAPPY! It means that I've FINALLY made progress, that I've finally at least taken one step. :)! -It's been a long time coming-! [This girl just randomly blurted out "Whoop Whoop" in the middle of our conversation.] What else is there to say? Hmmm...Um, well I was talking to a few guys...well not really "talking to them" just holding conversations with them. Yes it’s a difference. When I'm "talking" to someone that means I'm trying to get to know them as well as them trying to get to know them rather than just having pointless conversations where they are trying to get to know me but I'm not really fucked up about anything they have to say..At all. Yeah, haven’t found anyone really worth investing my time in. I refuse to end up the same love lost position I've been in for the last year again. Absolutely REFUSE! [She has said Hello about 2564 times since we've been on the phone. That's like the most frustrating thing ever.]....I miss my sisters. I miss them so dearly. I love my little darlings and can’t wait to see them tomorrow! They really bring happiness to my life. Oh...we've been moving for what seems like a year [4 months], Ughhh I want this to be over. [Reem just said "Earlier I felt like I was walking on marshmallows."...wtf? Lol!] Ughhh, I'm just ready to see my mother back to her usual crazy self. She calls me every day and vents about life...when she never even talked to me when we stayed in the same house. I’m happy about this as well. She is probably the craziest woman you could ever meet, but I don’t know where I'd be without her. I love her and owe her my life!
[Nika -my lil sis-& I]
[Bad pic, but My sisters & I !]
[lol, Me and my sissy's---OLD pic clearly!!]
Random: Oh, how I miss my Meech---He's my brother now! :) .Oh, I guess since I shouted out everyone else--there is this guy who wants to be with me. Who wants me say "I love you" [the horrid forbidden words] to him so bad, and that is something I just can’t do. Like I said I REFUSE to be back in that shitty love lost position. He’s cool though...probably knows more about me than any other guy. And he ACTUALLY accepts me flaws and all...I've never truly had that. But I have serious trust issues. I need to find someone to talk to. I would tell yall a way I handle not trusting anyone enough to talk to them, but yall would probably think I was crazy. And maybe I am, but just a little.
[An ancient pic of My Meech -brother from another other mother-and I :)]
[Me, My sister, and my Antionne-cousin-]
[AND me :D]
Yeap...I'll be back to my venting post...Don’t fret. Until next time though...Toodles!