They pretty much adore me :)

Friday, April 23

Blogger Quote of the Week : Keenya


"When our guys act up and we still choose to deal with them, have sex with them, cater to them, and allow them access to our heart, we aren't sending the message that we love them and down for whatever... we are sending a message that we stand for nothing and will allow anything..."--Keenya [Her Blog]

If you haven't already stopped by go ahead slide on over there now! Toodles!!

Thursday, April 22

Flaw #2: Shallow Bitch

Hello, My name is Robyn and I am a shallow bitch. Yeap...shallow on too many levels. I'm the girl who looks everyone I meet from head to toe..and judge them before they even open their mouth. I'm the girl who listens to the way people pronounce their words and automatically correct every word in my head. I'm the girl who looks at someone and says " she know she/he shouldnt wear that.", or " she/he should have worn this with that." I am the girl who would never date a guy based SOLEY on his personality. I am the girl who will not go on a "date" with someone I dont find cute at the moment.[I say "at the moment" because I have looked back and thought what was I thinking?..] Point blank, I am the girl who bases too many things on apperance. And, I am working on it. I try to contol those first thoughts that come in my mind...try to judge people based on their personality instead of their looks. I have always been scared to face my insecurities and weaknesses and now that I'm trying to confront them all at the same time...I'm realizing too many things that I never knew.I'm finding myself and trying to be my definition of a better person. It's working...kinda. I don't know how to just turn off my judgement when I see people! Don't get me wrong..I am very open-minded...but when it comes to how ones apperance should be,my mind closes. And I become THAT bitch, that shallow bitch too scared to face her own insecurities, so she picks at others! I'm a work in progress...Toodles

Thursday, April 15

Phone Sex :X..blah!

So a fellow blogger,Khaki, is having a "30 Day Quest to Phone Sex" over on her blog--> [*Not All Baltimore Chicks are Stupid*]. She's attempting to perfect her lack of skills at phone sex. Swear it is hella entertaining...and if you haven’t checked her blog out...What the hell are you waiting for?

Anywho her post got me thinking on the whole phone sex thing...and how much I totally despise it! The purpose of phone sex is an alternative form of pleasure when you’re not really in that person’s presence. But for me...that shit does nothing but leave me irritated as hell. I used to participate just for the satisfaction of the guy...It used to be interesting to hear their reactions...and the shit they say to continue my "fantasy" I’m describing at the moment. I assume they all just love hearing the nasty fantasy filled words escaping my mouth. They enjoy the fake moaning, the thought that I’m actually masturbating while on the phone...I always wondered were the guys on the other side really jacking off to the sound of my voice. Well my slightly altered voice. *Softened voice, light moans building to loud if dick were really being delivered to me.*Or were they acting like me? Either way...they enjoyed it, and I'd like to think I was damn good at it. My moans alone would leave me in a state ready to...*clears throat*, ... I mean I have a way with my words that could make any freak horny....

*excerpt from the OTHER blog:*
Hello, My name is [insert alter ego name here], Ms.Extacee if you nasty. Would you like a quickie? --Excuse me, I meant would you like to fuck me senseless?...Ready?.....

[Insert the nasty beggining that I think is too raunchy for this blog]....
Let me put my pretty pussy on your face. Mmmm, yes that's right daddy [mami] , lick it like you own it. Stick that tongue in deep, flick it rapidly over my clit...and don’t forget to slightly nibble. Yes, I love that shit. Show me that you have the skills I yearn for. Make sure you grip my ass, roughly...Please. Oooooh, dig your nails into my ass....[continued with the extra raunchyness.]

& those are the cleanest line I could find on that post. Point proven?...Anywho,Back to the point!
I enjoyed phone sex the firsttime i tried it. It was a bit awkward but I wasnt the one doing all the talking, he basically just wanted to hear me moan. Interesting..but then it just got really boring for me. The constant request to have phone sex...the constant irritation I am left with & the pleasure I am left without. Why participate in something that makes me crave dick even more...just to hear the sound of someone’s voice while you’re supposedly pleasing yourself? And some have talked up some extra nasty shit [Yes, I love nasty!]...leaving me moist and ready to walk to get the dick.

I no longer participate in phone sex...If the only thing I get from it is left in an even worse horny position than I started...I just see no point. You want an alternative? How about I send a few pics...or a video? But as far as that phone sex thing, I retired a while sorry bruh, call a hotline or some other shit. What are your thoughts on phone sex? To participate or not to participate?...Ok, Toodles!

Wednesday, April 14

Blogger Quote of the Week : Tzitzi

I recently came across a blogger..that quickly made her way into my favorites. Her writting style.... fuckin amazing.

"Hearts are never made to be bulletproof, but they can chip like paint peeling from steel dungeons of heat."--Tzitzi [*HER BLOG*]

If you haven't checked her..gone head and go do that now! :) Toodles!

Monday, April 12

Hello, My name is Random, Bytch :x


Writers block is kicking my ass today. I’ve started 5 poems today and have yet to finish one. I was trying to get a late start on participating in poetry month...but clearly that shit just isn’t working out for me. I only write well when something is on my mind bothering me. Or giving me a feeling of complete bliss. And today neither is really going on. Today I am blank as a canvas ready to be painted on. Hmm, reminds me that I haven’t painted in a while. I keep telling myself that I want to paint a picture of my father holding me...but I just can't bring myself to do that...not now. I don’t want a tear drenched painting. I want it to be happy, joyful...and I have a beautiful effect to add to it...whenever I finish it. Well whenever I start it. I painted a total of 3 pictures of the ex. I think I’m going to discard them today...I no longer wish to look at them. They no longer mean anything to me. I should be happy about that but I'm really indifferent. It took an eternity to get over him...and now that I'm finally here...past eternity, what next? Someone new right? But what if I don’t feel like going to someone new either? The fact that I really don’t want anyone in my life right now scares me too. Scares me because I have to wonder have I given up on love so early? What happened to that love obsessed girl...the one who believed in fairytales? The one who dreamed of nothing more than possessing all the love in the world...what happened to her? I want her back.

My mind is drowning in the thoughts of sex. But giving up on celibacy feels like such a huge decision now that I've went so long. Seems like I'd regret it if I gave up just for some reliable mind blowing dick. *sigh*...Mind-blowing, back-breaking, pussy-aching...lovely dick. [Comes back from my building fantasy]...Where was I? Oh yea, celibacy. It's somewhat easy to not really act on impulse because I have to remember that I don’t want to be wanted for my pussy. If we break up and you contact me telling me how much you miss me...and my pussy?...I just don’t wanna hear it. Just miss inner beauty, not how my pussy feels.

Shit, I need a nice trip to Mars. Yes...that would be lovely right now. Make a phone call and have someone deliver me some good. pharmacist. But I gave that up too...I’m making so many sacrifices...they all better be worth it in the end. I'm trying to be a better person. Trying to grow...I'm making minimal progress. I recently started reading my bible every day. I was sitting in church wondering why I had never taken the time out to read the whole thing...I mean I read sooo many books for pleasure but haven’t even read half of the bible. A big part of that having to do with all the questions I am left with...all the stuff that I just can't and won’t believe...But that is for a completely different post. A bunch of random shit is running through my mind right now...taking a pit stop to discuss all of them would take forever. Besides...I think I feel like starting my painting now. Toodles.

Sunday, April 11

He say/She say bullshit...

Because I feel I need to do a post BUT I'm being so lazy tonight...I'll post another old poem! Enjoy!

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

Walk into a room and imediatley THEY whisper.
I search the crowd for a familiar face, but i see none.
But still THEY whisper.
I continue to walk..
thinking maybe they dislike my looks...maybe.
And if thats the case, i like i continue to stride with pride.
When i get close enough i hear select words.
Words to let me know, it isnt my attire their attacking.
Whispers of "I heard she fucked him"...and" Girl, i know she did him.."Knowing they cant be talking about me....KNOWING,
because i dont even know them nor the names they speak.

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

The whispers continue though,
this time i hear my name and a brief description of my life.
So i think who are these people..
..why is my name coming from their lips?
& what are these things that i did?
....When did i do them?
because I know i damn for sure dont remember him....or him.
I dont remember that or.....that
Oh.... it's ok, these people must have me confused
confused with some "hoe"..
So i take a seat and listen to all the other things
....& i think damn this "hoe" must be a porn star,
one of the best,got them talking bout her like that!
......I just wished they didn't confuse our names.

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

The looks of disgust and dissatifation are thrown my way
...I look back and say no..i have to warn them of their mistake
"Um, not being nosey..but you must have me confused with someone else...
I dont even know those people...and I have never done those things.
But the girl yall have me confused with Im sure is pretty paid..
She know all the tricks and shit, she's a pornstar right?"
They look back and laugh...I start to laugh as well at their mistake.
Laughs continue..
Then they start to respond..
"Pornstar huh?..Thats what you call yo self?..
Just cause you do what they do..dont mean u tht good."
...confused, i look back and say "No ma'am that aint me..
I havent done those things, BUT ITS OK, its a simple mistake!"

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

The laughs continue as they walk away
....So i think gosh me and tht girl must look alot alike!
I see now that its no changing their minds
....they think im her. No. They think thats me.
But how..and why?! These people dont even know me.
They heard this..and they heard that, all from their BESTfriends
so it has to be true?! or at least thats what SHE, HE...and THEY think.
But i want to prove them wrong....
Dont want those lies to be me.
So everytime i hear the whispers, i come to my defense...
"No ma'am/sir that aint me"..
same reaction everytime?!
Confusion circles my brain..
why does no one believe me?
..I mean i know me best right?
I know my actions....
I know more than they do!

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

But everyone thinks they know..
So everywhere i go, the whispers go as well.
"I heard she fucked him" and "Girl, i know she did him"
...and instead of wasting my breath i smile back at them
let them talk that shit!
Because no matter what I say...
THEY alway "know" more...
"know" more about me than i do?!
..i know right??? can that be true?
but its cool just let THEM do what they do.
Because the simple-minded are starting to takeover
People that will believe whatever
...until it comes to their name.
..Until their name gets confused with someone elses
...Until their defenses dont work
....Until the whispers start to follow them.

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and yea, THEY always believe.

Thursday, April 8

Stupid Facebook Drama!


I'm sure I stated this in a previous post but I'm hardly ever really on facebook anymore. I stop by regularly to accept friend request and respond to messages...but other than that I could do without the boredom of it all. Something that really bothers me on facebook is when silly females decide to have full-blown arguments over men that are supposed to be theirs. Every time I log in this one girl in particulars status ALWAYS pops up on my newsfeed. Every time it is a different status about her "boyfriend"[notice the quotation marks...they are on a "break" or whatev.] and how she is laughing at all the girls approaching her saying they talk to/fuck/love him. How he is hers and how all the girls making these "false" claims need to back off and stop hating. It always bothers me to read it and to read some of her so called "haters" response to them. Personally I think if she is fighting with a new bitch everyday about someone that is supposed to be hers she needs to let that shit go. Especially since I know the guy she is fighting over. This guy does not claim her at all. I KNOW at least 3 other girls he is fucking and he talks so badly about his "girlfriend" because she was supposedly "going" [got around] before they got together. [Side note: Yes, he is all kinds of wrong for that because he knew the deal before he started to lead her everybody saying he dating a hoe and he wants to renege...naw nigga, you deal with yo shit.]

She always claims to be a "grown woman" but always takes time out of her day to address every other bitch in her not so perfect picture of life. Every status she makes sounds very childish...arguing over someone who doesn’t even claim her. People coming to her page just to tell her how stupid she is, but she has friends that support it. Her friends should step in and tell her even if she is tripping about the other bitches do not entertain the people of facebook with your life drama...or better yet to leave his ass. She recently went and got a tattoo on her neck that states his name big as day.[while on their "break", BUT he's still fucking her he just doesnt claim to even hang out with her anymore.] Smh, I understand people have to make their own mistakes to really learn but how can she not see the stupidity in the whole situation.

The situation leaves her looking silly and him being triflin' as hell. [Mind you, she is only 17.] I wish I were her "friend" or even a close enough associate to tell her to do better. Her past doesn’t define her and she doesn’t
deserve the treatment from her "boyfriend" and his bitches. She's such a pretty girl...but no matter how pretty you are it can never fill the void of the brain she lacks.*sigh* I just hope if I have a daughter one day I can raise her to be better, that she IS better. Toodles.

Tuesday, April 6

[-Surprise-]: Welcome, Formspring, Blogger Quote..and all that jazz


Yes, there are limits too the questions I will actually "answer" in formspring. I will always "respond" but I will not necessarily answer the question at hand. EVERYthing doesnt need to be discussed over the internet! Ok? Especially not on my personal blog.

For those who don't follow me on twitter I recently had a mini confessional tweet session. & during the tweet session i admitted having a sex blog. A sex blog that I shut down yesterday. Some of my followers from there have decided to click the link I left there and follow me here...[*whispers: Hello playmates*]. I had 4 blogs to keep every aspect of my life seperate. One is a diary..only I can access. One is a confessional blog..and the other beside this one was the sex blog.I started it to discuss all things sexual without judgement from those who read my blog from my hometown. Without everyone knowing my that extent. But since I'm "celibate" I decided to let that one go. It was fun while it lasted.

I started that blog after this one, only had 28 post on that blog, and got up to 307 followers. The anonymous twitter account I had to link up with the sex blog got up to 904 followers in the short time I had it. Crazy right? Sex sells. Sells people to quickly push the follow button. Intrest people more than everyday life and life situations. I felt that blog was too easy. Too easy for people to be interested. Too easy...for people to really care about the substance in my writting...therefore I lost interest.The followers of this blog follow because they want to read what I have to say on a daily..without it being "raunchy", they have a sincere interest in my words. & i love you all for that. I will occasionally mix the two blogs..but to the "playmates", this blog will never be that blog...EVER!

I'm going to start doing a " Blogger Quote of the Week" type thing. When I read other blogs some words just really stand out to me..and lately its been two of which I recently discovered! :) Anywho..I'm going to collect a few quotes throughout every week from different blogs..and feature just that quote on my blog! :) For starters:

"To the emerald eyes of a mystery, when will you tell me what you want from me? if we played Scrabble would you at least spell it out for me?"--- Gwen [*Her Blog*] Check her out.

I love ALL of my followers. Thanks for even taking the time to look at the contents of my blog!... Toodles!

Monday, April 5

10 to 1

Remember, the 10 to 1 is basically writing down the 10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are :)

1. To the young man with the game of a thousand players, the one who murdered my heart, you may keep it's remains. I no longer have the will to love someone with all of my "heart", but with all of my soul. If you get a bad [broken] heart, the doctors can fix or replace it...but a soul they can not. When you miss me...try to place the pieces back together and remember what you had. But when i miss you...I'll remember that you have the remains, that now I am heartless.
2. To the chaser who tried with all of his being to steal my heart that had already been stolen, I'm sorry. Sorry that I led you on..Sorry that I hurt you, constantly. Sorry that I played with your emotions for my own satisfaction I loved you at one point...." I tried to love you, tried to love you but I can't. I was wrong about you, wrong about i need to love you need to love you..but I can't."
3. To the laughing spirit who looks over me...I miss you. I speak with you everyday, but still i miss you. I need you to hug me, i need you to kiss me, i need you to reassure me on a daily that things will be okay. Come take my tears away.
4. To the woman with the metal exterior. I love you...i need you, please never leave me. The days that i want to walk away from you I remember you made me who I am.. & if you werent available...I dont know if I'd be able to cope!
5.To the pair with enough "crazy" between you two to fill a pyschiatric hospital, Even though I hardly say it...i love you. You both have gotten me threw some of my roughest times. Even when you didnt know my pain existed , you helped more than you'll ever know. Ever. They dont get any better than you! :)
6.To the bitch...the bitch turned hoe. How I have so much disgust building up for you. So many things I'd love to say to you but I am trying to keep the peace. Stop being so fake..and tell me how you really that we no longer have to communicate.
7. To the man of many wise words, you taught me to follow my dreams; taught me never to let anyone stop me from doing what i want. You have always supported me in every situation, take care of yourself.You were a father to me when mine went missing, I love you.  & i dont want to have to say goodbye anytime soon. My heart couldnt take it!
8. To the girl who over-analyzes everything, full of beautiful dreams, and the only person i can truly be myself with...Thank you for helping me grow up. Finally.
9. To the eyes peering in my soul, reading my deepest desires, fears, and aspirations...I need you.
10.To...the other form of giver...I desserted you for a while...and now I am back. I've asked for forgiveness and i promise i will do everything in my power to rebuild that old relationship. Everything...just guide me and be with me. Please?
the mind of the dreamer with the corrupt heart, dying to be pryed open.

Saturday, April 3

I'm just so tired.

Me & her relationship....remains rocky.
& somethings I try soo hard to hold in but I am unable!

All to familiar yelling.
A few punches to the face.
Tears stream from my eyes.
Shock on your face.
You want to know why tears are rollng down my face?
You want to know why I'm crying this time...
What makes this time different from all the others?
Psychically...I feel nothing. Repeatedly
But mentally?...I'm breaking down.

Does it make you feel better when you hit me?
Does it set all of your anger free?
What pushes you to think...that I am a punching bag?
What drives you to feel relief after you bruise me?
How much damage have I done to deserve this?
....& when will it end?

Because frankly...I'm tired.

Bruised face...swollen eyes,
But I tell myself that it will be okay.
It usually is.
Where else would the anger go if not to me?
Who would have to recieve it if not me?

But this time, I am tired.

Tired of the threats,
....the mood swings
....the bruises
Tired that you never apologize.
You think it's okay.
You think because you are my shelter...
that you've purchased this punching bag.

But today, I'm just so tired Mama.
Too Tired.

Random: Love?

I always discuss how I hate the way guys come to me; trying to converse with me. How it’s unacceptable...and unwanted! The same "type" of guys...the same tired lines. So now I unknowingly walk around looking extra "stuck-up" so that they won’t even attempt to hold a conversation. I've become unapproachable. & for the time being it is fine. But what about when I DO have time for dealing with a relationship and every up and down that comes with it? What about when I think that I have gotten myself be with a man... Will I be able to show them at first glance that I really am a cool down to earth young woman? Will I be able to ever open up to him if he does come in my life....or will I hold on to past failed relations and assume that the next one won’t go any I usually do? Will I sabotage myself...will I be willing to be there for him, and not just have him there for me? Will I be able to show him love? Will I be too scared? Too scared to be hurt again? Will he be scared that I will hurt him? Will he be willing to be with me...fuckups and all? Will I be with him through the same? Will this one last?...

What about when I think I am ready....Will I be truly ready?

"I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing "

-- India.Arie


Thursday, April 1

I'm too MY blog?


Today I recieved an e-mail from some random e-mail address. Telling me how enjoyable my blog was but asking why I cursed so much..why I felt the need to be vulgar to get my point across.

When  I first started my blog I censored myself so much because I thought only about my audience. ALL of my audience. I thought about how some people may be offended if I cursed too much..or if I mentioned the gritty details on sex..! So, I toned it all down. Then I got tired of censoring myself.I started this blog so that I would have somewhere to vent, somewhere to discuss what runs thru my mind on a daily--- non sugar-coated. Meaning, No fake bullshit. For my older audience I apologize for my vulgarness. I do respect my elders...I don't like older people looking at me thinking I'm just your average disrectful young woman. Mother taught me better. I was at an associates house today and I saw how he cursed sooo much in front of his parents and his grandparents. Something I just couldn't wrap my mind around. As soon as I'm in someone's presence who has 10 years or more on me I turn my vulgar-ness off...not to be fake, but out of respect. However in my blog??....I will not do that. My cursing isnt intentionally to bother anyone...these are my thoughts in rare form. No editing. I just felt I needed to address that to those who might judge me because " I curse too much". Understand, I respect EVERYone who takes the time to read my thoughts..but here, in my blog...I will not change anything. It is like asking me to change the contents in my diary...Why would I?

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:

I've been reading all of these websites trying to figure out how to work HTML. I want to make my own layout, not just manipulate the one I have to deal with! *sigh*....I think this is one fight I'm just probably going to have to lose...because I can't for the life of me understand it! Smh! .[Sidenote to a fellow blogger: Ro, i cant leave my thoughts and comments on your blog because of your settings :( !]

Anywho,I dont understand why some people cant catch a hint. I dont understand why some people still try. UghhClearly i dont wish to try to develop a relationship at the moment...I still have shit that I need to get together before being a pain to someone else. I dont know how many times I have to express that before they leave me alone..So,

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:
If you text me and 90% of the time I dont respond...more than likely I'd like you to lose contact. If the 10% of the time when I do respond and I am a TOTAL bitch to you...more than likely I'd like you to catch the hint to politely fuck off. If more than half of my responses read " Im not responding to that." Please catch the fucking hint.If I abruptly end our conversation everytime you feel like discussing your feelings or trying to hang...wake the hell up! Clearly, I could give a rats ass about your feelings and I'm one step from texting, "Not to be a bitch, but please reframe from texting me ever again"...but that would be the definition of a bitch right? Put your feelings aside...and move on to someone who cares..Please?

<3- Robyn

I hate that some people can't catch the hint no matter how much you ignore them.
Someone sent me a text saying that he was "done trying to cater to my ego."....I thought it was the funniest thing ever! I'm sure he wasnt joking...but If I cared all that much I wouldnt have acted in such a way where he ever felt like he needed to "cater to my ego." With people I care for I'm completly different. Caring...Nice even! For the rest...Um, catch the hint! Ok, Toodles!