They pretty much adore me :)

Saturday, April 3

Random: Love?

Yo.
I always discuss how I hate the way guys come to me; trying to converse with me. How it’s unacceptable...and unwanted! The same "type" of guys...the same tired lines. So now I unknowingly walk around looking extra "stuck-up" so that they won’t even attempt to hold a conversation. I've become unapproachable. & for the time being it is fine. But what about when I DO have time for dealing with a relationship and every up and down that comes with it? What about when I think that I have gotten myself together...to be with a man... Will I be able to show them at first glance that I really am a cool down to earth young woman? Will I be able to ever open up to him if he does come in my life....or will I hold on to past failed relations and assume that the next one won’t go any better...like I usually do? Will I sabotage myself...will I be willing to be there for him, and not just have him there for me? Will I be able to show him love? Will I be too scared? Too scared to be hurt again? Will he be scared that I will hurt him? Will he be willing to be with me...fuckups and all? Will I be with him through the same? Will this one last?...


What about when I think I am ready....Will I be truly ready?

"I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing "

-- India.Arie

Toodles.

3 comments:

pennanddpaperr . said...

i'm the same way.
this has been on my mind a lot lately and now that i'm kind of "talking" to someone it's even more of a pondering question.
i guess we just need to trust ourselves more. be confident in what we want and need and let whatever happens happens.

NO expectations have been working pretty well for me lately. (:

Tzitzi said...

(Not sure if I sent another cmment - but it refreshed or did something. Stupid computer..anywho..)

I totally understand. I'm the opposite way though. But I realized having someone as a lover who isn't willing to put there combat boots on when the battle starts isn't worth gaining weight in love. And I love hard.

But you can't expect things. I mean...turtles come out of there shells when they feel safe. (Not to be cliche, but..) When a dude gets you out your shell - that's a pretty good sign that it was supposed to happen. He's either worth the battle, or the lesson. Either way; worth it. :)

And people confuse being "stuck up" and being tired with lame ass dudes a lot, lol. Big difference. Don't worry about that crap. Besides, if you were interested - you'd respond differently.

Anddd btw, you and Gwen have the best music taste. Goodness. I love it. Everybody be on that Gucci and gangsta..which is cool and all, but you guys playlist is just..what I'm into.

Be beautiful.

Secretia said...

I think every question could be answered with a "yes". After you see his reaction then it's up to you to figure out if you want to explain anything. It has to be all up to you. Do we show our real selves in the beginning of a relationship? Not completely, because it makes us vulnerable. I like to have some control over things until I am so comfortable that I would trust somebody with my emotions and with my body.
It's all up to you.

Secretia