Ok, before I even state the topic at hand I know that throughout this post I will manage to sound like a complete hypocrite while contradicting almost every statement I make. But hopefully by the end of the post you will at least understand MY OPINION. ! Ok, so today I am basically responding to Bubbles over at irant. idance. iwrite. She recently wrote a post titled "In the mind of a cheater"[See it *HERE*] and I would like to respond. I'm sure people will disagree...all the more reason to comment! :) ! She discussed why cheaters cheat and her whole point of view on cheating. Now I feel compelled to discuss mine. Now in no way do I condone cheating. At all, get that straight before I start to express any feeling on the topic.
So...Why do cheaters cheat? Why did I cheat? <--- [Her first question]
Well there are two reasons that cheaters cheat. It is either an emotional need or a physical need. People tend to say the reasons are based on the gender, but cheating is not to be narrowed down to a gender. Men cheat. Women cheat. People...People just cheat. Both reasons can be broken down into many things. The cheater could be lacking what they need from their partner emotionally: attention, affection, communication...etc. OR the total opposite. The cheater could be getting emotionally smothered by their partner where they just need room to breathe. Thus comes the third person [the person the cheater cheats with]. That person might give them all the compliments in the world, might make time for them when their partner seems to never have any. OR could be the one that doesn’t bother them, the one who gives them as much space as possible, an outlet when the person feels smothered in the relationship...etc. A physical need? The cheater's partner could be lacking in the sex department, isn’t willing to do certain things, just plain boring...etc. OR the person could LOVE their partner’s sex and just yearn for more, looking for "Ms. Right now","Ms. How I like it","Ms. No-strings". Basically being just to be fucking. I could go on forever and ever on reasons why people cheat. But moving on...Why did I cheat?
Hmmm, well like Ms.Bubbles said "I don’t know." I don’t know meaning...things were going well in the relationship but one night I slipped he wasn’t there and I was horny. Simple and as plain as that...meaning "It just happened." people always ask “How the fuck does that just happen?"...Well, you’re in a room with someone...your hormones are all over the place...and you know you want sex. [Right here is your place to be strong enough to walk away or like I was told "not put yourself in this situation in the first place"] But since I already had put myself there when the touching and shit started happening...IT JUST HAPPENED. Plain. Simple. I fought the urge...but still it happened. I asked the first person who cheated on me “What the fuck do you mean it just happened? Did I not cross your mind? Was it not enough to stop you from fucking her?"...and when I cheated I asked myself the same question. And sadly...I did think about him, I thought about him before, I thought about him during, I thought about him after...after while I cried. I thought about him the whole way. Why didn’t my thoughts stop me...why didn’t they stop me from hurting him? Because...I knew what I wanted, what it felt like I NEEDED that night to feel better. I knew that I was a bad person.
So why did I cheat?--Because that night I lacked self-control...because that night all I wanted was pleasure....and he was not there to give it to me.
"Give me another chance" and all that dumb bullshit I used to hate to see other girls do. And if you know me...you know that that is nowhere in Robyn's character to be that typical bitch. Nowhere...But because I knew I was in the wrong...because I knew I had so much to contribute to the breakup I felt like it was my job to fix the pain, no matter if I had to beg and plead. “Let’s crawl back to love.” ...When really fuck that, I don’t advise any woman to go there...let it be, let him beg you. When I say I cried my life into a puddle, it's no joke. Seconds after the cheating he called me. It was 4 in the morning. He called saying “So...you weren’t going to call me to say goodnight?"...Immediately tears rolled down my face, it took everything out of me to not break down and tell him how much of a bad person I was...and how he deserved better. It took so much out of me. I was crying outside listening to him talk about how much he loved me...and that he was sitting waiting for me to call. And wtf was I doing? Fucking someone of no importance to me. Just for that temporary high. Temporary highs lead to drastic lows. Later when we broke up he was admitting how he cheated and how it was bothering him to keep secrets from me and how bad he felt...and I thought I owed him the same honesty. So I told him, it hurt him. I felt...words can’t describe that hurt. After asking me why did I cheat and me answering it just happened, he said “See, you’re not giving me a reason. You say it won’t happen again but how could I stop it from happening again if there isn’t reason. I mean you could have said 'because it was Tuesday' and I would make it my business to stay on the phone w/ you 24 hours on Tuesdays. But you not having a reason...how could I fix that? What about the next time you’re horny and I’m not there?"...Wow. All I could say was “It won’t happen again."...he made a valid point. He shut any apology that I ever gave down. If you didn’t have a reason...what would stop you from cheating the next time? Because next time I WILL have self control...I will always remember that cheating damn near destroyed me.
Her next question was: What if you [the person being cheated on] cheated? Wouldn’t you want your mate to take you back?
Basically put yourself in their shoes. Well I'll give you my scenario. Once he told me he cheated...I was willing to take him back. I was willing to work with him through the flaws...I was willing to be there, and would have been willing even if I hadn’t cheated. [Love makes you do and accept some dumb ass shit.]His reaction to this was " I don’t think anyone has showed me they loved me this much, maybe [enter ex girlfriend before me name here], but not even she showed that she loved me this much. One day I am going to marry you." Sounds like he was happy right?...Now minutes later after I confessed it all changed. “Bye Robyn, just bye." and "Since you look at cheating as not such a big idea idk if I would want to marry anyone like that." BAM! POW. And all those other action words that would describe what was being done to my heart at the time. I was so confused. I mean here I was ready to work with you through your problem [because you cheated well over one time] and you could not/would not accept my one time cheating. Damn, should've kept my mouth shut. I do think cheating is a big deal...it's a huge deal actually. Anywho, putting myself in my partners shoes since I've cheated before...Would I take someone else back if they cheat on me? Ask the person who cheated "If I cheated on you...would you take me back?" If they say yes...proceed to make up a story about how you cheated [make it seem as real as possible]...just to get their REAL reaction, and go from there. If he/she was actually willing to be there with you sincerely, tell them you lied to get their reaction. And maybe those who would accept you...MAYBE they deserve ONE more chance, those who are like fuck you...then fuck them!
"I can say that cheaters don't mean to cheat. We don't go out of our way to hurt the people who love us."- Bubbles
With all of that said...give me your opinion on this whole thing?! I'd love to hear both sides...no matter what! :)! Toodles!