...Flawed Barbie --->

Yo.
So...I was going through some old poems I wrote when i used to write frequently. Smh, I need to get back on it. I forgot I had wrote this one.....ENJOY!

[Excuse the way it is typed..I was going through a little phase when I thought I'd type all my shit like that..smh!] EDIT: I came back and fixed the way it was typed, it was realllyyyyy bothering me to see it! Ughh!


-----UNPERFECT BARBIE-----

The way I live is like a false reality...
Like a toyland ====> & Im the BARBiiE
My world seems as if Im trapped in plastic
................................I can not breathe
I only move at the control of their hands
Im made up to perfection but no true happiness
I sit with that permanent smile on my face
========> unable to show emotion
because I'm trapped.................
trapped in this colorful box with a film of plastic.
My body is in a weird pose...but still I'm smiling.
My hands are pressed against the film...
begging someone to save me from this box
...to purchase me and save me from display.
&& SOMEONE does..........
SOMEONE likes my look & the possibilities they see in me
SOMEONE purchases me & takes me home
rips me from my box...my safe enviornment
careful to save the wrapping just incase
...just incase Im not exactly what they want
Im immediatley thrown into my new life...
my new surroundings--to see how I work.
They move me around making up things they think I would say...
...............................things I would never say.

Smiling trapped in plastic--yea thats how I feel

They control my movement...what I wear...everything but my mind.
So quickly they realize Im boring--Just another toy
.....just another toy that can be tossed to the side
They put me back in the box--
positioning me in an even wierder position, my hair a little tossled
& they return me to where I came from.
...Return me because once again I am unwanted.
Once again i am just on display
Waiting....
Waiting on my next potential owner to use me and toss me back into this box.
............toss me back like trash

My life is on display.........
My heart lies cold and hard...like plastic
...Just another unperfected BARBiiE!

-December 1, 2008

Dear Mother:

Yo.
We interrupt your normal program to bring you:
So I've been going through a few things...and my mother has been helping me cope. If you know me and my mothers past relationship it would be a shock. Our relationship only got better when i went away to college. Even then it was good every once and a while. Well today I woke up to a text message from her :

[Good morning baby. I know you’re having a hard time 2. I’m here 4 u. We will get thru this. Hope you have a better day. I love you. From now on I will be uplifting and more understanding. I get so raveled up in my own problems that I act like yall don’t have problems, worries, or pain and I’m SO SORRY FOR THAT! From this day forward I am going to be more understanding of yall concerns. I can’t take back the years I lacked but you make sure it doesn’t happen again. I promise. I love you more than words can say. We will get through this, just don’t worry yourself.]

--------mind you we have never been the family to speak openely on mushy gushy feelings. No hugging, no kissing, we dont even say i love you regularly...because we know its there and doesnt need to be said.
She really has made my day! So to her....

Dear Mother:

Let me start by saying...I LOVE YOU! I know we have had our down times. Times when you’re yelling feels like its suffocating me. Times when you didn’t want me near you. Times…times when things were just horrible. But know that through every and anything I love you more than I could ever show.I depend so much on you some might think it’s ridiculous. You’ve spoiled me to be this way and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when you disapprove of everything I do, I love you. If anything ever happened to you I don’t know where I’d be. I don’t know if I could stay here...on this earth. Now I am going through what seems like the hardest time of my life so far and you are right here by my side...as you always are when things outside of our relationship get tough. You are the only person keeping me sane right now and if you only knew how much that truly meant to me. When I can’t see the sun shining you grab my hand and lead me there. You have been understanding through this whole process and please continue to bear with me. I could never ask nor need a better mother than you. Granted we have our issues; we might not agree 98% of the time…but we cannot be perfect. Thanks for every sacrifice you have ever made for me. It took a little maturing to see how much you’ve worked for me and my sisters. Being a single mother is never easy...and believe I appreciate it. You are my hero; my idol. I want to be able to provide and do for my child when that day comes as you have always done for me and my sisters. You would give your last for me and know that I would do the same. I am and will always be available for you whenever you need me. KNOW that! I love you!

With sooo much love,

Robyn

Ok...now back to your normal scheduled program! Toodles! :)

Whats the difference?

Yo.
So I was browsing through Single Black Male and one of his readers left an interesting question under one of his post. The post was saying all types of things that I just didnt agree with. i.e : "If you’re standing in a party and your female friends leans notices you looking at a girl and she says, “That girl is a ho.” If she’s pointing to you, you’re a ho." Or...she could be just one hating ass female that doesnt even know you?...Had that shit happen to me before...def was ready to hurt this ignorant chick that knew nothing about me....ANYWHO that is def not what i came to write about. The website above is actually a really good website and I encourage you all to go check it out.! So the question one of his readers left was as follows:
What’s the difference between being “sexually liberated” and being a hoe?

Hmmm, I really just want to hear my readers opinions on this question. I've always wondered this. When asked what was my definition of a hoe...I used to respond " Someone who sleeps with any and every one and never has any standards."...That was my old response. Now? Now it has changed a little completly due to the fact that i dont have a definition for the word anymore. I have always been open minded to what people do behind closed doors...I have always thought if you like it then do it, no one should look down on or talk about what another does sexually if it has nothing to do with them. I hardly use the word in a serious manner..If and when i have used it Its expressing serious dislike for a girl who fucks with peoples boyfriends/husbands/ and anyone else that will tell her she is remotely attractive..basically the ones sleeping around bc they have self esteem issues. BUT I mean how would i really know if ole girl/guy had "no standards" as listed in my definition. Even if he/she had slept with 150 people [random ass number and I know a few guys who claim this is their goal...and shit they close enuff. smh]there is always at least one dick/pussy they have turned down or walked away from. So who am I to really sit around and judge them? I still believe people should have all the sexual freedom they want...but I admit sometimes hearing that people are fucking 3 different dudes a week [from their mouths...im nt the one to believe he say/ she say] bothers the hell out of me. I just dont think thats anything to brag on...but if they like it and are happy with themselves that really gives me no place to go around judging them. I dont know the difference between a hoe and someone sexually liberated! I guess Hoe is just the trashy version of someone sexually liberated...but how can they be the trashy version if their doing the same thing?  If they like having every hole filled and 7 dudes in line watching and waiting for their turn..thats them. It has nothing to do with me unless one of those niggas was my man. Nope..nothing at all to do with me.! If people want to get down like that and thats truley what turns them on..more power to them. So readers...in your opinion, "What’s the difference between being “sexually liberated” and being a hoe?"!

Doug E Fresh...

Yo.
Okay...usually I dont even post videos..But I was going through a whole bunch of old rapper videos on YouTube..and stumbled across an old interview with Doug.E.Fresh. I love him! I had never seen this one though..and apparently its a documentary of old school hiphop..I want it! Anywho...Im pretty much in love with his beatboxing section on this.[especially the breathing part..oooooh!] Anywho..I think its amazing how people can do this with their mouth. i love old school rap...thats the only rap I would listen to until last year..then I start listening to this stuff called rap today. Anywho...enjoy his beatboxing! :)




and just because i thought this shit was HILARIOUS! Who the hell decided to put Biz Markie on Yo Gabba Gabba [a childs show]..? He is a wonderful beatboxer from back in the day..but he would scare the hell out of me if i were a child watching this. Lol..Im dying over here...pay attention to his poses at 0.05! Hahahaah!Sorry Biz.


Toodles!

Continuing the "fuckage" after the breakup...

Yo.!

Yesterday I was talking to a close friend when she said something that just made me want to blog. We were talking about 2 couples that broke up recently. She stated how she thought it was just a plot so they would be single for Valentines' Day and that they'd hook right back up with them after that. I said something about being pretty sure that their still fucking anyway. She then said " Well duh, there's still sex! Its 2010!"..."Wth? What does that have to do with anything?"..."Everybody's doin it these days...Continuing the fuckage after the relationship"! [Sidenote: Fuckage? Yea..I def have no clue why she used that word..or made up that word either!] What kind of statement is that to be made?....A damn true one. Why once people fall out of love, make mistakes, or what the hell ever it is that breaks them up...they continue " the fuckage" after the relationship? Is it not just silly?
I know a couple who had been together a few years and broke up, claiming it was for good. A guy [an ex] stated his opinion on it. " You know she still fucking him right? Thats just so stupid. How stupid can you get. He broke up with her and she still giving him pussy?..The one thing that a lack of could possibly get them back together..She just dumb." Mind you that me and him basically had the same shit going on....but he claims our shit is different...smh. Hearing him say that was an eye opener...!I always think its a silly idea to be without the relationship title but getting all the relationship benefits. Even when I was in that same position. Its silly to continue to go out, fuck, chill, talk on the phone the same but not have a title? When situations go down like that my mind says he just wants to be a hoe. Ya'll are dating...unofficially so that he can fuck whoever without you really being able to bitch over it. But why has it become so fuckin common. Mostly every couple [i know] who has had a failed relationship have continued fucking after...unless the breakup was drastic. [& i know a few that still fuck even then]...Why?? I really would love to hear the answer to this! Does it lose a guys respect if your still fucking him afterwards..? I know girls who have said its because they would settle for having a little of him instead of losing all of him. Why though? Explain the whole continuing "the fuckage" after the relationship to me. Ive been there, done that..but still I need to get a grasp on it all!

More Awards :)!

Hello YO!

I'm pretty much caught up on everyones blogs now. Some of you really do make my days better. Others force me to think about shit that i dont necessarily want to think about..but need to. While catching up I realized I dont even care for some of the blogs i follow anymore...so i need to get on to removing them ASAP. Somethings i just cant relate to..nor do I want to. Anywho because I said I'd do this award post..here goes[I'm going to shortcut rules: Yall know the deal]!

During my catching up I've collected 5 awards! *Gasp*! :o!

I feel so loved! Ok...I received the Happy Blog award 4 times. From Keenya over at Golden Mind, *Cook over at Musik & Soul *,Mz.AuNatural-Beauty over at Truth on the Rocks, and Von digne over at My Mind State! I love all of their blogs. Hilarious,talented bloggers...they wont dissapoint. Gone Head over and check them out! NOW! :)Anywho, 4 times Meaning that I would have to do the rules for this x's 4...40 things that make me happy and 40 bloggers who brighten my day. Smh...bullshit, yall know i hardly follow the original rules. I'll do 20 facts & 20 bloggers. Yeap..sounds fair to me!

Shit that makes me all giggly inside:

•  Family...[well some of them, the rest? smh..]
• Friends...[sometimes those tricks can be a bit much though...but I love them all the same]
• Writting...[gotta get my feelings out somehow..right?]
• Art...[lovvvve painting]
• Sex...[def has to be at the top of the list somewhere.]
• Porn...[what? wasnt expecting that? I watch tht shit like TV! It soothes me!]
• My fingers...[think about the two above...self-explanatory]
• Shopping...[although I havent shopped for myself in months..aghh Im so deprived]
• Poetry...[love seeing people perform spoken word...!]
• Pretty Woman, Nip/Tuck, Bad Girls Club, Set it Off..and all of my other fav shows & movies.
• Taking pics of myself...[clearly...]
• Dudes catching the hint to fuck off...[Seriously!]
• Blogging...[love yalls blogs! :)]
• Music...[usually all my oldies! ]
• Love...[pretty much obsessed/infatuated with the whole concept of it]
• Sucess...[achieving goals I've set for myself]
• Strippers...[as of yesterday...Mmmm yall that man def gave me new ideas! ;)]
• Other happy truly happy people...[a real smile realy can make me feel better]
• Intellectuals...[People that just dont have simple ass conversations]
• .......um, Me?[I ran out of shit!]

ok..Im being lazy on my editing too....smh!
20 Bloggers Who make me happy reading their shit:

• Keenya,Von Digne, Cook, and Mz.AuNatural [links above]
• Supastarrr over at Supastarr,the co-ed
• Gwen over at Permanent Issues
• Leiominala over at Leiomi Nala's Corner
• Kraziibipolarchic
• Reese over at Sweet Sanity&Sarcasm
• Vincia over at Mocha.Sister
• Khaki over at Not All Baltimore Girls Are Stupid
• You know you dead azz wrong
• Jennifer over at Inside JStar's Head
• Shay over at .iDream.
• Sinfullyo
• Nightfall914 over at Blu Flame Blvd. 
• Ro over at Love,Faith and Hope
• Bubbles over at irant.idance.iwrite
• Val over at Planet Pro-tron
• Secretia over at Secret Story Time

 In no way is this in order! [Not that most of the blogs that i follow dont make me happy..Im just lazy and refuse to go through ALL of them!]Anywho...the next award was given to me by Vincia over at Mocha.Sister. Wonderful blog... gone head and go check her out if you havent already.

 I only have to tell awards I love under this...and really the blogs I LOVE on an EVERY post basis are listed in those above. Figure it out...and since I wont point them all out...those listed above also get this one![Yeap..Im just being lazy...who cares? :)]

Oh...and guess what else? Yall dont have to follow those icky rules. Nope..just accept it and be happy...I mean unless you really would like to do all of that...then be my guest. Anywho I really appreciate all of my faithful followers and stalkers! It feels wonderful to be appreciated.! [Get so much pussy I can probably guess yo panty size??lol..remix on Vincia's page..hilarious line. i know someone who can do that :)!] Ok...Toodles for now!

Letter to My Ex, Next..and all that good shit in between!

Yo.
 I swear today just couldnt be any worse. Ughh, feels like everything is crashing around me. I dont really want to discuss my day in detail right now...maybe when i get some strength to deal with it all..I will! But today..today I'm just going to borrow another bloggers idea. I saw it on i am the unpretentious narcissist who got the idea from Truth on the Rocks ! Both of whom are lovely bloggers..gone head and check them out! Anywho...on to my letter! [Sorry for the length!]

Dear [Nigga that was just hittin' it i.e Fuckbuddy]:

You know I dont take yo ass serious right? I mean to tell you the truth I never really did. I'd appreciate it if you stop trying to contact me everytime you think we in the same area...textin/callin/facebooking me about " when we gone kick it?". Then why you got to use dumb downed phrases like that? i mean you want pussy..might as well say "when we gone get together and fuck again?"...I mean cause thats all that it translates to in my mind anyway. And why once I tell you all i want is to be fuck buddies..nothing more, your brain tells you to try to make me your girl? Just because we've had a few pillow talks when yo ass wouldnt go home does not mean that I like yo ass...and damn for sure not love. Remember baby..we just fuckin'. Keep yo feelings to yoself and just share the dick please. The only feelings you need to be concerned with of mine are the ones goin on in my pussy..ok? Thanks for understanding!
 P.S- Lose my number...I stopped fuckin with you for a reason.

Dear [Dude i thought I was in love with, dudes I was in love with, and the ones I liked enough to take the " Im yo girl" title i.e EXes]:

Hmmm. Let me start by saying that all of you werent bad. I mean all of you are actually pretty decent dudes. besides the fact that ya'll all triflin. But moral wise and shit yall got some good heads on your shoulders. For the ones that I left....more than likely you deserved it. More than likely i was bored with you..and I warned you from jump..I tend to get bored easily. To the ones that i used....um sorry? I mean if you give me full control what you think ima walk on by? Hell naw..Ima take that shit and run with it. I hate men who let you run over them...anytime my EVERY opinion becomes your opinion too..we have a problem. To the ones that left me....smh. I wanna say fuck yall. But really yall the only ones I gave a damn about. The only ones I cared about leaving...well except for one. And to that one..nigga I know you thought I was devastated..and yea I was. but it wasnt cause you left, it was cause I didnt get to break up with you first..now that shit did something to my ego. Letting a nigga like you break up with me?..smh! Fuck you! To the ones i loved....I still have love for you..might not be IN love, but I def love yall asses.We all had good times...I hope yall suceed  and all that good shit.Talk to ya whenever.
P.S- Ya'll can lose my number too. Dont contact me trying to fuck with my head..and damn for sure dont contact me trying to get ANOTHER chance, telling me how much I'm missed..comparing me to yo bitches after me..." You must regret the day that you left me", well duh I know that I'm better!Yo fault.!...ugh, nigga dismissed!

Dear [What the fuck...is that dude hiding in the bush? i.e STALKERS]:

I know you reading this shit, I know you excited you got a lil air time huh? You think I dont know that you check my twitter,facebook,blog, and any and every other social network you can find me on? I mean dude..hw the fuck you know I had a skype..or a formspring before I even publicized it? Crazy ass dudes. And this aint only to the exes,crazy niggas I wont give the time of day, ex fuckbuds, or just them random ass creepy dudes. Nope, its to the bitches too. I know yall watching...trying to find another reason to have my name all in you mouth. [" My names in yo mouth so it must be delicious"]..Yea I know it makes yo life to talk shit about me...but bitch you aint got stalk me on the low.Reading my shit..reading extra hard in betweeen the lines. Ughh, yall make me sick. Swear you dont like me but you keep up with my shit more than I do?Oh and um..just wait til I get my hands on a tazzer. Swear you gone wish you got my permission to just pop up off fuckin guard and shit...We clear?

Dear [.....Future?]:

Do me a favor and just dont be like the idiots,assholes,triflin niggas above. Show me that it is possible to find someone good for me..and good to me. Dont play games with my heart and try to destroy me. Respect me, be willing to be there with me. Be willing to stand in front of me [protect me]...show me that you are different...and I will give you the same. I havent been perfect, and I cant promise that I ever will be. But I will do [not try] my best...if your willing to do the same.Just be different. A different breed of man than Im used to dealing with. Show me that good and man can go in the same sentence with out be the biggest fuckin oxymoron in the world. Be on the same level in life I am...or higher.  Be able to stimulate my mind, my body, my soul....be like a fairytale;to good to be true! Can you do all of that..or am I asking too much?!

[Yea, i suggest all of you do one. Even if its just for your eyes. Makes you feel good to get it out! :) Oh..I am on formspring now, gone head and ask me anything in that lil box on my sidebar. I'll answer everything! :) And I'm on skype..guess I should put that on the sidebar as well. I'm on the T's now. The Dish on Kamik to be exact...! :) Almost fully caught up...Ok, Toodles!]

Sex Game Proper ;)

Yo.
Okay...I started catching back up today..swear its been longer than 7 hours. But hey now I'm to the L's! I'm stopping right before Lovers and Friends: Me, My pad, and Pen. I was so tempted to skip some. I got through some of my favs today..and cant wait to get to the others....No names will be dropped! :)! Oh and I'm collecting awards on the way..but Im going to accept them all in one big post. So far its 3! :)

Anywho..It's like 2 in the morning and my mind is totally in the gutter. SO I'm going to do a Do's and Dont's to sex [for my personal preferences.]..Got the idea from Keenya! [Check her out!]

Hell Yea's

• Biting [not tht baby nibbling shit either..like vampire bites]
• Long Kisses [ all over]
• Ice,Toppings,Candy, [Candles ;)]
• Choking [pay attention til when I'm about to black out then let go ;)]
• Pull my hair [only if its MY real hair...don't try to yank tracks out!]
• Constant change of position [Be creative]
• Be rough..! [tossing on the bed, pushing on the ground...whatever!]
• Gone head lick the kitty..and be good at it!
• Stare in my eyes
• #1 priority being to make ME cum...ME ME ME!
• Be ready for Round 2!

Hell No's

• Talking [please dont give me a fuckin interview.."Whose is it? How you want it?..etc"]
• Punching
• Slapping...not even light taps
• Nutting on my face
• Eating my ass [biting is acceptable]
• Licking my toes [matter fact dont touch them at all!]
• Being stank [scrub yo nutts!]
• 1-10 minute men. [Unless its specified as a quickie]

Yea..thats all I can think of right now....! Too much info?? Well you did see that lil warning about adult content AND yo ass entered anyway...so suck that shit up! Ok, I need to be sleeping! Seriously! Toodles!

...

Yo.

Okay so i dont know what the hell told me I could get caught up on ALL the blogs I follow in one night. I've been catching up for 5 hours and just made it to the B's. I stopped right before Blu Flame Blvd. 5 hours and not even half way through??? I just realized I follow entirely too many blogs! But I'm addicted to blogging. Smh..I will get to everyone..I promise! So this is going to take wayyy longer than I thought. And since I missed soo much i'm just going in alphabetical order so I'm sure not to miss anyone. I'm soooo tired though. And I'm going to have to continue getting caught up tomorrow..as well as make a few blog changes!
So the question on my mind: What makes a person marriage material?.

I know many people will have many different answers, and I look foward to reading them all. I'll voice my opinion on it a little later. Ok...until tomorrow...TOODLES! :)

I'm back bitches! :)

Yo.
Okay..I'm back at my constant blogging! Promise! Anywho..back at this horrid school! Smh, I made a vlog to post as my " Hell yea, I'm finally back" post..lol, but now I dont really feel like posting it. Its like 10 minutes long anyway. It was a quick update on my last month. Alot has happened..but I dont care to discuss more than half of it..so I'll just skip it all. I have soooooo much catching up to do in the blogworld! Smh at myself. This is going to be one loonnnng night. i will also get around to accepting all of the awards and making post about them. More than likely I'm going to short cut the rules. But before I go to sleep I'll post a question I'd love for you all to answer? OK? I've missed you all so much..and welcome new followers! Ok...til I catch up TOODLES! :)

Fw:Mini Update! :)

Yo.
Mobile blogging sucks ass. Smh, i'll have my constant internet back this week! :) I cant wait. I need to catch up on others blogs and accept awards. smh, i feel like ive been neglecting everything. School starts this week. The break was pretty decent and i dread going back to this school. DREAD! Smh, anywho....I love my new baby cousin. I love babies. Shes soooo precious.

Yo.
I miss my blog! :( ! I miss keeping up with my favorite blogs. The internet comes in and out...the signal is soooo weak and i might as well still be without it. ... I shud be back to my blog by nxt wk. The holidays went alright..i hope they went well for everyone!
Anywho i have a question to all. ...Would you rather be blind or deaf?
I've heard so many people say blind, hardly anyone says deaf. The reason mainly being living w/o music. I think if i had to be born w/o a sense, i'd rather be deaf over blind. I love all things beautiful....ART, & i couldnt imagine nt being able to see anyone, anything, all the colors..all the beauty tht is life. Peoples expressions speak volumes...im more of a visual person. So how about you all?....just a random question tht popped in my mind. Ok...Toodles! :)