Since when does small equal sexy?

Yo.

Okay, so my last two topics came from suggestions from others! But today I'd like to write about a topic that personally affects me! Something a little more personal. [I know your thinking what’s more personal than sex...right?] So today the issue is weight!

Ok, so here comes my life story. I grew up a very skinny child. Not that I ever noticed. When I was that young I never paid attention to mirrors, nor when people would call me skinny. I mean at that age all I cared about was trying to dodge being “It". You know, running around trying to make it to base in "Hide and Seek", trying not to ever get frozen in "Freeze Tag". I was just being a child, care-free...problem free! If there weren’t pictures around from my childhood I honestly wouldn’t even know how I looked! Seriously! Anywho the summer before 6th grade comes around. I went from 95lbs to 121lbs...over one summer. I didn’t notice until my family made it clear that I was getting bigger. I mean my eating habits hadn't changed, nor my exercise habits. All my weight had went mainly to my thighs and ass. Not bad. I was now considered "thick". I still didn’t notice, I mean 6th grade was the first time I had ever even tried to care about what I was wearing, how my hair looked...and all that jazz! {BTW my mother was still dressing me and doing my hair EVERY morning for school then...}Of course I didn’t stop growing in 6th grade. By the end of 8th grade I was 157lbs[size 11 jeans, 32B]. By this time my mother was having a fit...seriously! I saw the weight in my thighs...my chest and stomach were still small...so personally I liked it. But number wise I had passed my mother [who was 129lbs trying to get to 140?]! And no matter how cute my shaped looked it was unacceptable number wise! So at this point she started with the snide comments.

[10th- [size11/34B] Now-[size14-15/38C] :)]

-This photo might actually be from beggining of 11th..Im not sure-

I mean EVERY chance she got she would tell me to push away from the table[ Although I eat less than everyone in my household..]..! And her remarks actually hurt. I mean I wasn’t doing anything different...and I was very active!There was no way she was having a daughter bigger than her. Now at this time a lot of extra things were going on in my life as well. By this time my mother thought I had been having sex [simply based on my weight!], she had accused me of being pregnant in as young as 7th grade! I was devastated of course. Because at that time I definitely wasn’t getting anybody’s dick...nor did I want it. All the names that I was being called in that household by the time I got to tenth grade was RIDICULOUS! I mean I don’t really know of any child that it wouldn’t affect in a negative way. After you’ve been called a hoe, bitch, slut, nasty, fat, trifling, heartless, and told "I hate you" from your mother...what everybody else says or thinks seems not to matter. [My mother now denies calling me any of them of course :/ & I love her the same!] And at THAT time in 10th grade...I was still a virgin...so everything was based on her imagination! By that time she put me  on my first diet. And really it was portion control I suppose...but it just pissed me off and left me hungry. For a minute I tried her diets, thinking maybe if I did get to the size she wanted me at all this bullshit ass name calling would stop. If I did everything to make her happy.....because that’s all I ever wanted, was to see her happy like she was in my childhood! Anywho...longgg story short by senior year I was 187! My mother was freaking out--told me I wasn’t gone be living in her house getting bigger than the house! And I didn’t give a damn! She and my sisters are the only people’s opinions that have ever really mattered to me...and her opinion on my weight was just there to crush my spirits through high school. So I quickly got over it, I’m healthy...and happy and that’s all that really matters. Til this day my mother mentions my weight EVERY time she sees me...but it doesn’t really matter anymore! I mean...I can’t always make her happy, as long as I’m happy with myself..! I don’t know how she became so big on the stick-figure issue. I mean my granny and auntie are about the weight of 2 of me alone...! Well my aunt is like 11/2 of me...but my granny is 2! Maybe she is scared that I'll get that big before I know it. I don’t really know her issue on that.

[My favorite plus-size model that shouldnt even be considered "Plus", Tocarra Jones]

I never personally had a problem with my weight! NEVER! Not even now! & "number wise” I probably should! But I'm very content and confident in every extra pound on my body! My family still makes their remarks. I know I’m not skinny. Never in life would I desire to be! I love my ass, thighs, & tits! Everyone has their problem area...Mine is my stomach! But as long as it isn’t hanging over my pants...it’s not major! The reason this topic bothers me is because I see so many girls whose shapes are wonderful striving to lose weight to fit in with everyone else’s perception of beauty! I mean I know girls personally who have a problem with what I wear...and blah blah blah, simply because I’m "too big" for it. & by whose standards are those? If I want to wear skirts, shorts, short dresses...tight dresses, that is my prerogative! Who’s to tell me I can’t wear it...and look damn good in it?! The sexiest thing to have is confidence...and ANY woman no matter what her size is...if she works her outfits with confidence, I say gone head girl...do you! When I get to a point when I am just unhappy with my appearance maybe I'll work harder to change it...but never will I try to be a stick-figure. I like my curves just fine! If you’re unhappy personally with the way you look, change it! But do it for you, never for anyone else! Maybe my audience can leave me comments telling me why being small in some people’s minds is the definition of sexy...or whatever. And how if you’re big...you must have low self-esteem, or some other nonsense! I mean seriously...where does this stuff come from?! Leave me comments. [They can be anonymous] :)] Oh p.s In my now picture Im 209lbs![See that number sounds soo much bigger than the photo..lol :)]Until next time guys.....
Toodles!