They pretty much adore me :)

Sunday, October 25

It's been a year :(

Yo.


Today is October 25, 2009. Exactly one year ago the love of my life [K.J] broke up with me. Yes this post might be a downer, but I write about what's on my mind. And this I NEED to write. All month I've been dreading this day, wondering how I would react...wondering would I cry. Wondering how far I've come...wondering so many things that should be far from my mind. I don’t like talking to people about him, because I know that by now I should have BEEN moved on. I know that...I’m stupid. The saddest part is probably how we broke up. How can you break up with someone you claim to love so much through a text message...and when they call to ask what the fuck is going on you don’t even have the decency to answer the phone?! Besides that, this post is to evaluate how far I've really come. So I guess I have to ask myself some questions. [How often do you think about him?]-*sigh* Every day, every single fucking day. [What do you think about?]*sigh* How much I miss him, how much he meant to me...how happy he made me, how i hope that he's ok.[Do you still cry over him?]*sigh* Sort of like I am now? Every once in a while I can’t help the tears. [Do you want him back?]...my heart says yes, but my mind says to answer NO. [Are you ok with how ya'll are?] Yes, I’m OK with not speaking with him. Yes I'm OK with not seeing him, Yes I'm OK. [Are you happy that he has moved on?] No. No I am not happy that he has moved on. BUT I am happy that he found HER. I am happy that he is in HER life...I am happy that he is happy! And yes that is the truth. This blog is no place for sugar-coating. I honestly believe that AT THIS TIME she might be a better girlfriend than I am. Yeah, and I never admit shit like that. So add up all the sadness with my happiness and you get content. So I’m content on how things happened. I have grown from it, and learned so much from him. Things that I didn’t know about me. I could sit here and verbally reminisce through our whole relationship, tell exactly what I love, what I didn’t love as much, and what went wrong on both behalves...but it would take a century...and leave me steps behind. You know i still have his text messages in my phone?! All of them...secretly saved in my drafts. Before the end of the day I hope I have the strength to delete them. He is not mine anymore, no point of hanging on to the "thinking about you's", the "missing you's", the "I love you's", or the "I love you mores’". No point in holding on so tightly to a past that has fought so hard to get away.


Simply, I miss him. Everything about him...no matter what anyone says he is a great person. Even if he is childish, a cheater, shallow or anything else everyone else wants to call him. Every now and then I feel the need to call/txt him...just to see how he is. To make sure he is ok. I've never been the type to be stuck on someone. After relationships end usually I have a list of new prospects by the next week. And with him...I can honestly say he was different...but in an all too similar way. His laughter haunts me, random images of him, his smiles, his phrases...they all follow me. Why is it so hard to escape this feeling?!.Compared to others it feels like my first time falling in love. Although I know this isn’t the case. Why am I so scared to try again?! Because I fell TOO hard, and it seems impossible to get back to where I was before him. IMPOSSIBLE.

So to what used to be MY Mr. Jones...I still love you, BUT I am truly happy to see you happy with HER. And to the new Mrs., Make sure you take care of him. Make sure that you don’t hurt him...Make sure that you love him as I loved him, Make sure he stays happy!

[TO MY READERS: I'm sorry. I will try to avoid the depressing shit...but this I couldn’t help....so until next time...TOODLES! ]

11 comments:

Secretia said...

My heart goes out to you. Those feelings of lost love cut deep and take a long time to leave us. I do understand.

Secretia

ms. downlow said...

You are definitely well on that path to maturity. I love the way you are working through your emotions, while maintaining total control.

Don't you love that you can rely on your fellow bloggers? We're here to help you keep on movin' on. I know your comments help me!

RoByn LaTice said...

Thanks to the both of you. I really appreciate your comments! And yes, I'm very happy to have followers who encorage me and "pick-me-up" when I'm down. Thanks again! :)

Anonymous said...

Dear RoByn,

I love you. i do the same thing with my messages on my phone from guys. and i teared up a lil after that. Dont EVER text that small dick again.

The End.

[The Adopted Brother]

RoByn LaTice said...

I love you too. [Of coarse I have to come to his defense and say--He's not small, so dont call him that!!!] But still I love you too, thanks for commenting! You've made my day a little better--& the messages are deleting as we speak :)!

Anonymous said...

thats good im glad! i only hold on to Chris' messages so long too :(

RoByn LaTice said...

Awww, my poor babe! I have to text you at a decnt time tommorow! Definetly, I HAVE to catch up on your life!

Anonymous said...

This is so sad....brings tears to my eyes.....def know how it feels....def! But ur one of the strongest i know....i mean i wud like to know seeing as we dont know each other anywho...ull get through this! Its just gonna take some time! Who's to say u shudve been over him by now? Everyone has a different heart...diff blood flowing through their veins..so everyone heals differently...U will eventually find someone...male(or female) to accept the beautiful person u are and the wonderful woman that u are becoming...

xxxx said...

all too familiar feeling. i havent gotten over my ex yet, i still have the last couple of messages saved in my phone. still have a ringtone for him, picture in my phone, picture in my room. i cant let go. not yet at least. but i am happy knowing he is happy, even if its not with me.

RoByn LaTice said...

Awww thanks babe!

xxxx-I had a ringtone for a while, before I deleted his number--which i know by heart so it wasnt really a point to it. I still hvnt deleted the pictures..just hid them from myself in my fone.

Queen2be said...

its been alittle over 2 months..& I feel exactly how you feel & its drivin me insane