They pretty much adore me :)

Friday, February 19

Just one of those days...

Yo.

I've been writting full blogs for the past week and just cant make myself push the publish button. One reason and one reason only; they have all been about the same thing, the same person. Valentines Day someone contacted me.[Mind you Valentines Day marked our exact one year mark since our last date, since our last...everything.]
 During the conversation he threw in " I miss you". An " I miss you" that I just didnt need to hear. I wrote so many letters, wrote all my existing feelings..wrote out all my fantasies that came about from our chatting. I have let it seriously fuck with my mind for the last week. I rather not go into complete detail over the short conversation because I want his words to be kept to myself. I love him....I truley love him from the bottom of my heart but I can not have him. CAN NOT and no matter what i say or do their is nothing I can do to change that. It's best that I keep my sanity and not contact him. But I miss him...I miss everything about him. But I'm sure life will work itself out for the best. Being left alone with my thoughts helped me to realize that maybe....we arent the best fit. Maybe we arent the best couple. He was not meant to marry me...He was not THE one. BUT, I will never truley be over him until I find someone who takes my thoughts about him away. Until he is just a far memory that comes up every once and a while...not everyday. [*sigh*] Why do I still care about him? Why can't our memories just dissapear?! [No reason to respond..]

4 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

I hope you do feel better and come to a more level frame of mind with time. Warm hugs dear...

Queen2be said...

Damn i know! My ex n i still manage to stay friends n that is probably not the best of things but it had been six months that we were apart and he decided to tell me how much he missed me & wanted to go again....then he pulled out a week later..that fcked wit my head soo badd.

JStar said...

I have my boo that I feel this same way about...Havent let him go in 19 years...Trying the relationship again and being reminded why we werent together in the first place

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

i'm sorry you're having a rough time. i know how that is. i also know on the other side...cause there is a (actually more than one) that i had to just stop communicating with because every time we did they wanted more. it was impossible to just be friends despite the fact that i would have like to have been.

things hurt, it takes time..but it will pass. just hold on, it'll be over sooner than later.