They pretty much adore me :)

Friday, January 27

Hold the fuck up...am I the bottom bitch?

Yo.

My mind is so disheveled right now.
I just read an article over at BLACK GIRLS ARE EASY.  ...titled Stop Being The Bottom Bitch.
It's probably one of the realest articles I've read in a long ass time.
Any who, it left me questioning my position with the lover.

Am I his bottom bitch?
....Or one of them?

I love that boy...with my soul.
And I always just think that no one understands what it is that we have.
That even without a title, I know that it's real.

Even though he's forever away, I'll be here with him forever.
Through tragedy and all.

And I see no problem with that.
Well, I didn't. Until I read the article.

In my mind, I'd like to think that whatever we have is just complicated.
"More of friends, but the best of lovers."

Never been the girlfriend.
Never met his mother.
Never been out on "dates".

And it didn't bother me. Until I found out he was leaving, moving to Portland. I guess none of that really mattered.
It was too late, I was already completely in love with him.

I expressed my concerns about the title, the meeting of his mother...all after he had moved away.

But I feel like I must explain something.
This started on a different level.
Different than what I even wanted it to be.
I NEVER wanted to be girlfriend before.
NEVER gave a shit about meeting anyone..and going out on dates.
Because, well because I guess that when I got involved with him, that's not what I signed up for. It's not what I even wanted.

He was serious with me before I ever dreamed about being serious with him.

What is it that we have?
I can not answer that question.
I know that he wants me to be here with him...and I know that I want nothing more than to see him succeed.

But I'm not one of those girls who secretly wishes to marry him.
Who secretly thinks that I'll be wifey.
No, never.

BUT one day, since I'm being honest with myself, I do want that opportunity to be girlfriend. Just to test the waters. I know I'm more than qualified.

I'd like to believe that what we have is different. That there is absolutely no way that I am his bottom bitch. Just a bomb ass friend who wants the best for him...even if it never truly involves me. BUT...what if I am? What if I'm the girl that would never seriously be considered for girlfriend. What if I'm the girl that he just fucks when it's convenient...tells whatever to just to keep around?

I can't be that stupid bitch.
I can't be playing that role unknowingly...can I?
Fuck man.

Now I need to talk to him again.
But really, what is there to say?

No.
I'm not the bottom bitch.
I can't be.
I'm too fuckin fly to ever play a role like that.

I know that there is shit that Robyn doesn't stand for. He knows I'm not with the bullshit. Not the naive bitch buying him shit, not the one getting mad because he's fucking other bitches...just the one that loves him unconditionally. And the only strings attached are those to my heart. Those that will root him on towards his goals. Those who want nothing more than for him to be a success...as much as I want it for myself.

I'm someone that titles are important to, but with this...I don't know what it is.
I'm just going with the flow...and for now I'm content with it.
But if time goes on and I realize that I have been playing the "bottom bitch",
Mannn all hell will break loose. And I will only be able to blame myself.

But I know that we're more than that.
Well, I hope...

-Robyn Latice


1 comment:

1manview said...

Sounds like somebody need to have a serious talk with someone...