No more excuses...

This blog will become like a diary to me. I'm back on this everyday type shit...just because I have the app on my phone now. :) ! I miss blogging dearly. It kept me current on my writing...which I need!

Oooh where the fuck are my manners?...Hello loves! I've missed you ALL dearly.

There is no way I can give an update on my life right now. No way. Especially not for the last year or so. So from this point foward I will do my best to keep things pretty current. I have too much to talk about...and I never know who to turn to with my randomness. So this blog will be a tell all. Muah. I'll be back later with a real post. Toodles!

I know I've been gone, but I need you!

Yo.

First, HELLO to all my lovely followers and fellow bloggers. I've missed you all, dearly. That is a complete understatement. I need to update my blog on my life for almost the past year. Shit, it's been a while. But...Second, this is not a " I'm back" post. It's more of a " I have a slight problem and I rather talk to my blog world and get advice than hear what my friends have to say" post.

I'm IN love. In love with someone I thought I'd never fall for. Not seriously anyway. But I'm here...I've fallen. Well really, I've grown. I've grown in love with him and it feels...wonderful. Grown to love him, flaws and all. Unconditionally. And that is the problem. Let me give a little background.

I met him freshman year. Met him while I was completely IN love with someone else. With the ex. It was after we had broken up, but still had all the relationship benefits. I was hurting, broken when I met him. He made an advance at me, I didn't really care for him. He wasn't my type..and like I said my mind and heart were elsewhere. We chatted, and I let him into my bedroom. Inside of me. It was the first time that I hadn't thought about the ex. So for that reason and that reason alone, I kept letting him inside. In hopes to erase my ex. Terrible reason..but true. During the whole thing I can't say that I treated him like he deserved. I was a bitch{understatement}...and still he was there for me, dealing with me. He deserved better than me at the time. During freshman year, our whole situation got extra messy. I don't have time to even go into it. But let's say other people were in the picture. Some girl loved him, while he loved me, while I loved the ex. Messy, messy situation. Since freshman year we would chat for a while and then I'd tell him I want to be friends. The last time...he said he was done with me. At the time, I found it funny. Then I started to miss him. Contacted him...same back and forth, until recently. Recently he has been back in my life. And recently I've noticed that I don't love him. That instead, I'm in love with him. & I know he loves me. Problem is...I'm not number 1. I'm not the only. And I have a problem with it. I've never settled to be second with anyone..ever. I'm always the girlfriend, not the side. Every guy I've loved in the past, I've been in a relationship with. Serious relationships, getting all of the number one privileges. And this time I'm not. Not that I want a relationship, just to be number one. Because it bothers hurts me to be in any other place. He's the sweetest person. He knows me, more than anyone. He's the only person I've ever been so comfortable with. Sexually, he's the best that's ever done it...and I need desperately for him to make love to me. Love to me like I'm the only. He has a beautiful heart. A heart that I want to belong to me...he already has mine. He told me that he doesn't want me out of his life. But I know him...and he can't give me what I want from him now. So right now, I want to walk away.  I feel like I need to walk away. Walk away because everyday my love grows..and I know that I can't just be Number two forever. But I'm constantly reminded that he was my number two before. The difference is, he tried to out beat number 1. & I won't try. Because it would be pointless to try to compete. Not because I think she's better...but I'm sure they have more history. I guess I just need opinions. Should I walk away...or should I be there for him/with him like I want to be, even if it means the only role I play in his future is being the mistress that he's too in love with to let go? " Should I give up...or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place, should I leave it there?" Opinions are greatly welcomed. I need help, and some direction. It's all emotionally draining. Sorry to come back with all the emotional shit. But I'm lost..and I need some guidance.
Toodles!

Yo.
Shortest post ever.Mobile blogging sucks ass. Home computers suck ass. Laptop crashed after last post. Been busy. Miss you all dearly. Will be back.Toodles

Blogger Quote of the Week : Keenya

Yo.

"When our guys act up and we still choose to deal with them, have sex with them, cater to them, and allow them access to our heart, we aren't sending the message that we love them and down for whatever... we are sending a message that we stand for nothing and will allow anything..."--Keenya [Her Blog]

If you haven't already stopped by go ahead slide on over there now! Toodles!!

Flaw #2: Shallow Bitch

Yo.

Hello, My name is Robyn and I am a shallow bitch. Yeap...shallow on too many levels. I'm the girl who looks everyone I meet from head to toe..and judge them before they even open their mouth. I'm the girl who listens to the way people pronounce their words and automatically correct every word in my head. I'm the girl who looks at someone and says " she know she/he shouldnt wear that.", or " she/he should have worn this with that." I am the girl who would never date a guy based SOLEY on his personality. I am the girl who will not go on a "date" with someone I dont find cute at the moment.[I say "at the moment" because I have looked back and thought what was I thinking?..] Point blank, I am the girl who bases too many things on apperance. And, I am working on it. I try to contol those first thoughts that come in my mind...try to judge people based on their personality instead of their looks. I have always been scared to face my insecurities and weaknesses and now that I'm trying to confront them all at the same time...I'm realizing too many things that I never knew.I'm finding myself and trying to be my definition of a better person. It's working...kinda. I don't know how to just turn off my judgement when I see people! Don't get me wrong..I am very open-minded...but when it comes to how ones apperance should be,my mind closes. And I become THAT bitch, that shallow bitch too scared to face her own insecurities, so she picks at others! I'm a work in progress...Toodles! 

Phone Sex :X..blah!

Yo.
So a fellow blogger,Khaki, is having a "30 Day Quest to Phone Sex" over on her blog--> [*Not All Baltimore Chicks are Stupid*]. She's attempting to perfect her lack of skills at phone sex. Swear it is hella entertaining...and if you haven’t checked her blog out...What the hell are you waiting for?

Anywho her post got me thinking on the whole phone sex thing...and how much I totally despise it! The purpose of phone sex is an alternative form of pleasure when you’re not really in that person’s presence. But for me...that shit does nothing but leave me irritated as hell. I used to participate just for the satisfaction of the guy...It used to be interesting to hear their reactions...and the shit they say to continue my "fantasy" I’m describing at the moment. I assume they all just love hearing the nasty fantasy filled words escaping my mouth. They enjoy the fake moaning, the thought that I’m actually masturbating while on the phone...I always wondered were the guys on the other side really jacking off to the sound of my voice. Well my slightly altered voice. *Softened voice, light moans building to loud moans...as if dick were really being delivered to me.*Or were they acting like me? Either way...they enjoyed it, and I'd like to think I was damn good at it. My moans alone would leave me in a state ready to...*clears throat*, ... I mean I have a way with my words that could make any freak horny....

*excerpt from the OTHER blog:*
Hello, My name is [insert alter ego name here], Ms.Extacee if you nasty. Would you like a quickie? --Excuse me, I meant would you like to fuck me senseless?...Ready?.....

Go.
[Insert the nasty beggining that I think is too raunchy for this blog]....
Let me put my pretty pussy on your face. Mmmm, yes that's right daddy [mami] , lick it like you own it. Stick that tongue in deep, flick it rapidly over my clit...and don’t forget to slightly nibble. Yes, I love that shit. Show me that you have the skills I yearn for. Make sure you grip my ass, roughly...Please. Oooooh, dig your nails into my ass....[continued with the extra raunchyness.]

& those are the cleanest line I could find on that post. Point proven?...Anywho,Back to the point!
I enjoyed phone sex the firsttime i tried it. It was a bit awkward but I wasnt the one doing all the talking, he basically just wanted to hear me moan. Interesting..but then it just got really boring for me. The constant request to have phone sex...the constant irritation I am left with & the pleasure I am left without. Why participate in something that makes me crave dick even more...just to hear the sound of someone’s voice while you’re supposedly pleasing yourself? And some have talked up some extra nasty shit [Yes, I love nasty!]...leaving me moist and ready to walk to get the dick.

I no longer participate in phone sex...If the only thing I get from it is left in an even worse horny position than I started...I just see no point. You want an alternative? How about I send a few pics...or a video? But as far as that phone sex thing, I retired a while ago...so sorry bruh, call a hotline or some other shit. What are your thoughts on phone sex? To participate or not to participate?...Ok, Toodles!