Can I tell you something?...

Today, I'm doing a 10-1. Things have changed since my first one....

Remember, the 10 to 1 is basically writing down the 10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are :)



To the woman that my prayers have always been reserved for:
Quick tempers.
Sugarless words.
Frequent fists.
Replaying in my new found years of maturity. Years of understanding. Perfection was expected; nothing less accepted. Love disguised by a desire to breed the best. For then, for now, for the future...thank you, I needed it, all.

To my title-less love, the man of my frequently subconscious desires:
part of me hopes this lasts forever.
Beyond forever.
This? This romance, this friendship...this bond.
You frequent my dreams and I allow those images to take control.
Even if no one else ever understands, my love is with you for this lifetime. My lifetime. Your lifetime. Remember through it all, you got me.

To the creator of all souls, the father of all minds:
I need you.
I always have.
I tend to lose sight of what is important to me...sometimes all I have is you.
All my darkest confessions lye with you.
Please help me to overcome the things I can't seem to shake. Keep me guided in the right direction...and if I start to stray please reach down and remind me where I'm headed.

To the new man, slowly trying to tip-toe into my heart:
Be careful. I am broken, handle me with care.
Be patient for those times that I forget that someone loves me.
Fight harder in those times when I will push you away.
Communicate and trust me. I am stronger than I appear.
& remember: I no longer believe in fairy tales.

To the one before the last,"something to do when there's nothing to do"... Number 9 if you will:
I hope you knew what it was when we started.
I hope you knew that I was only interested in one thing...and for your sake I hope you were too.
It wasn't what I'm used to, no where near it. So I'm over it. You had your one shot... and my thoughts?
On to the next...

To the past, the one's who never made it:
It takes a certain type of person to deal with me.
You didn't measure up.
Or maybe it was I..I who didn't measure up. 
It's not your fault...it never was.
I'm sorry.
Part of me wishes, the smallest part---that something would have worked. That maybe I wouldn't be so scarred,...so close to heartless.

To the neglected spirit of my genes:
I have been acting as if you never existed.
I used to speak to you everyday when you first left me,
Correction: When you first came back in my life for eternity.
Somewhere between this hell and heaven, my words got lost.
Maybe I'm ashamed to still be in the same place...
I love you. & I know these genes weren't passed on to become nothing.
Next time I speak with you, I will be doing better. No excuses.

To the one soul that may possess the most faith in me:
My personal little angel.
Thank you for always being here...even when my emotions surpass alone.
Thank you for having my back when the world turned theirs.
Thank you for loving me, unconditionally.
& Thank you most for encouraging me to be better, better than anyone expected. With my heart, mind,and soul...I love you.

To the one who I am supposed to confide to:
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about serious issues.
Too worried that I'm being judged for certain situations.
And I know...I know I shouldn't feel like it.
I know I should just rant and ramble my life away..
that is what your here for. But sometimes...I just don't want to.
Sometimes I rather write, write where I can't be judged


To the root of it all, the over-analyzer... the corrupt dreamer:
We've come along way.
I've watched as we've grown from naive little girl, to a beautiful knowledge-seeking young lady.
The things that were once important to you, have been replaced by real issues.
The things that you never understood are suddenly becoming clear as day. We have a long journey, this is only the beginning. Continue to grow. When we look back on it all, hopefully our dreams will have finally become reality. And I'll look at you with my best smile and nod " You go girl."

Sincerely,

The mind of the dreamer with the corrupt heart, who has finally been pry-ed open

Letter to My Ex, Next..and all that good shit in between!

Yo.
 I swear today just couldnt be any worse. Ughh, feels like everything is crashing around me. I dont really want to discuss my day in detail right now...maybe when i get some strength to deal with it all..I will! But today..today I'm just going to borrow another bloggers idea. I saw it on i am the unpretentious narcissist who got the idea from Truth on the Rocks ! Both of whom are lovely bloggers..gone head and check them out! Anywho...on to my letter! [Sorry for the length!]

Dear [Nigga that was just hittin' it i.e Fuckbuddy]:

You know I dont take yo ass serious right? I mean to tell you the truth I never really did. I'd appreciate it if you stop trying to contact me everytime you think we in the same area...textin/callin/facebooking me about " when we gone kick it?". Then why you got to use dumb downed phrases like that? i mean you want pussy..might as well say "when we gone get together and fuck again?"...I mean cause thats all that it translates to in my mind anyway. And why once I tell you all i want is to be fuck buddies..nothing more, your brain tells you to try to make me your girl? Just because we've had a few pillow talks when yo ass wouldnt go home does not mean that I like yo ass...and damn for sure not love. Remember baby..we just fuckin'. Keep yo feelings to yoself and just share the dick please. The only feelings you need to be concerned with of mine are the ones goin on in my pussy..ok? Thanks for understanding!
 P.S- Lose my number...I stopped fuckin with you for a reason.

Dear [Dude i thought I was in love with, dudes I was in love with, and the ones I liked enough to take the " Im yo girl" title i.e EXes]:

Hmmm. Let me start by saying that all of you werent bad. I mean all of you are actually pretty decent dudes. besides the fact that ya'll all triflin. But moral wise and shit yall got some good heads on your shoulders. For the ones that I left....more than likely you deserved it. More than likely i was bored with you..and I warned you from jump..I tend to get bored easily. To the ones that i used....um sorry? I mean if you give me full control what you think ima walk on by? Hell naw..Ima take that shit and run with it. I hate men who let you run over them...anytime my EVERY opinion becomes your opinion too..we have a problem. To the ones that left me....smh. I wanna say fuck yall. But really yall the only ones I gave a damn about. The only ones I cared about leaving...well except for one. And to that one..nigga I know you thought I was devastated..and yea I was. but it wasnt cause you left, it was cause I didnt get to break up with you first..now that shit did something to my ego. Letting a nigga like you break up with me?..smh! Fuck you! To the ones i loved....I still have love for you..might not be IN love, but I def love yall asses.We all had good times...I hope yall suceed  and all that good shit.Talk to ya whenever.
P.S- Ya'll can lose my number too. Dont contact me trying to fuck with my head..and damn for sure dont contact me trying to get ANOTHER chance, telling me how much I'm missed..comparing me to yo bitches after me..." You must regret the day that you left me", well duh I know that I'm better!Yo fault.!...ugh, nigga dismissed!

Dear [What the fuck...is that dude hiding in the bush? i.e STALKERS]:

I know you reading this shit, I know you excited you got a lil air time huh? You think I dont know that you check my twitter,facebook,blog, and any and every other social network you can find me on? I mean dude..hw the fuck you know I had a skype..or a formspring before I even publicized it? Crazy ass dudes. And this aint only to the exes,crazy niggas I wont give the time of day, ex fuckbuds, or just them random ass creepy dudes. Nope, its to the bitches too. I know yall watching...trying to find another reason to have my name all in you mouth. [" My names in yo mouth so it must be delicious"]..Yea I know it makes yo life to talk shit about me...but bitch you aint got stalk me on the low.Reading my shit..reading extra hard in betweeen the lines. Ughh, yall make me sick. Swear you dont like me but you keep up with my shit more than I do?Oh and um..just wait til I get my hands on a tazzer. Swear you gone wish you got my permission to just pop up off fuckin guard and shit...We clear?

Dear [.....Future?]:

Do me a favor and just dont be like the idiots,assholes,triflin niggas above. Show me that it is possible to find someone good for me..and good to me. Dont play games with my heart and try to destroy me. Respect me, be willing to be there with me. Be willing to stand in front of me [protect me]...show me that you are different...and I will give you the same. I havent been perfect, and I cant promise that I ever will be. But I will do [not try] my best...if your willing to do the same.Just be different. A different breed of man than Im used to dealing with. Show me that good and man can go in the same sentence with out be the biggest fuckin oxymoron in the world. Be on the same level in life I am...or higher.  Be able to stimulate my mind, my body, my soul....be like a fairytale;to good to be true! Can you do all of that..or am I asking too much?!

[Yea, i suggest all of you do one. Even if its just for your eyes. Makes you feel good to get it out! :) Oh..I am on formspring now, gone head and ask me anything in that lil box on my sidebar. I'll answer everything! :) And I'm on skype..guess I should put that on the sidebar as well. I'm on the T's now. The Dish on Kamik to be exact...! :) Almost fully caught up...Ok, Toodles!]

Just Wondering...

Yo.
Today...well today taught me never to take Nyquil and doctor prescriptions together. Lol. I slept for around 19 hours...and when I woke up I swore it was around noon. Wrong, I woke up at 9:00...p.m! Missed 2 classes and still feel like hell. But I digress. Thanks for all the wonderful "Get Well" wishes. I really do appreciate it. I made my blog rounds, some of you post 2 million things a day making it IMPOSSIBLE for me to catch up..lol! But even if I dont comment on EVERYthing, know that I do read EVERY blog I follow! The blogs I follow are like a replacement to my TV. They keep me caught up on current events AND keep me highly entertained! Anywho...today I was just thinking a few things over, and wondering is what I'm doing a waste of time.

Have you ever wished you could get a glimpse of your future life? Not to be older or anything....but to see how certain things work out. Like when you start a relationship and wonder if this is going to be the one...do you ever wish you had a glimpse just to see if he'd be in that future of yours?! Or a glimpse to make sure that what you’re doing gets you to where you want to be. To make sure that you become someone...! I wish I could have a glimpse, a glimpse to where I’m completely stable/graduated college/started a career/ and possibly a family. But I guess having that glimpse would make things easy...or maybe more difficult. If you had a chance to see your future would you take it? That question is similar to “If you had a chance to know the exact date you die...would you want to know?"! My answer to that would have to be No. I'd obsess with things I need to get done before that date and my life would be on a complete time schedule. I'd surely stress myself out trying to squeeze it all in. Every second would be life changing...and when that day came. I'd surely go crazy and have a COMPLETE breakdown. Maybe if I had a glimpse into my future I'd be the same. I'd change what I was doing to compensate with whatever it is I saw. Hmmm...It's best that I make my mistakes and slowly learn from them. Its best that I grow, things are best the way they are...No premonitions needed! Ok, just a daily off the wall thought. What about you all. If you had the chance to see a glimpse of your future...would you take it? OR... If someone knew the EXACT date you'd die, would you want them to tell you?! Why or Why not...Until next time babes, Toodles!