Maybe HE taught me for someone else...

A peek inside my personal journal:

January 15, 2012:

I want to call.

Call to almost…ask permission.

Ask permission to be involved fully in someone else.

I want him to hear it from me.

I want him to know that even through this…

I love him, forever.

That I love him more than any and every one….that if I had the option to chose,

it would always be him.

ALWAYS.

BUT for now…right now, I must move on.

I can no longer sacrafice my happiness for what might turn out to be just another dream. Another fantasy, a figment of my imagination.

January 21,2012:

WE finally talked.

Talked about the new guy and him wanting a relationship.

I asked his advice,

I felt as if I needed his permission to begin anew.

The lover said that I should give the new guy, Gregory, a try.

He gave me permission.

The permission that I was seeking.

And shortly after, I had a breakdown.

A breakdown because I know that my heart only beats for him.

That the only thing I’ve ever craved…is him.

And that starting this new thing…might drive me insane.

What if it actually works with this new guy?

What if it actually lasts?

Where will that leave the lover?

When will I have my time with him?

Confession.

I’m scared.

Scared that I’m just going to fuck things up in this new relationship.

Scared to fall in love.

Scared shitless.

Scared to…what feels like, leave the lover…

Scared to let go of my dreams of him. Of us.

I feel stupid.

More so than you could even begin to imagine.

Why am I letting whatever we have…possibly affect my present?

Why am I scared to just live in the moment?

Oh yea, because it’s my heart we’re playing with now.

Tugging at its strings, testing it in every way.

I’m probably failing.

ANd I dont know how to fix it.

BUT he gave me permission. 

I wonder how he feels about it, is he really ok with it.

I guess he has to be, he isn’t here with me.

Maybe I shouldn’t go into this with so much baggage. 

Hidden baggage.

Because in the end it will all come out.

Explode in my face like it usually does.

But I can’t run from it…and no longer will I let it affect my NOW.

So…welcome the new guy.

But the most potent part of my heart will always be saved for the lover. 

Through tragedy and all.

-Robyn Latice

Letter to MY {Love}-r:

My tragically gorgeous,

My how things have changed. I remember when we first met. How I didn't really want to be there. I remember my first thoughts."Who the hell flirts by asking if I'm horny because I'm twirling my hair?"...but if you would've asked me back then where I saw us, if I saw an us....'Never' would easily have parted my lips. But somehow you made your way into my bed, inside of me. Made me forget my pain in life. I guess you were my pain killer. When you slipped inside of me...nothing mattered. Life issues disappeared. When you whispered in my ear, all attention was on you. All I felt was pleasure.

I remember wanting you often. Just to take my mind off of things. How selfish I was. Only thinking of me.

I remember that I didn't want you to love me. I didn't want you to be hurt by the monster that lives inside of me. And even if you thought I never took your feelings in consideration, they were always on my mind. Understand ...that at the time I thought it was best to push you away. I thought you'd do better in someone else's life. I didn't need to be loved...because ultimately I knew I would just hurt you. & that was never my goal.

Remember when you told me you loved me. I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that you knew what you were saying...that you didn't KNOW me. So I refused to get caught up in what I thought was just words.

I remember when I walked into Arkansas Hall and saw you with another girl. Looking like you were escorting her from your room. The sharp sting I felt. Remember telling myself to shake it off....not to look phased. It's when I realized that I more than just liked you. More than just wanted to feel you inside of me.
Remember that you came to my room. Pacing. To apologize. How cute I thought it was. Sweet that I meant that much.

But still, I remained a bitch. An asshole. For protection. I didn't have any more pieces of my heart that could risk getting broken. And for that I apologize.(You were always better than him. Even when I couldn't see.)
I still think that night that you came to my room with the 3 movies you rented for us randomly....was the sweetest thing tht anyone has ever done for me. That night it hurt me to turn down your attempts. But, I was still in protection mode.

I didn't want to be just another number to you. I was so afraid to be hurt again, that I didn't allow you to love me. Love me like I needed.
Even when we stop communicating, you worked your way back into my life. Made me realize how deep this really was...how deep this really is. And for that, I thank you. Thank you for your consistency. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to truly fall for you. Well...grow. Grow to the highest form of love I've ever experienced. And even with all of my craziness, thank you for accepting me. As Robyn. Flawed and all. Thank you for being the only person that I can be myself with, comfortably...and completely.

If I could take back my antics, I would in a heartbeat. Blind to your love the first time around...blind to your beauty. If I knew that we were on a time limit, it would've been different. But then again...I guess thats what I was afraid of. Afraid of letting you in, only for you to leave me.
Now that your gone...I need you more than ever. So many words unsaid. So many feelings unshared. Soooo many tears cried...because I don't want it to be goodbye. Not forever.

2208 miles away, and still you consume my thoughts. Holding them hostage. I could look at you all day, without you saying a word...and still be entertained. Kiss you in your sleep for an eternity. Watch you talk, listen to you laugh. Be a part of your silliness. All day every day...and I'd never get bored.

And our sex? It can get no better. The way my body reacts to your touch.  Melts from your kisses. Responds to your thrust. Craves for your words. Drips from our passion.

Lover, lover...please stay with me for a lifetime. Stay with my heart, make your home in my soul. I promise never to let you go. Promise for a lifetime. I love you more than all words could express, and know that OUR forever isn't up yet...

Guys who don’t think they measure up down there/how girls have influence on how guys feel about their size.

Yo.


First thing, Sorry about the slacking with my posts! I will try to make this a daily blog...but sometimes I just don’t feel up to it. But hopefully my days will get better! Anywho, so I was talking to my brother :) and he suggested a really nice topic...So here goes.

ok..so this has nothing to do w/ the topic, just thought it was funny :)

Topic of the day: Guys who don’t think they measure up down there and how girls have influence on how guys feel about their size.

Ok. So this is such a touchy topic for a lot of guys. I've been with a guy who is a little insecure when it comes to the size of his dick. In my opinion he was just fine...all I needed! He wasn’t small, not HUGE...but not at all small! I never complained about the size of his dick, I didn’t even know he had a problem with his size until after we broke up. I asked him why he thought he didn’t measure up, why that silly thought was even crossing his mind when I had never complained. To find out the issue was based on what one of his previous exes had told him. He and the girl had gotten into an argument after they broke up one day at school. A very public argument and when she got at her maddest she yelled out those horrible words that no man would ever want to hear “That’s why you have a small dick anyway". Tragic! Of course in front of the public he dusted it off like it was nothing...but he took those few words to heart. & since then he had a problem with his size. When he shared that story with me I felt his pain. I mean, I knew his ex-girlfriend and I knew she was extremely childish! She was still very much in love with him and didn’t want to see him with anyone else. So when he wasn’t with her she took that below the belt shot at his pride. She won.

So after his story, I spent the rest of the night trying to convince him that he wasn’t small, but getting nowhere! [A tip for girls: When you’re trying to convince a guy that he isn’t small stay away from the phrase "It doesn’t matter about the size...as long as you can work what you have"...Trust me it only makes things worse.] I had never seen an insecure side of him, EVER! He always came off as so confident in everything...and he had that right. *"He walks like this cause he can back it up. He got a BIG ego -Beyonce" * I mean performance wise he was and still remains my best. He did it like no other, and it was all about pleasing me! But because some ex girlfriend said he was small he will always have doubt in my words. Doubt that he is the best. Why is that? Why will guys let those few little words take a toll on them? I mean if it’s only that one chick, that one time that has said it...why takes it to heart? Some guys say because that "one chick, that one time" is probably the only girl willing to be real with them. But if you know that you're giving pleasure to these girls...if you know that when you have sex with your partner you leave them CRAVING you...then why does the size issue come about?!

When females tell a guy his dick is small, for the most part it is out of anger. He could be 12 inches but when he makes her made enough she'll yell whatever it takes to HURT him...and that will most definitely hurt the strongest man! But the females that decide to yell that out of anger are childish anyway! All of them, no matter what the case, they are childish! If a girl just has to tell a guy that he is small that is not the way to do it. Personally size isn’t that MUCH of an issue. But it does matter, because there are some dicks that are just impossible to work with. Don’t even try to get in the bed with me if you only bringing 2 inches. That’s an insult to me! Smhh...It’s like dude wtf were you thinking?! Why even do this to yourself?! But guys don’t have to be 9 inches and above...6, 7, and 8...good workable sizes. 5? If you know how to work it then gone head do you. But 4 and under, I just can’t work with you, Sorry! [:(] Go out and buy some Extenze or one of those other male enhancement pills. No offense to you guys though. Because I have been with a "small" guy...and I just didn’t enjoy it...Guys with smaller dicks have more work to do. Pick your positions wiser...pick ones that off the bat give deeper penetration and maybe it will work!

Why let one girl ruin your ego, why base your size and performance on one girl/guys opinion? I mean why does that mean so much...especially if you know it was said out of anger? What could the next girl say to convince you guys that you aren’t small? That your performance is indeed extremely good? How do you handle situations like that? How do you tell a guy that he is too small in a nice way?! Just a few questions for you guys! Feel free to answer any of them! Leave me comments [it can be anonymous :)]! Tell me your opinion on this whole thing! Ok, until next time
....TOODLES!