Trying to get attention my ass....

Yo.
So, I've decided to just start posting my random ass thoughts as well to this blog. Meaning, I’m going to stop trying to be so structured and find things that everyone wants to discuss. Nope. I’m quitting with all of that. Now my blog is all about me! Yeap...

So on facebook my profile photo is of me wearing a cute top and my panties. [See my facebook badge in sidebar]Yeap, my panties. It wasn’t a whole “Oooh let me take a picture in my panties and post it on facebook" type of thing. Nope I took the picture while lounging in my room one day. I looked in the mirror and was having one of them “shit I look good" moments and grabbed my phone and snapped a few pics. I always lounge in my room without pants so at the time it wasn’t a big deal. I liked one of the pics and put it on facebook. Since then I've had all kinds of EXTRA comments, inbox messages, text messages, and even direct face to face comments about my damn picture. And I’m always like dude it aint that serious! Comments in the inbox range from " You’re so beautiful/jazzy/confident/classy?" to “Damn. Sexy as fuck/Let me handle that body/ oooh-wee/ “and all other types of bullshit. IF I know them [meaning if I know who these dudes are outside of facebook] I'll send back "Thank you." expecting it to be the end of the convo. But it rarely ever is. It’s always followed by some lame attempt to get at me. & I’m like on facebook...really? Why?--Anywho, the "in person" comments are always about how naked I am on my picture and how I need to put on clothes or something of the sort. I don’t believe I’m naked. Yes, I have my panties on...but all of my thighs aren’t even showing. It’s just a small portion of leg revealed and its a big fuss over nothing. A lot of people think I do shit like that for attention. Somebody [a female of course] wrote me in my honesty box. First off I’m thinking who the fuck uses Honesty Box anymore...and why the fuck is some random bitch writing me. The message stated "Um, you need to put some clothes on in your profile picture. Stop being so nasty, trying to get attention." <---Wtf? I’m like...hello, who the fucks attention am I trying to get? I don’t want that lame ass attention, and I don’t want strangers lusting over me...I damn for sure don’t do it for the attention. I like the picture; I think its badass...so I made it my profile photo. I don’t mind people commenting saying whatever but when they start to think I’m doing it just because I enjoy getting all the lame excuses for men approaching me...It pushes my buttons. Another reason why I don’t deal with too many females--that's hating to me. If you don’t like the shit remove me from your friend list and have a nice day. Damn, all up on my clit--Can you let go please. Shit. Can’t be doing shit for myself these days. Ughhh, I’m starting to hate facebook, its sooo lame...and messy, and boring as fuck! I think I might remove myself then people won’t have to think I’m doing shit on there for attention. Anywho just me venting again..! Until something else pisses me off....Toodles!

Ghetto Poem--wtf is malt likka & bar ba q? -lol

Yo.
Hello everyone. This is just another random post, nothing to discuss in general. I was reading someones blog and had to post this....! It is the ghetto-est poem I've ever read. I'm all for recieving poetry from guys but this? This...Im pretty sure I could do without. Hella funny though. Enjoy! :)

Ghetto Poem:

Gurl I love you, straight up fa sho

Or I wouldna told them ova girls not to call me no mo
I knewed it was true, da first day I seent you
Why you thank I do, the thangs I do?

Rememba ha I usta wine and dine you,
Schlits Malt Likka and Bar Ba Q?
I gave you a bubble baff and fed you grapes
cuz dey was on sale that week a dolla ninety eight.

Romantic evenins afta dark
Skreet light walks around da park
Like the very first time you had came ova my house.

And you got all skerd cuz that roach was on yo timbs
I was right there wit a can o' spray
to be yo super man and save da day.

I ain't even pay my light bill,
so I can take you to da club...
Don't knock ova dos candles and burn up my rug!
And dat night we made luv for a long little bit of time
I hope you got yours, cuz I shole nuff got mine!
I woke up early and made you breffix in bed
Sep for I ain't have no juice, no grits, and no eggs.
Didn't have no cereal and was fresh outta milk.
so we had some toast and some tato chips.
I use to rub lotion on ya feets and massage ya back
I found you some glue when you lost one of yo tracks.

Now what man you knowed
ever loved you like dis?
Gurl please just take my name
off dat chile support list.


lol, seriously this is soo funny to me. Anywho. Toodles!

A short poem on Love.

Yo.
So my weekend at home was definitely most needed. I got a little of my sanity back...lol! I hope you guys’ weekend was wonderful as well. Tonight my post will be pretty short. Just a few feelings on "Love".... Enjoy!

Love.
I am infatuated by love; in lust with the beauty of love.
I am Love's groupie.
I've been chasing. But every time I catch it...it just struggles free.
I yearn for the feelings, for the completion it brings.
I admire love.
It escapes; I have to find it again. I have to have it.
When it's in my presence, I freeze up. I go wild like the groupie I am.
I’m at a loss of words, but I know what I feel.
I know that I feel overtaken. I know that I feel...complete.
Love is the quickest runner I know.
Just when I think I’ve caught it, forever...
It slips away.
Love is the most beautiful pain I’ve felt.
Even when Love hurts me, even when it leaves...
I can't help but to remember.
Remember the good times me and love have shared.
All the smiles and knowledge love has brought me.
Call it an obsession if you will.
I am infatuated by love. In lust with the beauty of love.
I am Love's groupie.

Why do I find so much beauty in love…even after I feel I’ve lost mine? Anywho... until next time Toodles!

You want to be a sideline?!,...um excuse me?

Yo.
This week just started bad all together. But today, today has been a MUCH better day! Yes! Anywho, tonight I would like to discuss girls who FUCK with dudes that have girlfriends. [If you’re one of THOSE girls you might want to stop reading---this post is not meant to offend ANYONE, but if it does...so be it!] So you've been warned...!

Todays Topic: Being one of THOSE girls...

So what is the beauty in being one of THOSE hoes...excuse me, one of those girls! What is so glamorous about being the other girl? In my opinion there is nothing glamorous about it...at all. So why do sooo many women put themselves in this situation? I think that it's just a way of letting guys get away with being triflin'. In those girls minds they think the male cares more about them than they do their current girlfriends. When in all reality their there for pussy. Their fucking guys knowing that they have girlfriends that they care about...and shit to them that’s the best of both worlds. I mean can you blame them for taking the opportunity. They have convenient pussy [THOSE girls] and they have the girl they want to talk to, be with, sex, love, and vibe with on that level. Because THOSE girls can’t really trip when he says he's on the phone with his girl, or that he's out with her...or when he doesn’t respond or acknowledge them in public when their together. Smh.

So where are the positives in this situation? If the man cared about them that much he would leave his girl as soon as he developed those feelings...right? But instead he's claiming to the world that he loves this certain girl he's with...and where are THOSE girls? In the background...of no importance! Now some do it because they LOVE these guys. This is even worse. Every woman deserves better than being a sideline. Clearly they are the other girl because they didn’t quite meet the requirements to be his girl...meaning they weren’t good enough. It makes me sooo mad to see stuff like this. I think it’s silly and I always wonder what goes through their minds. Knowing that what they have has to stay hidden, never public. [Its some guys who make their sideline public...and to me that just means they aint worth shit. Just triflin’ all the way around because it means they don’t care enough about neither...] and to those who just get pleasure out of being the other girls...I find that just triflin’. Not because it can, mess up a relationship but because the only reason THOSE girls get involved is because knowing that he has a girlfriend brings them pure pleasure...not pain like those girls who fall in love while being a sideline. These girls find pleasure because “the fact that she don't know...it really turns me on." - TLC. That "ahah, I got yo man" type bullshit. Craziness if you ask me. Pure craziness.

Now...I’m not perfect, I've messed with one guy who has had a girlfriend. But at the time I had a boyfriend as well. He had a girl; I had a man. My man was clingy as hell...and I was bored with him. [Which means I should have broken up with him...but I was childish then.] But this situation is different from the one's I've discussed above. We both had someone more important, we were both each other’s sidelines. The only reason this is different is because...well if shit popped off-as in if things went public- we would both have something to lose. Someone to lose. Which is a much better position to be in. It means the both of us were going to stay in line. And honestly I didn’t even like dude, we had a few conversations and kissed once or twice, but I wasn’t even slightly attracted to him. Just did it for the thrill, just to make my life a little more interesting! I know...I was childish, so sue me. So if you HAVE to have an affair with a married man or happen to fuck with a guy with a girlfriend...make sure the both of you have something of importance to lose if the situation every gets crazy!

To all those girls who are just sidelines....you deserve better. You ARE better. Don't put yourself in a situation for settling to be a sideline because you have feelings for a guy. Because if he had those same feelings you would be his girl...Point Blank Period. You’re disrespecting yourselves by settling. There are better men, one's that would never deal with making you a sideline because they know your worth! So...learn your worth! Ok, enough venting for tonight...until next time ........
Toodles!

So...I MIGHT be celibate?

Yo.


So today has been a MUCH better day. Like I said I’m trying to be off that depressing shit! Oh, and to my new followers...*waves hands frantically*Hello lovely's! It's so nice of you to join me! :)

 Ok, so I've finally deleted all of his messages...and guess what I actually feel A LOT better! I thought I'd be sad but it's like having a fresh start finally! Anywho my topic for tonight came from reading a fellow bloggers, Epitome, post on her not hvaing sex. [Visit -Epitome-  *Here*] in this post I will be discussing my whole “I might be celibate?" thing. Yeah...celibate! Me? For those who know me yall are probably thinking "Girl hell naw, shut that shit up."...But if you scroll down I’m keeping a counter at the very bottom of the last time I've had sex. And...IT'S ALMOST BEEN 6 MONTHS! Wow!-- Now, I hate when people throw the word celibate around because most of the time if they not having sex its involuntary. Celibacy is usually based around religious reasons...and that is definetly not the case here. So I will not be throwing it around. I'm not taking a vow to be celibate, I’m just going without sex until I find someone who I feel doesn’t just want to hit. You know? And that’s been hella hard lately! Lately I just don’t trust guys as far as I can throw them [cliché I know!] But I don't. None of them.

 I mean at one point in my life I used to believe that it was possible for boys and girls to be just friends without either ever thinking any sexual thoughts about their friend. But yea...that’s proven not to be true for me. But...maybe just me. My friends that happen to be male have all expressed in some sort of way that they'd love a chance to sleep with me. I find it quite annoying. I mean here I am talking to you about all my life problems and how triflin' dudes are in general...and you’re lusting after me?! Ughhh...who does that leave me to talk to if all yall motherfuckas wanna screw me?! I mean is it really so hard to find a dude that I can just be friends with...? Without them ever thinking "Damn...if only she let me."...Ladies? Let me know if it's just me! I guess I just need to find a new group of people to hang with. New dudes, news females...cause the ones now, it just isn’t hitting on shit! [Well except my besties...love those girls to death.]

Anywho back to this whole not having sex thing. Ok, so at first it wasn’t intentional. It was just that after my last sex partner I became anti-social to the EXTREME. Which I still am, but then I didn’t even notice that I hadn’t had sex. Now? Now this shit is starting to get to me. but I’m not just gone walk up to the first dick I see and jump on it...oooh but some days...some days make me want to call up the closest dick from my past.... And I'll leave it to that. Simple. But now I’m determined to find someone who convinces me [which is gone be pretty hard] that they want more than just sex. Yeap, let’s see how high my counter gets before I take it down. Hopefully it doesn’t take ANOTHER 6 months...but who knows! :)! I hope my lovelys are having a wonderful day...Until next time...
TOODLES!

  

It's been a year :(

Yo.

Today is October 25, 2009. Exactly one year ago the love of my life [K.J] broke up with me. Yes this post might be a downer, but I write about what's on my mind. And this I NEED to write. All month I've been dreading this day, wondering how I would react...wondering would I cry. Wondering how far I've come...wondering so many things that should be far from my mind. I don’t like talking to people about him, because I know that by now I should have BEEN moved on. I know that...I’m stupid. The saddest part is probably how we broke up. How can you break up with someone you claim to love so much through a text message...and when they call to ask what the fuck is going on you don’t even have the decency to answer the phone?! Besides that, this post is to evaluate how far I've really come. So I guess I have to ask myself some questions. [How often do you think about him?]-*sigh* Every day, every single fucking day. [What do you think about?]*sigh* How much I miss him, how much he meant to me...how happy he made me, how i hope that he's ok.[Do you still cry over him?]*sigh* Sort of like I am now? Every once in a while I can’t help the tears. [Do you want him back?]...my heart says yes, but my mind says to answer NO. [Are you ok with how ya'll are?] Yes, I’m OK with not speaking with him. Yes I'm OK with not seeing him, Yes I'm OK. [Are you happy that he has moved on?] No. No I am not happy that he has moved on. BUT I am happy that he found HER. I am happy that he is in HER life...I am happy that he is happy! And yes that is the truth. This blog is no place for sugar-coating. I honestly believe that AT THIS TIME she might be a better girlfriend than I am. Yeah, and I never admit shit like that. So add up all the sadness with my happiness and you get content. So I’m content on how things happened. I have grown from it, and learned so much from him. Things that I didn’t know about me. I could sit here and verbally reminisce through our whole relationship, tell exactly what I love, what I didn’t love as much, and what went wrong on both behalves...but it would take a century...and leave me steps behind. You know i still have his text messages in my phone?! All of them...secretly saved in my drafts. Before the end of the day I hope I have the strength to delete them. He is not mine anymore, no point of hanging on to the "thinking about you's", the "missing you's", the "I love you's", or the "I love you mores’". No point in holding on so tightly to a past that has fought so hard to get away.


Simply, I miss him. Everything about him...no matter what anyone says he is a great person. Even if he is childish, a cheater, shallow or anything else everyone else wants to call him. Every now and then I feel the need to call/txt him...just to see how he is. To make sure he is ok. I've never been the type to be stuck on someone. After relationships end usually I have a list of new prospects by the next week. And with him...I can honestly say he was different...but in an all too similar way. His laughter haunts me, random images of him, his smiles, his phrases...they all follow me. Why is it so hard to escape this feeling?!.Compared to others it feels like my first time falling in love. Although I know this isn’t the case. Why am I so scared to try again?! Because I fell TOO hard, and it seems impossible to get back to where I was before him. IMPOSSIBLE.

So to what used to be MY Mr. Jones...I still love you, BUT I am truly happy to see you happy with HER. And to the new Mrs., Make sure you take care of him. Make sure that you don’t hurt him...Make sure that you love him as I loved him, Make sure he stays happy!

[TO MY READERS: I'm sorry. I will try to avoid the depressing shit...but this I couldn’t help....so until next time...TOODLES! ]