[-Surprise-]: Welcome, Formspring, Blogger Quote..and all that jazz

Yo.

Yes, there are limits too the questions I will actually "answer" in formspring. I will always "respond" but I will not necessarily answer the question at hand. EVERYthing doesnt need to be discussed over the internet! Ok? Especially not on my personal blog.

For those who don't follow me on twitter I recently had a mini confessional tweet session. & during the tweet session i admitted having a sex blog. A sex blog that I shut down yesterday. Some of my followers from there have decided to click the link I left there and follow me here...[*whispers: Hello playmates*]. I had 4 blogs to keep every aspect of my life seperate. One is a diary..only I can access. One is a confessional blog..and the other beside this one was the sex blog.I started it to discuss all things sexual without judgement from those who read my blog from my hometown. Without everyone knowing my business...to that extent. But since I'm "celibate" I decided to let that one go. It was fun while it lasted.

I started that blog after this one, only had 28 post on that blog, and got up to 307 followers. The anonymous twitter account I had to link up with the sex blog got up to 904 followers in the short time I had it. Crazy right? Sex sells. Sells people to quickly push the follow button. Intrest people more than everyday life and life situations. I felt that blog was too easy. Too easy for people to be interested. Too easy...for people to really care about the substance in my writting...therefore I lost interest.The followers of this blog follow because they want to read what I have to say on a daily..without it being "raunchy", they have a sincere interest in my words. & i love you all for that. I will occasionally mix the two blogs..but to the "playmates", this blog will never be that blog...EVER!

I'm going to start doing a " Blogger Quote of the Week" type thing. When I read other blogs some words just really stand out to me..and lately its been two bloggers...one of which I recently discovered! :) Anywho..I'm going to collect a few quotes throughout every week from different blogs..and feature just that quote on my blog! :) For starters:

"To the emerald eyes of a mystery, when will you tell me what you want from me? if we played Scrabble would you at least spell it out for me?"--- Gwen [*Her Blog*] Check her out.

I love ALL of my followers. Thanks for even taking the time to look at the contents of my blog!... Toodles!

10 to 1

Remember, the 10 to 1 is basically writing down the 10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are :)


1. To the young man with the game of a thousand players, the one who murdered my heart, you may keep it's remains. I no longer have the will to love someone with all of my "heart", but with all of my soul. If you get a bad [broken] heart, the doctors can fix or replace it...but a soul they can not. When you miss me...try to place the pieces back together and remember what you had. But when i miss you...I'll remember that you have the remains, that now I am heartless.
 
2. To the chaser who tried with all of his being to steal my heart that had already been stolen, I'm sorry. Sorry that I led you on..Sorry that I hurt you, constantly. Sorry that I played with your emotions for my own satisfaction I loved you at one point...." I tried to love you, tried to love you but I can't. I was wrong about you, wrong about you.understand...how i need to love you need to love you..but I can't."
 
3. To the laughing spirit who looks over me...I miss you. I speak with you everyday, but still i miss you. I need you to hug me, i need you to kiss me, i need you to reassure me on a daily that things will be okay. Come take my tears away.
 
4. To the woman with the metal exterior. I love you...i need you, please never leave me. The days that i want to walk away from you I remember you made me who I am.. & if you werent available...I dont know if I'd be able to cope!
 
5.To the pair with enough "crazy" between you two to fill a pyschiatric hospital, Even though I hardly say it...i love you. You both have gotten me threw some of my roughest times. Even when you didnt know my pain existed , you helped more than you'll ever know. Ever. They dont get any better than you! :)
 
6.To the bitch...the bitch turned hoe. How I have so much disgust building up for you. So many things I'd love to say to you but I am trying to keep the peace. Stop being so fake..and tell me how you really feel..so that we no longer have to communicate.
 
7. To the man of many wise words, you taught me to follow my dreams; taught me never to let anyone stop me from doing what i want. You have always supported me in every situation, take care of yourself.You were a father to me when mine went missing, I love you.  & i dont want to have to say goodbye anytime soon. My heart couldnt take it!
 
8. To the girl who over-analyzes everything, full of beautiful dreams, and the only person i can truly be myself with...Thank you for helping me grow up. Finally.
 
9. To the eyes peering in my soul, reading my deepest desires, fears, and aspirations...I need you.
 
10.To...the other form of giver...I desserted you for a while...and now I am back. I've asked for forgiveness and i promise i will do everything in my power to rebuild that old relationship. Everything...just guide me and be with me. Please?
 
Sincerly,
the mind of the dreamer with the corrupt heart, dying to be pryed open.

I'm just so tired.

Yo.
Me & her relationship....remains rocky.
& somethings I try soo hard to hold in but I am unable!

All to familiar yelling.

A few punches to the face.

Tears stream from my eyes.

Shock on your face.

You want to know why tears are rollng down my face?

You want to know why I'm crying this time...

What makes this time different from all the others?

Psychically...I feel nothing. Repeatedly

But mentally?...I'm breaking down.

Does it make you feel better when you hit me?

Does it set all of your anger free?

What pushes you to think...that I am a punching bag?

What drives you to feel relief after you bruise me?

How much damage have I done to deserve this?

....& when will it end?

Because frankly...I'm tired.

Bruised face...swollen eyes,

But I tell myself that it will be okay.

It usually is.

Where else would the anger go if not to me?

Who would have to recieve it if not me?

But this time, I am tired.

Tired of the threats,

....the mood swings

....the bruises

Tired that you never apologize.

You think it's okay.

You think because you are my shelter...

that you've purchased this punching bag.

But today, I'm just so tired Mama.

Too Tired.

Random: Love?

Yo.
I always discuss how I hate the way guys come to me; trying to converse with me. How it’s unacceptable...and unwanted! The same "type" of guys...the same tired lines. So now I unknowingly walk around looking extra "stuck-up" so that they won’t even attempt to hold a conversation. I've become unapproachable. & for the time being it is fine. But what about when I DO have time for dealing with a relationship and every up and down that comes with it? What about when I think that I have gotten myself together...to be with a man... Will I be able to show them at first glance that I really am a cool down to earth young woman? Will I be able to ever open up to him if he does come in my life....or will I hold on to past failed relations and assume that the next one won’t go any better...like I usually do? Will I sabotage myself...will I be willing to be there for him, and not just have him there for me? Will I be able to show him love? Will I be too scared? Too scared to be hurt again? Will he be scared that I will hurt him? Will he be willing to be with me...fuckups and all? Will I be with him through the same? Will this one last?...

What about when I think I am ready....Will I be truly ready?

"I am ready for love

All of the joy and the pain

And all the time that it takes

Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking

Maybe you're not ready for me

Maybe you think I need to learn maturity

They say watch what you ask for

Cause you might receive

But if you ask me tomorrow

I'll say the same thing "

-- India.Arie

Toodles.

I'm too vulgar....in MY blog?

Yo.

Today I recieved an e-mail from some random e-mail address. Telling me how enjoyable my blog was but asking why I cursed so much..why I felt the need to be vulgar to get my point across.

When  I first started my blog I censored myself so much because I thought only about my audience. ALL of my audience. I thought about how some people may be offended if I cursed too much..or if I mentioned the gritty details on sex..! So, I toned it all down. Then I got tired of censoring myself.I started this blog so that I would have somewhere to vent, somewhere to discuss what runs thru my mind on a daily--- non sugar-coated. Meaning, No fake bullshit. For my older audience I apologize for my vulgarness. I do respect my elders...I don't like older people looking at me thinking I'm just your average disrectful young woman. Mother taught me better. I was at an associates house today and I saw how he cursed sooo much in front of his parents and his grandparents. Something I just couldn't wrap my mind around. As soon as I'm in someone's presence who has 10 years or more on me I turn my vulgar-ness off...not to be fake, but out of respect. However in my blog??....I will not do that. My cursing isnt intentionally to bother anyone...these are my thoughts in rare form. No editing. I just felt I needed to address that to those who might judge me because " I curse too much". Understand, I respect EVERYone who takes the time to read my thoughts..but here, in my blog...I will not change anything. It is like asking me to change the contents in my diary...Why would I?

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:

Yo.
I've been reading all of these websites trying to figure out how to work HTML. I want to make my own layout, not just manipulate the one I have to deal with! *sigh*....I think this is one fight I'm just probably going to have to lose...because I can't for the life of me understand it! Smh! .[Sidenote to a fellow blogger: Ro, i cant leave my thoughts and comments on your blog because of your settings :( !]



Anywho,I dont understand why some people cant catch a hint. I dont understand why some people still try. UghhClearly i dont wish to try to develop a relationship at the moment...I still have shit that I need to get together before being a pain to someone else. I dont know how many times I have to express that before they leave me alone..So,

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:
If you text me and 90% of the time I dont respond...more than likely I'd like you to lose contact. If the 10% of the time when I do respond and I am a TOTAL bitch to you...more than likely I'd like you to catch the hint to politely fuck off. If more than half of my responses read " Im not responding to that." Please catch the fucking hint.If I abruptly end our conversation everytime you feel like discussing your feelings or trying to hang...wake the hell up! Clearly, I could give a rats ass about your feelings and I'm one step from texting, "Not to be a bitch, but please reframe from texting me ever again"...but that would be the definition of a bitch right? Put your feelings aside...and move on to someone who cares..Please?

<3- Robyn

I hate that some people can't catch the hint no matter how much you ignore them.
Someone sent me a text saying that he was "done trying to cater to my ego."....I thought it was the funniest thing ever! I'm sure he wasnt joking...but If I cared all that much I wouldnt have acted in such a way where he ever felt like he needed to "cater to my ego." With people I care for I'm completly different. Caring...Nice even! For the rest...Um, catch the hint! Ok, Toodles!