...the mind of THE Corrupt Dreamer ♥

Him again...

2012-02-16T23:22:00.000-06:00

I have a fear of running out of words.

Even as I sit here now....
my mind an empty canvas.

Well, almost empty.
Besides the fact that HE is there.
He is always there.

Lately, I've been having the strangest dreams about him and I.
Dreams of a broken forever.
Those of a more realistic nature.
Last night?
Last night I dreamed about his wedding.
About me sitting on the second row, middle pew...smack dead in the center.
Crying my eyes out as his future wife walked down the aisle to greet him.

In my mind Congratulations by Vesta Williams was playing.

"Congratulations...
I thought it would have been me.
Standin’ here with you,
Congratulations...
I hope you’re happy.

‘Cause as long as I can breathe
You’ll always be the one for me."

It was all so surreal. The weird thing though....75percent of my tears were of joy. Happy that he had found someone to settle down with...someone he was willing to love properly. Even if it wasn't me.

Crazy.
I've never sat down and seriously thought about marrying him.
Not at all really....it only comes in my dreams.
My dreams are never just normal dreams when it comes to him.
It's either one extreme or the next.

Regardless, he frequents them often.

Sometimes I wish I never fell in love with him.
Just so that I wouldn't miss him so much.

I keep replaying 2 certain occasions when I wished my decision was different. Freshman year. What if I would have said yes when he asked did I want him to cut everyone else off? What if I had said yes, I only want it to be me? And what if I would have stayed...stayed when he asked me not to change colleges? Stayed and lived in this twisted fairytale he had planned out? " There will be room in my closet for you...and I'll have a drawer or something at your place." What if ....I let it all play out.

Man.
Sometimes I can't help but feel like I sabotaged this.
This...tale of love.
All because I was damaged.

Am I damaged now?
Am I doing the same thing to the new guy?
Probably.
Definitely.
But I can't help that I stay on past loves for SO long.
Especially this time.
Because whatever we have hasn't really ended.
Maybe it needs to.

I'm happy with this.
BUT still, I dream of more.
Wanna be here, in his life...
but still, I DREAM of more.

I love him...
Infatuated even.
Obsessed...
and addicted.

I want him here...
I need him here.
More than anything I wish I had done things differently.
Maybe my dreams would be closer to coming true.

The importance of titles...

2012-02-08T16:58:00.000-06:00

Yo.

So what's on the menu for today's discussion?
What's on my mind?
Titles.
As in titles for relationships.

So....
How important are titles?

For me? They are extremely important. I put titles on everything, and everyone. Seriously. My best friend asked why I always had to label everything...she said it was one of my problems. And I agree..completely. That doesn't mean that it will change though.

To me, titles are everything.
Excuse me but I just don't get being involved in something, having EVERY relationship privilege...with absolutely no title. What is the point of that? Have you just gotten too comfortable in the space that you are that it would be pointless to be IN A relationship? Instead you rather be with someone who you spend all your free time with, going out, hanging out, fucking, even loving....but don't want to be IN a relationship? Ladies, that's bullshit. I know that most of you want to be...but the guy is usually the problem.You're too busy tip-toeing around what he feels, what he thinks,and what he wants. What about what you want? What you need?

Ladies, why are we constantly selling ourselves short?
And yes, I said we.

I am not above the title-less love position.
From previous post, you can obviously tell that I've been there, done that.
BUT, I wasn't offering everything I would as a girlfriend.
Never have, never will.
But too many times I've gotten awfully close.
Wanting to be ALL in.
To cook, to "trick" on him, to go that extra mile everyday to remind him that I love him.
Yea, things that I've never really done for anyone.
But I wanted to for him....
and then I reminded myself, I am not the girlfriend.
Don't make yourself so readily available like you are the girlfriend.
As someones girlfriend, it's a completely different game for me.
As a girlfriend, my behavior will change, for the better.

If I'm not good enough to ever make it to girlfriend, there are some experiences you just won't ever get to sample. And it means that you never really deserved them anyway.

Really sit back and examine your situation. Are you in a title-less love? Do you like it being title-less? How long has it been? Why don't you have a title? Why are you not good enough?

For me, in my situation...I asked.
I asked him about why when he was here why was I never considered for girlfriend.
His answer?
" I knew I was moving. And I'm not good with distance."
Simple enough. Bullshit answer if you ask me.
He wasn't ready for a girlfriend, for so many obvious reasons.
Period. I didn't trip about it.
It is what it is.
I never gave all the girlfriend privileges anyway...it's never been like that with us.
So IN my head, my situation is different.

Why would you agree to hide something that you've put so much work into? Why really agree to giving all the privileges? What's to offer when it's time to go further? What would really change? If your doing relationship shit and getting relationship benefits...what is keeping you from getting/giving the title?

Someone please explain it to me? Girlfriend is not wife.
Why not give it a go? Try something new....
Because if both parties were really feeling each other as much as they think, they would be there.
Someone is being deceived.
Male or female...someone has the upper hand.
Don't settle for someone wanting to be a hoe...
why the fuck are they fucking with your heart then?
Or they might be scared? But to me...that isn't a valid excuse.
Sometimes it's worth it...sometimes going with the flow is what's best...
But...still I say, Move on.
Most situations as such end in a very ugly manner.
And someone is always left heartbroken...just don't let it be you.

Can I tell you something?...

2012-02-07T18:56:00.001-06:00

Today, I'm doing a 10-1. Things have changed since my first one....

Remember, the 10 to 1 is basically writing down the 10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are :)

To the woman that my prayers have always been reserved for:
Quick tempers.
Sugarless words.
~~Frequent fists.~~
Replaying in my new found years of maturity. Years of understanding. Perfection was expected; nothing less accepted. Love disguised by a desire to breed the best. For then, for now, for the future...thank you, I needed it, all.

To my title-less love, the man of my frequently subconscious desires:
part of me hopes this lasts forever.
~~Beyond~~ forever.
This? This romance, this friendship...this bond.
You frequent my dreams and I allow those images to take control.
Even if no one else ever understands, my love is with you for this lifetime. My lifetime. Your lifetime. Remember through it all, you got me.

To the creator of all souls, the father of all minds:
I need you.
I always have.
I tend to lose sight of what is important to me...sometimes all I have is you.
All my darkest confessions lye with you.
Please help me to overcome the things I can't seem to shake. Keep me guided in the right direction...and if I start to stray please reach down and remind me where I'm headed.

To the new man, slowly trying to tip-toe into my heart:
Be careful. I am broken, handle me with care.
Be patient for those times that I forget that someone loves me.
Fight harder in those times when I will push you away.
Communicate and trust me. I am stronger than I appear.
& remember: I no longer believe in fairy tales.

To the one before the last,"something to do when there's nothing to do"... Number 10 if you will:
I hope you knew what it was when we started.
I hope you knew that I was only interested in one thing...and for your sake I hope you were too.
It wasn't what I'm used to, no where near it. So I'm over it. You had your one shot... and my thoughts?
On to the next...

To the past, the one's who never made it:
It takes a certain type of person to deal with me.
You didn't measure up.
Or maybe it was I~~..I who didn't measure up.~~
It's not your fault...it never was.
I'm sorry.
Part of me wishes, the smallest part---that something would have worked. That maybe I wouldn't be so scarred,...so close to heartless.

To the neglected spirit of my genes:
I have been acting as if you never existed.
I used to speak to you everyday when you first left me,
Correction: When you first came back in my life for eternity.
Somewhere between this hell and heaven, my words got lost.
Maybe I'm ashamed to still be in the same place...
I love you. & I know these genes weren't passed on to become nothing.
Next time I speak with you, I will be doing better. No excuses.

To the one soul that may possess the most faith in me:
My personal little angel.
Thank you for always being here...even when my emotions surpass alone.
Thank you for having my back when the world turned theirs.
Thank you for loving me, unconditionally.
& Thank you most for encouraging me to be better, better than anyone expected. With my heart, mind,and soul...I love you.

To the one who I am supposed to confide to:
Sometimes, I don't want to talk about serious issues.
Too worried that I'm being judged for certain situations.
And I know...I know I shouldn't feel like it.
I know I should just rant and ramble my life away..
that is what your here for. But sometimes...~~I just don't want to.~~
Sometimes I rather write, write where I can't be judged

To the root of it all, the over-analyzer... the corrupt dreamer:
We've come along way.
I've watched as we've grown from naive little girl, to a beautiful knowledge-seeking young lady.
The things that were once important to you, have been replaced by real issues.
The things that you never understood are suddenly becoming clear as day. We have a long journey, this is only the beginning. Continue to grow. When we look back on it all, hopefully our dreams will have finally become reality. And I'll look at you with my best smile and nod " You go girl."

Sincerely,

The mind of the dreamer with the corrupt heart, who has finally been pry-ed open

Love, move over...

2012-02-06T14:26:00.000-06:00

I'm convinved that I worry too much about love.

Much like most people, failure/rejection is my biggest fear.
In every sense of the word.

I fear that maybe I won't find my "one".
I fear being alone at the end of forever.
I fear not having someone to grow old with...
I fear never becoming someone's wife.

I think too much about it all.
Too much about who forever will really mean forever with.

I should be focused more on taking steps towards my career.
Getting internships, traveling, freelance writing to get my words seen...
But most times?
Love consumes me.

Love is first in my life.
Forever has been, probably forever will be.
I hate being a hopeless romantic.
Hate it with a passion.

Even when it may appear that I'm "alone", I'm loving someone...
Loving someone, somewhere..with my all.

I have too many goals for love to be number one.
There will forever be time for love...
but opportunities, career-wise?
Come and then in the blink of an eye, you've missed your big chance.

Let's rearrange my priorities:
1.Build a better relationship with God.
2. Focus more on graduating.
3. Slowly begin to tip-toe into the writing feild.
4. Figure out where you need to be to best accomplish what you want. {State/City}
5. Build a better foundation for yourself. {Support system}
6. Figure out what exactly you want in this man of my future "forever".
7. Take it slow, live your life...
8. When the correct love shows up, don't push it away. Be accepting; be open for change.

Now, if only love would just take a hike for a while.
Wishful thinking.

Some of us are just vain...

2012-02-03T17:23:00.000-06:00

Yo.

A guy made a statement.

A dumb ass statement if you ask me. Stating that girls who take a lot of pictures and post them to social networks are clearly insecure.

I wanted to hear why he felt that way. It turned into a debate.

They are social networks. Facebook in particular. Is it not for sharing pictures? Sharing opinions? Socializing?

I rather someone call me a shallow bitch than insecure…especially for a dumb reason.

I’m vain. & Yes, I like looking at myself.

I LOVE taking pictures, and occasionally I like sharing them.

Never to get approval from anyone.

Never in search of comments/reblogs.

Smh at the ignorance in his statement.

At the end of every day, the only opinion that matters on that subject is my own.

I’m bomb, and I KNOW this.

{P.S- I’m sick as fuck…the reason for the cough drop.}

Muah.

In my moments of craziness...

2012-01-30T18:36:00.000-06:00

Yo.

Ok, so my last post?
Just me...in the heat of the moment.
Pretty in my feelings, clearly.
Lol.

I thought it over.
And I realized something.
The only opinion that matters in the situation is my own.
What I think.

I know that whatever is going on doesn't need a definition at the moment.
I'm doing my thing...and he's doing his.
AND I'm actually really happy with where I am right now.
REALLY happy.
I like whatever is going on.
And I will continue to root him on in all his endeavors.
Continue to wish for his success.
Continue to pry in his business.
Continue to be here for him.
Continue to be Robyn with him.

Through tragedy and all.

Hold the fuck up...am I the bottom bitch?

2012-01-27T17:48:00.000-06:00

Yo.

My mind is so disheveled right now.
I just read an article over at BLACK GIRLS ARE EASY. ...titled Stop Being The Bottom Bitch.
It's probably one of the realest articles I've read in a long ass time.
Any who, it left me questioning my position with the lover.

Am I his bottom bitch?
....Or one of them?

I love that boy...with my soul.
And I always just think that no one understands what it is that we have.
That even without a title, I know that it's real.

Even though he's forever away, I'll be here with him forever.
Through tragedy and all.

And I see no problem with that.
Well, I didn't. Until I read the article.

In my mind, I'd like to think that whatever we have is just complicated.
"More of friends, but the best of lovers."

Never been the girlfriend.
Never met his mother.
Never been out on "dates".

And it didn't bother me. Until I found out he was leaving, moving to Portland. I guess none of that really mattered.
It was too late, I was already completely in love with him.

I expressed my concerns about the title, the meeting of his mother...all after he had moved away.

But I feel like I must explain something.
This started on a different level.
Different than what I even wanted it to be.
I NEVER wanted to be girlfriend before.
NEVER gave a shit about meeting anyone..and going out on dates.
Because, well because I guess that when I got involved with him, that's not what I signed up for. It's not what I even wanted.

He was serious with me before I ever dreamed about being serious with him.

What is it that we have?
I can not answer that question.
I know that he wants me to be here with him...and I know that I want nothing more than to see him succeed.

But I'm not one of those girls who secretly wishes to marry him.
Who secretly thinks that I'll be wifey.
No, never.

BUT one day, since I'm being honest with myself, I do want that opportunity to be girlfriend. Just to test the waters. I know I'm more than qualified.

I'd like to believe that what we have is different. That there is absolutely no way that I am his bottom bitch. Just a bomb ass friend who wants the best for him...even if it never truly involves me. BUT...what if I am? What if I'm the girl that would never seriously be considered for girlfriend. What if I'm the girl that he just fucks when it's convenient...tells whatever to just to keep around?

I can't be that stupid bitch.
I can't be playing that role unknowingly...can I?
Fuck man.

Now I need to talk to him again.
But really, what is there to say?

No.
I'm not the bottom bitch.
I can't be.
I'm too fuckin fly to ever play a role like that.

I know that there is shit that Robyn doesn't stand for. He knows I'm not with the bullshit. Not the naive bitch buying him shit, not the one getting mad because he's fucking other bitches...just the one that loves him unconditionally. And the only strings attached are those to my heart. Those that will root him on towards his goals. Those who want nothing more than for him to be a success...as much as I want it for myself.

I'm someone that titles are important to, but with this...I don't know what it is.
I'm just going with the flow...and for now I'm content with it.
But if time goes on and I realize that I have been playing the "bottom bitch",
Mannn all hell will break loose. And I will only be able to blame myself.

But I know that we're more than that.
Well, I hope...

-Robyn Latice

No thanks, I'll pass on being the "skinny" bitch...

2012-01-26T14:26:00.002-06:00

Yo.

Sooooo.....

I'm on a diet.
The HCG diet to be exact.
I've lost a total of 19 lbs in 23 days.
(Really I lost more, but I cheated and it came back...*shrugs*)

This is the day before I began the diet:

{When I finish the diet, I will post a picture in the same outfit...just to show the progress}
{Ohh....& I have box braids right now, I was obsessed with them so I gave them a go. I love them}
This diet is a very strict diet, but the results are phenomenal...google it for those who are interested.

Any who, since being on this diet....the comments I've gotten. Smh.

People must think I'm one of those "big girls" who secretly want nothing more than this world to be skinny. And that couldn't be further from the truth.

Just because I am on a diet, does not mean I crave to be skinny.
I love my shape right now...my curves.
Why am I on a diet if I LOVE my shape?...
Simple.
I know that I have problem areas.
My arms, stomach/back area. They could use a little shrinkage, and this diet targets problem areas as such.

I don't want to lose a person.
I'm not trying to get back down to a size 3/6/8.
Shit, I haven't been a size 3 since 6th grade.
And looking back on old pictures, I hate the skinny Robyn.
My head is too big for my body to be so little.
No thanks.

To tell the truth, I'm quite sad that my pants are starting to sag off of me.
Means I'm losing some of my ass...and my big pretty ass thighs.
The things I love.
I like that my pant size is 14/15.
I never want it to be under a size 10. EVER.

& last time my ass was a size 10, I was in 8th grade...
I love my adult body.
People don't know how much fun curves can be.

I'm tired of the slick comments on if you were truly happy with yourself you wouldn't be on a diet.
Smh. Child please, I know that I'm sexy when my clothes are off.
My body is evenly proportioned.
Waist dips in to create that hour glass illusion. Yea, I know I'm bomb.
I spend too much time in the mirror admiring myself.
BUT, why not make it better.
If I can have a big ass, flat stomach, big tits, fit arms....why not have that bomb ass body?

And I hate when people see you losing weight and make a huge deal about it. Telling you how good your going to look when your down to so-and-so's size. Smh, who the fuck said I wanted to be petite? If I lose more than 30 lbs on this diet, I'm quiting. Period.

I'll continue to work on what needs to be toned through exercise, but numbers don't matter to me.
Curves are included in my definition of beauty for myself.
And they forever will be.

At the end of every day I love myself, regardless. Big ass and all.

-Robyn Latice

Maybe HE taught me for someone else...

2012-01-23T18:41:00.003-06:00

A peek inside my personal journal:

January 15, 2012:

I want to call.

Call to almost…ask permission.

Ask permission to be involved fully in someone else.

I want him to hear it from me.

I want him to know that even through this…

I love him, forever.

That I love him more than any and every one….that if I had the option to chose,

it would always be him.

ALWAYS.

BUT for now…right now, I must move on.

I can no longer sacrafice my happiness for what might turn out to be just another dream. Another fantasy, a figment of my imagination.

January 21,2012:

WE finally talked.

Talked about the new guy and him wanting a relationship.

I asked his advice,

I felt as if I needed his permission to begin anew.

The lover said that I should give the new guy, Gregory, a try.

He gave me permission.

The permission that I was seeking.

And shortly after, I had a breakdown.

A breakdown because I know that my heart only beats for him.

That the only thing I’ve ever craved…is him.

And that starting this new thing…might drive me insane.

What if it actually works with this new guy?

What if it actually lasts?

Where will that leave the lover?

When will I have my time with him?

Confession.

I’m scared.

Scared that I’m just going to fuck things up in this new relationship.

Scared to fall in love.

Scared shitless.

Scared to…what feels like, leave the lover…

Scared to let go of my dreams of him. Of us.

I feel stupid.

More so than you could even begin to imagine.

Why am I letting whatever we have…possibly affect my present?

Why am I scared to just live in the moment?

Oh yea, because it’s my heart we’re playing with now.

Tugging at its strings, testing it in every way.

I’m probably failing.

ANd I dont know how to fix it.

BUT he gave me permission.

I wonder how he feels about it, is he really ok with it.

I guess he has to be, he isn’t here with me.

Maybe I shouldn’t go into this with so much baggage.

Hidden baggage.

Because in the end it will all come out.

Explode in my face like it usually does.

But I can’t run from it…and no longer will I let it affect my NOW.

So…welcome the new guy.

But the most potent part of my heart will always be saved for the lover.

Through tragedy and all.

-Robyn Latice

I'm back....again. (But forreal this time)

2012-01-23T18:29:00.000-06:00

Yo.

So, If your here you probably notice the new changes. I've finally gotten the time to change my blog. And why exactly? Because I actually plan on blogging on it again.

I have a lot to say. And blogging is like an online journal. Helping me keep track of my progress through life.

Any who...hello to the followers who are actually still blogging...and those who come to check on me occasionally.

What's going on now?
School has started for the semester.

I'm SO over school. And my slacking has bought me another year, I would be graduating in May if I stayed on my shit. *shrugs*...I will be out of here soon enough though.

I need to find a job. I have a lot of bad habits that need to be supported. Smoking, drinking, weave, hair colors, shoes, and clothing....!I'm in my "finding my style" phase of my life...and I have SOOO much that I want to try. This should be fun.
Oh.....& there is someone new in my life too!

Finally.
His name?
For the sake of my personal creepers we'll call him....Gregory. (I think that's his middle name)
And the lover that moved to Portland, we'll refer to him as Xavier.
As not to get the two confused.

So the new guy?
He's pretty cool.
Funny as fuck, handsome, older (25), can hold a bomb ass conversation, entertains the fuck out of me,....ohhh and he's nasty. Filthy really. All positive things.
He asked me to be his girl.

I haven't been in a relationship since the ex. Yes, the ex I used to discuss when I first started this blog in 09. SO, it's been a while. BUT, I actually wouldn't mind getting into this. We've only talked for about a month....but we vibe so well together. He's a Cancer. My last two serious loves were Cancers (like myself)....I swear those make the craziest relationships. I had sworn off of male Cancers...but for some reason they seem to be the only ones to "catch me". Everything feels so good with him...

Problem though.
I miss the lover, incredibly.
Miss him more than I could ever begin to express.

Man.
So much that subconsciously I'm sabotaging what could be with the next.
I guess the details on that situation can be saved for a separate post though.

Man, I have so much to discuss.
Happy to be back on blogger, Tumblr lacks substance. (But it it addicting as fuck.)
Feel free to follow me there too. Links on the sidebar somewhere.

Even when no one is reading, this blog will forever be my favorite.

-Muah

So you want to be a house nigger?...

2012-01-02T18:04:00.000-06:00

Yo.

I’m so sick of hearing this light skin vs. dark skin debate amongst my fellow African-Americans. I hate hearing that dark-skin is ugly, I hate hearing that light-skin equals beauty. I hate hearing so much hate amongst one race…and for our fellow people? Really…why are we here? Have we not evolved?…

But most importantly, I hate hearing dark-skinned people who curse God for making them dark. Who has tricked them into thinking that being dark-skinned is a bad thing? Who has warped their mind into thinking that it isn’t beautiful?

The sad thing is…I know the answer to that question. Unfortunately it’s usually family members, fellow black associates/classmates/co-workers, and maybe even the media.

It hurts me to see so many people hung up on the issue of skin tone…especially amongst my own race. To hear about the little girls who cry everyday, whose only dream in the world is to be a couple of shades lighter. Because they have been tricked into thinking that that is the only way that they will ever be beautiful. It hurts my heart. Racism inside of a race is what this is.

How dare anyone think that they are more beautiful than the next because of a skin color. How dare another black person look down on the next black person for being a shade or two darker. Or lighter. I know enough dark-skinned people who despise light-skin. Despise it because they say “they think they’re better.” But really…how simple is this debate. How simple-minded of our race to be stuck on something so miniscule.

We, as an entire race, have MUCH better things to be focused on. Racism is still very much alive…and believe that we are still very much a target. BUT here we are making time to add to it. So now the mistreatment doesn’t stem from whether your black…but how black you are? If your a house nigger or a yard nigger huh? Are we really running backwards?

Wake up people. There is so much more to focus on in the world. The common goal should be to end racism as a whole…not add to it. Dark skin, light skin, brown skin…we are all beautiful. Please remember that.

Toodles!

Addicted. Just another nympho freak.

2011-12-10T21:23:00.001-06:00

Yo.

I want you to understand how hard this is for me.
How hard it is...going without it.

Me?
I'm addicted to orgasms.
Addicted to the rush of energy through my body.
The release of all the tension of my day.
Addicted to the sense of calmness it brings me.

~~Pause.~~
Maybe you're wondering why I didn't say that I was just addicted to sex.
Maybe you think I mean sex.

No.
I mean I am fully addicted to orgasms.

See me...I've never cum during sex.
I've never had an orgasm from intercourse.
Never.

And as much as I LOVE sex, I can go without.
Orgasms...I cannot.

I have to have at least one a day.
But I usually have two.
Self pleasure is a necessity for me.

I've gone through extreme lengths just to...cum.
Even when I'm getting dicked down on a regular, I still have to assist myself daily.

So in a sense, I'm addicted to masturbating.
Because I'm the only one who knows how to make me squirt.
How to make it trickle slowly from my sugar walls.

I can do it in 2 minutes,
or serenade myself for hours.

But self-pleasure only makes me crave sex more.
Crave to be filled in ways only another could do.
No plastic.
I want to feel the throbbing inside of me.
Want him to be able to feel me when I clench my walls around it,
Hear him telling me how good it feels.
Wrapping my mouth around the warm beautiful brown skin...
feeling it pulsate as it builds up...
Knowing that I'm working for his nutt.
Knowing that this pussy has him addicted.
All things that a plastic dick cannot do for me.

I have a problem.
I'm addicted to orgasms.
Orgasms brought by myself.
And orgasms make me feind for sex.

Maybe I'm just a nympho...who isn't getting enough.

Counting down the days...

2011-12-09T11:05:00.001-06:00

Yo.
I'm not really sure when EXACTLY he's coming home.
But I know that it's soon.
Soon, and I cannot wait to see his face.

I adore him, in every sense of the word.
I'm sure he won't really agree with my decision, but it's better than nothing. I'm ready for these fantasies to be taken care of. To begin this plutonic friendship after the fun is over.
It's crazy.
He's been the only dick in me for almost the past 3 years.
Last one besides him was the ex.
Valentines day 2009.
Since then, it's only been him.

Maybe that's why I don't really care to branch out.
Find replacement dick.
Because I'm completely satisfied with him.

Unless I can get a guarantee that the next will do it like him,or better...I don't want it.
I don't even want to try.

But there is absolutely no way in hell that I will limit myself to dick only when he visits.
That would mean that I would be celibate for majority of the year...with maybe 2 visits from him.

Fuck no, right now that sounds insane.
But it only SOUNDS insane.

I've gone without it for the last 5 months.
Waiting...for him to come back. Isn't that crazy?

I've needed it.
NEEDed it.
& I don't just want to go out and find random dick.
Nor do I really want a relationship or to be in love with anyone else.
The problem. I only want him, so the option of someone else has become non-existent.

But my sex drive is too high for me to continue doing this.
Because if I had the option to fuck him EVERYday I would.
Every morning.
Every night.
Surprise mid-day sex.
Smh, I wish I could go back to a time when all of that was an option.
We'd bang like rabbits.

When he gets here, I need to have all of my fantasies in order. I only want him to fulfill them. And if this is going to be the last few times, then I need to make it count.

Counting down the days...
The hours, the minutes, ...the seconds.

All I can seem to write about is him...

2011-11-27T20:38:00.000-06:00

Yo. Just another love poem.

Loves Limit:

Baby...
I...have a confession,
I love you.
Not just that regular fly by night type love...
Naw.
That, baby I love you with my soul type love.
That, baby I love you only when I ...breathe type love.
That, I dream about you every night when I sleep type love.
Yea...baby, I'm in love with you.

I wanna show you new depths of passion, be the only one you need when you dream of love. On some L.L type shit, yea I'm in need of love.

Not that, only know me when you feel you need it type love.
Not that, every single day I fuckin' hate you type love.
Not that motivated by lust, riddled with lies type love.
Naw baby...Naw.
But that, you could be my personal supply of happiness type love.
Yea, baby...I love you.

I need you to teach me all the secrets that you need in love, help me pave the way to suceed to love.

Not that, only said it to get what I need type love.
But that, planning out our future only wanna be with you type love.
That, kiss you all night while you sleep type love.
That, remind you everyday that you're all I...breathe type love.
Yea...baby, I'm completley IN love with you.

All I want is to know that we'll make it in love. All I need is to reach the impossible through love.

Not that, insecure mediocre I love you because you love me type love.
Not that, selfish ass all about me me me type love.
But that, becoming a better me to work towards US type love.
That...If I can't have forever with you, I don't want forever type love.
Yea...that type of love.

Loves Limit,higher than anything one could achieve in love.
Float away with me...to be in love.
There, we'll live happily...all we need is love.

AND, just incase you don't know by now...Baby, I LOVE you.

-Robyn

Excuse me, I'm just venting...

2011-11-08T23:25:00.001-06:00

Yo.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

One minute I love him, and want nothing more than to have him in my life...no matter the circumstances. But the next minute?...The next minute I hate him. Hate him to his fuckin core.

Really....I should probably talk to him. But I'm tired of expressing emotions. The more emotions I reveal the crazier I become.

Sometimes I convince myself that I can wait. That I can still be regular with him while he's away. While he's away playing his games. "Finding his self", Kicking it with the boys, Fucking hoes...and possibly falling in love again. With someone that isn't me. Someone irrelevant.

I can deal with the hoes. But the love? The person that has his attention there?....is getting to me.

And through it all, I seem like one of those weak ass bitches that I lose respect for. Waiting on something, that might turn out to be nothing. Someone who is with everyone. Telling myself that I just need to branch out. Find a distraction, a distraction like he started as. Find temporary replacement dick...but dick isn't what's keeping me engrossed with this man. & to find a replacement for love?...not something I want to do. Nor am I sure that its even possible at this point.

I love him. With my soul.
Unconditionally.

I hate that he's away. I hate that he left. These few months have felt like a lifetime...how am I supposed to get through this for years and years?

Why the fuck am I waiting?

...especially when I know that this shit will end tragically. But still, in all my logic...hope remains. Hope that he won't make me regret loving him at the end of this.

I'm mad at myself for being here, because I know what I want. I want to be the spotlight. The girlfriend. Even if he's forever away.

I need to leave, but I desperately want to stay.

Smh, silly me. I hate falling in love. Fuck you Cupid.

Letter to MY {Love}-r:

2011-08-16T23:36:00.001-05:00

My tragically gorgeous,

My how things have changed. I remember when we first met. How I didn't really want to be there. I remember my first thoughts."Who the hell flirts by asking if I'm horny because I'm twirling my hair?"...but if you would've asked me back then where I saw us, if I saw an us....'Never' would easily have parted my lips. But somehow you made your way into my bed, inside of me. Made me forget my pain in life. I guess you were my pain killer. When you slipped inside of me...nothing mattered. Life issues disappeared. When you whispered in my ear, all attention was on you. All I felt was pleasure.

I remember wanting you often. Just to take my mind off of things. How selfish I was. Only thinking of me.

I remember that I didn't want you to love me. I didn't want you to be hurt by the monster that lives inside of me. And even if you thought I never took your feelings in consideration, they were always on my mind. Understand ...that at the time I thought it was best to push you away. I thought you'd do better in someone else's life. I didn't need to be loved...because ultimately I knew I would just hurt you. & that was never my goal.

Remember when you told me you loved me. I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that you knew what you were saying...that you didn't KNOW me. So I refused to get caught up in what I thought was just words.

I remember when I walked into Arkansas Hall and saw you with another girl. Looking like you were escorting her from your room. The sharp sting I felt. Remember telling myself to shake it off....not to look phased. It's when I realized that I more than just liked you. More than just wanted to feel you inside of me.
Remember that you came to my room. Pacing. To apologize. How cute I thought it was. Sweet that I meant that much.

But still, I remained a bitch. An asshole. For protection. I didn't have any more pieces of my heart that could risk getting broken. And for that I apologize.(You were always better than him. Even when I couldn't see.)
I still think that night that you came to my room with the 3 movies you rented for us randomly....was the sweetest thing tht anyone has ever done for me. That night it hurt me to turn down your attempts. But, I was still in protection mode.

I didn't want to be just another number to you. I was so afraid to be hurt again, that I didn't allow you to love me. Love me like I needed.
Even when we stop communicating, you worked your way back into my life. Made me realize how deep this really was...how deep this really is. And for that, I thank you. Thank you for your consistency. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to truly fall for you. Well...grow. Grow to the highest form of love I've ever experienced. And even with all of my craziness, thank you for accepting me. As Robyn. Flawed and all. Thank you for being the only person that I can be myself with, comfortably...and completely.

If I could take back my antics, I would in a heartbeat. Blind to your love the first time around...blind to your beauty. If I knew that we were on a time limit, it would've been different. But then again...I guess thats what I was afraid of. Afraid of letting you in, only for you to leave me.
Now that your gone...I need you more than ever. So many words unsaid. So many feelings unshared. Soooo many tears cried...because I don't want it to be goodbye. Not forever.

2208 miles away, and still you consume my thoughts. Holding them hostage. I could look at you all day, without you saying a word...and still be entertained. Kiss you in your sleep for an eternity. Watch you talk, listen to you laugh. Be a part of your silliness. All day every day...and I'd never get bored.

And our sex? It can get no better. The way my body reacts to your touch. Melts from your kisses. Responds to your thrust. Craves for your words. Drips from our passion.

Lover, lover...please stay with me for a lifetime. Stay with my heart, make your home in my soul. I promise never to let you go. Promise for a lifetime. I love you more than all words could express, and know that OUR forever isn't up yet...

I know....I need to get out of my damn feelings!

2011-08-11T01:48:00.001-05:00

Yo.

Lately I've been all in my damn feelings. When I can find a way not to be I swear I will start blogging about regular shit again. Smh. Sooo, the person I talked about in my last two post...he's leaving. Moving away. To Portland. Agggeess away from Arkansas. And I? I am hella sad about this. HELLA!

Me and that boy...we've had too many feelings experienced in these past few years. Mannnn. For some reason it feels like goodbye to me. I can't help but thinking what if this is the last time I see him. The last memories we'll ever have. It's fucking me up. Mentally. I'm destroyed. Just when I am IN love with him...with everything about him. When I've learned to accept the things that I can not and would never change. When I felt myself wanting to be his, more than the world. He's leaving. Damn.

Buttt...he's leaving to do better. Do better than Arkansas. And I want nothing more than to see him suceed. To see him reach his dreams...his goals, whether that be with or without me. I know that he can do it...if he stays focused on what he wants. I know that he can. And I hope that he does.

But I can't help tht my heart is selfish. That she wants him to stay here...stay close, to love me. To love me with the best of his ability. To see his face on a regular....to touch his body. To have his pleasure. The bliss that I feel when I'm in his presence. I want that. He's supposed to be my lover for a lifetime. Our lifetime isn't up. And i need my lover. Badly.

I don't really know how this is going to go when he leaves. But I hope the love doesn't deteriorate. I couldn't handle it. And this goodbye in a few days?....is going to tear me the fuck apart. I'm trying to brace myself. Trying to prep myself...not to let the tears fall. Not to let the pain show.

Fuck. I knew I shouldn't have fallen. I knew better...but his love made me lose all logic. And now I'm in too deep. Committed in my mind. I love that boy. This is not the last post about him...stay tuned. Smh.

{Muah}

No more excuses...

2011-07-22T00:03:00.001-05:00

This blog will become like a diary to me. I'm back on this everyday type shit...just because I have the app on my phone now. :) ! I miss blogging dearly. It kept me current on my writing...which I need!

Oooh where the fuck are my manners?...Hello loves! I've missed you ALL dearly.

There is no way I can give an update on my life right now. No way. Especially not for the last year or so. So from this point foward I will do my best to keep things pretty current. I have too much to talk about...and I never know who to turn to with my randomness. So this blog will be a tell all. Muah. I'll be back later with a real post. Toodles!

I know I've been gone, but I need you!

2011-03-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

Yo.

First, HELLO to all my lovely followers and fellow bloggers. I've missed you all, dearly. That is a complete understatement. I need to update my blog on my life for almost the past year. Shit, it's been a while. But...Second, this is not a " I'm back" post. It's more of a " I have a slight problem and I rather talk to my blog world and get advice than hear what my friends have to say" post.

I'm IN love. In love with someone I thought I'd never fall for. Not seriously anyway. But I'm here...I've fallen. Well really, I've grown. I've grown in love with him and it feels...wonderful. Grown to love him, flaws and all. Unconditionally. And that is the problem. Let me give a little background.

I met him freshman year. Met him while I was completely IN love with someone else. With the ex. It was after we had broken up, but still had all the relationship benefits. I was hurting, broken when I met him. He made an advance at me, I didn't really care for him. He wasn't my type..and like I said my mind and heart were elsewhere. We chatted, and I let him into my bedroom. Inside of me. It was the first time that I hadn't thought about the ex. So for that reason and that reason alone, I kept letting him inside. In hopes to erase my ex. Terrible reason..but true. During the whole thing I can't say that I treated him like he deserved. I was a bitch{understatement}...and still he was there for me, dealing with me. He deserved better than me at the time. During freshman year, our whole situation got extra messy. I don't have time to even go into it. But let's say other people were in the picture. Some girl loved him, while he loved me, while I loved the ex. Messy, messy situation. Since freshman year we would chat for a while and then I'd tell him I want to be friends. The last time...he said he was done with me. At the time, I found it funny. Then I started to miss him. Contacted him...same back and forth, until recently. Recently he has been back in my life. And recently I've noticed that I don't love him. That instead, I'm in love with him. & I know he loves me. Problem is...I'm not number 1. I'm not the only. And I have a problem with it. I've never settled to be second with anyone..ever. I'm always the girlfriend, not the side. Every guy I've loved in the past, I've been in a relationship with. Serious relationships, getting all of the number one privileges. And this time I'm not. Not that I want a relationship, just to be number one. Because it ~~bothers~~ hurts me to be in any other place. He's the sweetest person. He knows me, more than anyone. He's the only person I've ever been so comfortable with. Sexually, he's the best that's ever done it...and I need desperately for him to make love to me. Love to me like I'm the only. He has a beautiful heart. A heart that I want to belong to me...he already has mine. He told me that he doesn't want me out of his life. But I know him...and he can't give me what I want from him now. So right now, I want to walk away. I feel like I need to walk away. Walk away because everyday my love grows..and I know that I can't just be Number two forever. But I'm constantly reminded that he was my number two before. The difference is, he tried to out beat number 1. & I won't try. Because it would be pointless to try to compete. Not because I think she's better...but I'm sure they have more history. I guess I just need opinions. Should I walk away...or should I be there for him/with him like I want to be, even if it means the only role I play in his future is being the mistress that he's too in love with to let go? " Should I give up...or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place, should I leave it there?" Opinions are greatly welcomed. I need help, and some direction. It's all emotionally draining. Sorry to come back with all the emotional shit. But I'm lost..and I need some guidance.
Toodles!

2010-05-23T14:36:00.001-05:00

Yo.
Shortest post ever.Mobile blogging sucks ass. Home computers suck ass. Laptop crashed after last post. Been busy. Miss you all dearly. Will be back.Toodles

Blogger Quote of the Week : Keenya

2010-04-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

Yo.

"When our guys act up and we still choose to deal with them, have sex with them, cater to them, and allow them access to our heart, we aren't sending the message that we love them and down for whatever... we are sending a message that we stand for nothing and will allow anything..."--Keenya [Her Blog]

If you haven't already stopped by go ahead slide on over there now! Toodles!!

Flaw #2: Shallow Bitch

2010-04-22T01:51:00.000-05:00

Yo.

Hello, My name is Robyn and I am a shallow bitch. Yeap...shallow on too many levels. I'm the girl who looks everyone I meet from head to toe..and judge them before they even open their mouth. I'm the girl who listens to the way people pronounce their words and automatically correct every word in my head. I'm the girl who looks at someone and says " she know she/he shouldnt wear that.", or " she/he should have worn this with that." I am the girl who would never date a guy based SOLEY on his personality. I am the girl who will not go on a "date" with someone I dont find cute at the moment.[I say "at the moment" because I have looked back and thought what was I thinking?..] Point blank, I am the girl who bases too many things on apperance. And, I am working on it. I try to contol those first thoughts that come in my mind...try to judge people based on their personality instead of their looks. I have always been scared to face my insecurities and weaknesses and now that I'm trying to confront them all at the same time...I'm realizing too many things that I never knew.I'm finding myself and trying to be my definition of a better person. It's working...kinda. I don't know how to just turn off my judgement when I see people! Don't get me wrong..I am very open-minded...but when it comes to how ones apperance should be,my mind closes. And I become THAT bitch, that shallow bitch too scared to face her own insecurities, so she picks at others! I'm a work in progress...Toodles!

Phone Sex :X..blah!

2010-04-15T19:31:00.001-05:00

Yo.
So a fellow blogger,Khaki, is having a "30 Day Quest to Phone Sex" over on her blog--> [*Not All Baltimore Chicks are Stupid*]. She's attempting to perfect her lack of skills at phone sex. Swear it is hella entertaining...and if you haven’t checked her blog out...What the hell are you waiting for?

Anywho her post got me thinking on the whole phone sex thing...and how much I totally despise it! The purpose of phone sex is an alternative form of pleasure when you’re not really in that person’s presence. But for me...that shit does nothing but leave me irritated as hell. I used to participate just for the satisfaction of the guy...It used to be interesting to hear their reactions...and the shit they say to continue my "fantasy" I’m describing at the moment. I assume they all just love hearing the nasty fantasy filled words escaping my mouth. They enjoy the fake moaning, the thought that I’m actually masturbating while on the phone...I always wondered were the guys on the other side really jacking off to the sound of my voice. Well my slightly altered voice. *Softened voice, light moans building to loud moans...as if dick were really being delivered to me.*Or were they acting like me? Either way...they enjoyed it, and I'd like to think I was damn good at it. My moans alone would leave me in a state ready to...*clears throat*, ... I mean I have a way with my words that could make any freak horny....

*excerpt from the OTHER blog:*
Hello, My name is [insert alter ego name here], Ms.Extacee if you nasty. Would you like a quickie? --Excuse me, I meant would you like to fuck me senseless?...Ready?.....

Go.
[Insert the nasty beggining that I think is too raunchy for this blog]....
Let me put my pretty pussy on your face. Mmmm, yes that's right daddy [mami] , lick it like you own it. Stick that tongue in deep, flick it rapidly over my clit...and don’t forget to slightly nibble. Yes, I love that shit. Show me that you have the skills I yearn for. Make sure you grip my ass, roughly...Please. Oooooh, dig your nails into my ass....[continued with the extra raunchyness.]

& those are the cleanest line I could find on that post. Point proven?...Anywho,Back to the point!
I enjoyed phone sex the firsttime i tried it. It was a bit awkward but I wasnt the one doing all the talking, he basically just wanted to hear me moan. Interesting..but then it just got really boring for me. The constant request to have phone sex...the constant irritation I am left with & the pleasure I am left without. Why participate in something that makes me crave dick even more...just to hear the sound of someone’s voice while you’re supposedly pleasing yourself? And some have talked up some extra nasty shit [Yes, I love nasty!]...leaving me moist and ready to walk to get the dick.

I no longer participate in phone sex...If the only thing I get from it is left in an even worse horny position than I started...I just see no point. You want an alternative? How about I send a few pics...or a video? But as far as that phone sex thing, I retired a while ago...so sorry bruh, call a hotline or some other shit. What are your thoughts on phone sex? To participate or not to participate?...Ok, Toodles!

Blogger Quote of the Week : Tzitzi

2010-04-14T12:21:00.000-05:00

Yo.
I recently came across a blogger..that quickly made her way into my favorites. Her writting style.... fuckin amazing.

"Hearts are never made to be bulletproof, but they can chip like paint peeling from steel dungeons of heat."--Tzitzi [*HER BLOG*]

If you haven't checked her..gone head and go do that now! :) Toodles!

Hello, My name is Random, Bytch :x

2010-04-12T23:35:00.000-05:00

Yo.

Writers block is kicking my ass today. I’ve started 5 poems today and have yet to finish one. I was trying to get a late start on participating in poetry month...but clearly that shit just isn’t working out for me. I only write well when something is on my mind bothering me. Or giving me a feeling of complete bliss. And today neither is really going on. Today I am blank as a canvas ready to be painted on. Hmm, reminds me that I haven’t painted in a while. I keep telling myself that I want to paint a picture of my father holding me...but I just can't bring myself to do that...not now. I don’t want a tear drenched painting. I want it to be happy, joyful...and I have a beautiful effect to add to it...whenever I finish it. Well whenever I start it. I painted a total of 3 pictures of the ex. I think I’m going to discard them today...I no longer wish to look at them. They no longer mean anything to me. I should be happy about that but I'm really indifferent. It took an eternity to get over him...and now that I'm finally here...past eternity, what next? Someone new right? But what if I don’t feel like going to someone new either? The fact that I really don’t want anyone in my life right now scares me too. Scares me because I have to wonder have I given up on love so early? What happened to that love obsessed girl...the one who believed in fairytales? The one who dreamed of nothing more than possessing all the love in the world...what happened to her? I want her back.

My mind is drowning in the thoughts of sex. But giving up on celibacy feels like such a huge decision now that I've went so long. Seems like I'd regret it if I gave up just for some reliable mind blowing dick. *sigh*...Mind-blowing, back-breaking, pussy-aching...lovely dick. [Comes back from my building fantasy]...Where was I? Oh yea, celibacy. It's somewhat easy to not really act on impulse because I have to remember that I don’t want to be wanted for my pussy. If we break up and you contact me telling me how much you miss me...and my pussy?...I just don’t wanna hear it. Just miss me...my inner beauty, not how my pussy feels.

Shit, I need a nice trip to Mars. Yes...that would be lovely right now. Make a phone call and have someone deliver me some good. Lol...delivery pharmacist. But I gave that up too...I’m making so many sacrifices...they all better be worth it in the end. I'm ~~trying to be~~ a better person. Trying to grow...I'm making minimal progress. I recently started reading my bible every day. I was sitting in church wondering why I had never taken the time out to read the whole thing...I mean I read sooo many books for pleasure but haven’t even read half of the bible. A big part of that having to do with all the questions I am left with...all the stuff that I just can't and won’t believe...But that is for a completely different post. A bunch of random shit is running through my mind right now...taking a pit stop to discuss all of them would take forever. Besides...I think I feel like starting my painting now. Toodles.

He say/She say bullshit...

2010-04-11T00:33:00.002-05:00

Yo.
Because I feel I need to do a post BUT I'm being so lazy tonight...I'll post another old poem! Enjoy!

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

Walk into a room and imediatley THEY whisper.
I search the crowd for a familiar face, but i see none.
But still THEY whisper.
I continue to walk..
thinking maybe they dislike my looks...maybe.
And if thats the case, i like them..so i continue to stride with pride.
When i get close enough i hear select words.
Words to let me know, it isnt my attire their attacking.
Whispers of "I heard she fucked him"...and" Girl, i know she did him.."Knowing they cant be talking about me....KNOWING,
because i dont even know them nor the names they speak.

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

The whispers continue though,
this time i hear my name and a brief description of my life.
So i think who are these people..
..why is my name coming from their lips?
& what are these things that i did?
....When did i do them?
because I know i damn for sure dont remember him....or him.
I dont remember that or.....that
Oh.... it's ok, these people must have me confused
confused with some "hoe"..
So i take a seat and listen to all the other things
....& i think damn this "hoe" must be a porn star,
one of the best,got them talking bout her like that!
......I just wished they didn't confuse our names.

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

The looks of disgust and dissatifation are thrown my way
...I look back and say no..i have to warn them of their mistake
"Um, not being nosey..but you must have me confused with someone else...
I dont even know those people...and I have never done those things.
But the girl yall have me confused with Im sure is pretty paid..
She know all the tricks and shit, she's a pornstar right?"
They look back and laugh...I start to laugh as well at their mistake.
Laughs continue..
Then they start to respond..
"Pornstar huh?..Thats what you call yo self?..
Just cause you do what they do..dont mean u tht good."
...confused, i look back and say "No ma'am that aint me..
I havent done those things, BUT ITS OK, its a simple mistake!"

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

The laughs continue as they walk away
....So i think gosh me and tht girl must look alot alike!
I see now that its no changing their minds
....they think im her. No. They think thats me.
But how..and why?! These people dont even know me.
They heard this..and they heard that, all from their BESTfriends
so it has to be true?! or at least thats what SHE, HE...and THEY think.
But i want to prove them wrong....
Dont want those lies to be me.
So everytime i hear the whispers, i come to my defense...
"No ma'am/sir that aint me"..
same reaction everytime?!
Confusion circles my brain..
why does no one believe me?
..I mean i know me best right?
I know my actions....
I know more than they do!

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and THEY believe.

But everyone thinks they know..
So everywhere i go, the whispers go as well.
"I heard she fucked him" and "Girl, i know she did him"
...and instead of wasting my breath i smile back at them
let them talk that shit!
Because no matter what I say...
THEY alway "know" more...
"know" more about me than i do?!
..i know right???...how can that be true?
but its cool just let THEM do what they do.
Because the simple-minded are starting to takeover
People that will believe whatever
...until it comes to their name.
..Until their name gets confused with someone elses
...Until their defenses dont work
....Until the whispers start to follow them.

HE say....SHE say.
THEY say.....
and yea, THEY always believe.

Stupid Facebook Drama!

2010-04-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

Yo.

I'm sure I stated this in a previous post but I'm hardly ever really on facebook anymore. I stop by regularly to accept friend request and respond to messages...but other than that I could do without the boredom of it all. Something that really bothers me on facebook is when silly females decide to have full-blown arguments over men that are supposed to be theirs. Every time I log in this one girl in particulars status ALWAYS pops up on my newsfeed. Every time it is a different status about her "boyfriend"[notice the quotation marks...they are on a "break" or whatev.] and how she is laughing at all the girls approaching her saying they talk to/fuck/love him. How he is hers and how all the girls making these "false" claims need to back off and stop hating. It always bothers me to read it and to read some of her so called "haters" response to them. Personally I think if she is fighting with a new bitch everyday about someone that is supposed to be hers she needs to let that shit go. Especially since I know the guy she is fighting over. This guy does not claim her at all. I KNOW at least 3 other girls he is fucking and he talks so badly about his "girlfriend" because she was supposedly "going" [got around] before they got together. [Side note: Yes, he is all kinds of wrong for that because he knew the deal before he started to lead her own...now everybody saying he dating a hoe and he wants to renege...naw nigga, you deal with yo shit.]

She always claims to be a "grown woman" but always takes time out of her day to address every other bitch in her not so perfect picture of life. Every status she makes sounds very childish...arguing over someone who doesn’t even claim her. People coming to her page just to tell her how stupid she is, but she has friends that support it. Her friends should step in and tell her even if she is tripping about the other bitches do not entertain the people of facebook with your life drama...or better yet to leave his ass. She recently went and got a tattoo on her neck that states his name big as day.[while on their "break", BUT he's still fucking her he just doesnt claim to even hang out with her anymore.] Smh, I understand people have to make their own mistakes to really learn but how can she not see the stupidity in the whole situation.

The situation leaves her looking silly and him being triflin' as hell. [Mind you, she is only 17.] I wish I were her "friend" or even a close enough associate to tell her to do better. Her past doesn’t define her and she doesn’t
deserve the treatment from her "boyfriend" and his bitches. She's such a pretty girl...but no matter how pretty you are it can never fill the void of the brain she lacks.*sigh* I just hope if I have a daughter one day I can raise her to be better, that she IS better. Toodles.

[-Surprise-]: Welcome, Formspring, Blogger Quote..and all that jazz

2010-04-06T14:36:00.001-05:00

Yo.

Yes, there are limits too the questions I will actually "answer" in formspring. I will always "respond" but I will not necessarily answer the question at hand. EVERYthing doesnt need to be discussed over the internet! Ok? Especially not on my personal blog.

For those who don't follow me on twitter I recently had a mini confessional tweet session. & during the tweet session i admitted having a sex blog. A sex blog that I shut down yesterday. Some of my followers from there have decided to click the link I left there and follow me here...[*whispers: Hello playmates*]. I had 4 blogs to keep every aspect of my life seperate. One is a diary..only I can access. One is a confessional blog..and the other beside this one was the sex blog.I started it to discuss all things sexual without judgement from those who read my blog from my hometown. Without everyone knowing my business...to that extent. But since I'm "celibate" I decided to let that one go. It was fun while it lasted.

I started that blog after this one, only had 28 post on that blog, and got up to 307 followers. The anonymous twitter account I had to link up with the sex blog got up to 904 followers in the short time I had it. Crazy right? Sex sells. Sells people to quickly push the follow button. Intrest people more than everyday life and life situations. I felt that blog was too easy. Too easy for people to be interested. Too easy...for people to really care about the substance in my writting...therefore I lost interest.The followers of this blog follow because they want to read what I have to say on a daily..without it being "raunchy", they have a sincere interest in my words. & i love you all for that. I will occasionally mix the two blogs..but to the "playmates", this blog will never be that blog...EVER!

I'm going to start doing a " Blogger Quote of the Week" type thing. When I read other blogs some words just really stand out to me..and lately its been two bloggers...one of which I recently discovered! :) Anywho..I'm going to collect a few quotes throughout every week from different blogs..and feature just that quote on my blog! :) For starters:

"To the emerald eyes of a mystery, when will you tell me what you want from me? if we played Scrabble would you at least spell it out for me?"--- Gwen [*Her Blog*] Check her out.

I love ALL of my followers. Thanks for even taking the time to look at the contents of my blog!... Toodles!

10 to 1

2010-04-05T14:34:00.000-05:00

Remember, the 10 to 1 is basically writing down the 10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are :)

1. To the young man with the game of a thousand players, the one who murdered my heart, you may keep it's remains. I no longer have the will to love someone with all of my "heart", but with all of my soul. If you get a bad [broken] heart, the doctors can fix or replace it...but a soul they can not. When you miss me...try to place the pieces back together and remember what you had. But when i miss you...I'll remember that you have the remains, that now I am heartless.

2. To the chaser who tried with all of his being to steal my heart that had already been stolen, I'm sorry. Sorry that I led you on..Sorry that I hurt you, constantly. Sorry that I played with your emotions for my own satisfaction I loved you at one point...." I tried to love you, tried to love you but I can't. I was wrong about you, wrong about you.understand...how i need to love you need to love you..but I can't."

3. To the laughing spirit who looks over me...I miss you. I speak with you everyday, but still i miss you. I need you to hug me, i need you to kiss me, i need you to reassure me on a daily that things will be okay. Come take my tears away.

4. To the woman with the metal exterior. I love you...i need you, please never leave me. The days that i want to walk away from you I remember you made me who I am.. & if you werent available...I dont know if I'd be able to cope!

5.To the pair with enough "crazy" between you two to fill a pyschiatric hospital, Even though I hardly say it...i love you. You both have gotten me threw some of my roughest times. Even when you didnt know my pain existed , you helped more than you'll ever know. Ever. They dont get any better than you! :)

6.To the bitch...the bitch turned hoe. How I have so much disgust building up for you. So many things I'd love to say to you but I am trying to keep the peace. Stop being so fake..and tell me how you really feel..so that we no longer have to communicate.

7. To the man of many wise words, you taught me to follow my dreams; taught me never to let anyone stop me from doing what i want. You have always supported me in every situation, take care of yourself.You were a father to me when mine went missing, I love you. & i dont want to have to say goodbye anytime soon. My heart couldnt take it!

8. To the girl who over-analyzes everything, full of beautiful dreams, and the only person i can truly be myself with...Thank you for helping me grow up. Finally.

9. To the eyes peering in my soul, reading my deepest desires, fears, and aspirations...I need you.

10.To...the other form of giver...I desserted you for a while...and now I am back. I've asked for forgiveness and i promise i will do everything in my power to rebuild that old relationship. Everything...just guide me and be with me. Please?

Sincerly,
the mind of the dreamer with the corrupt heart, dying to be pryed open.

I'm just so tired.

2010-04-03T23:30:00.002-05:00

Yo.
Me & her relationship....remains rocky.
& somethings I try soo hard to hold in but I am unable!

All to familiar yelling.

A few punches to the face.

Tears stream from my eyes.

Shock on your face.

You want to know why tears are rollng down my face?

You want to know why I'm crying this time...

What makes this time different from all the others?

Psychically...I feel nothing. Repeatedly

But mentally?...I'm breaking down.

Does it make you feel better when you hit me?

Does it set all of your anger free?

What pushes you to think...that I am a punching bag?

What drives you to feel relief after you bruise me?

~~How much damage have I done to deserve this?~~

....& when will it end?

Because frankly...I'm tired.

Bruised face...swollen eyes,

But I tell myself that it will be okay.

It usually is.

Where else would the anger go if not to me?

Who would have to recieve it if not me?

But this time, I am tired.

Tired of the threats,

....the mood swings

....the bruises

Tired that you never apologize.

You think it's okay.

You think because you are my shelter...

that you've purchased this punching bag.

But today, I'm just so tired Mama.

Too Tired.

Random: Love?

2010-04-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

Yo.
I always discuss how I hate the way guys come to me; trying to converse with me. How it’s unacceptable...and unwanted! The same "type" of guys...the same tired lines. So now I unknowingly walk around looking extra "stuck-up" so that they won’t even attempt to hold a conversation. I've become unapproachable. & for the time being it is fine. But what about when I DO have time for dealing with a relationship and every up and down that comes with it? What about when I think that I have gotten myself together...to be with a man... Will I be able to show them at first glance that I really am a cool down to earth young woman? Will I be able to ever open up to him if he does come in my life....or will I hold on to past failed relations and assume that the next one won’t go any better...like I usually do? Will I sabotage myself...will I be willing to be there for him, and not just have him there for me? Will I be able to show him love? Will I be too scared? Too scared to be hurt again? Will he be scared that I will hurt him? Will he be willing to be with me...fuckups and all? Will I be with him through the same? Will this one last?...

What about when I think I am ready....Will I be truly ready?

"I am ready for love

All of the joy and the pain

And all the time that it takes

Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking

Maybe you're not ready for me

Maybe you think I need to learn maturity

They say watch what you ask for

Cause you might receive

But if you ask me tomorrow

I'll say the same thing "

-- India.Arie

Toodles.

I'm too vulgar....in MY blog?

2010-04-01T23:01:00.001-05:00

Yo.

Today I recieved an e-mail from some random e-mail address. Telling me how enjoyable my blog was but asking why I cursed so much..why I felt the need to be vulgar to get my point across.

When I first started my blog I censored myself so much because I thought only about my audience. ALL of my audience. I thought about how some people may be offended if I cursed too much..or if I mentioned the gritty details on sex..! So, I toned it all down. Then I got tired of censoring myself.I started this blog so that I would have somewhere to vent, somewhere to discuss what runs thru my mind on a daily--- non sugar-coated. Meaning, No fake bullshit. For my older audience I apologize for my vulgarness. I do respect my elders...I don't like older people looking at me thinking I'm just your average disrectful young woman. Mother taught me better. I was at an associates house today and I saw how he cursed sooo much in front of his parents and his grandparents. Something I just couldn't wrap my mind around. As soon as I'm in someone's presence who has 10 years or more on me I turn my vulgar-ness off...not to be fake, but out of respect. However in my blog??....I will not do that. My cursing isnt intentionally to bother anyone...these are my thoughts in rare form. No editing. I just felt I needed to address that to those who might judge me because " I curse too much". Understand, I respect EVERYone who takes the time to read my thoughts..but here, in my blog...I will not change anything. It is like asking me to change the contents in my diary...Why would I?

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:

2010-04-01T12:54:00.001-05:00

Yo.
I've been reading all of these websites trying to figure out how to work HTML. I want to make my own layout, not just manipulate the one I have to deal with! *sigh*....I think this is one fight I'm just probably going to have to lose...because I can't for the life of me understand it! Smh! .[Sidenote to a fellow blogger: Ro, i cant leave my thoughts and comments on your blog because of your settings :( !]

Anywho,I dont understand why some people cant catch a hint. I dont understand why some people still try. UghhClearly i dont wish to try to develop a relationship at the moment...I still have shit that I need to get together before being a pain to someone else. I dont know how many times I have to express that before they leave me alone..So,

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:
If you text me and 90% of the time I dont respond...more than likely I'd like you to lose contact. If the 10% of the time when I do respond and I am a TOTAL bitch to you...more than likely I'd like you to catch the hint to politely fuck off. If more than half of my responses read " Im not responding to that." Please catch the fucking hint.If I abruptly end our conversation everytime you feel like discussing your feelings or trying to hang...wake the hell up! Clearly, I could give a rats ass about your feelings and I'm one step from texting, "Not to be a bitch, but please reframe from texting me ever again"...but that would be the definition of a bitch right? Put your feelings aside...and move on to someone who cares..Please?

<3- Robyn

I hate that some people can't catch the hint no matter how much you ignore them.
Someone sent me a text saying that he was "done trying to cater to my ego."....I thought it was the funniest thing ever! I'm sure he wasnt joking...but If I cared all that much I wouldnt have acted in such a way where he ever felt like he needed to "cater to my ego." With people I care for I'm completly different. Caring...Nice even! For the rest...Um, catch the hint! Ok, Toodles!

ONE WORD...Tag!

2010-03-31T13:37:00.000-05:00

Yo!
SO I was tagged by the lovely penandpaper [Gwen] over at Permanent Issues ![Her blog is the bomb.com<---lol. Check her out!]

Here goes....

Hair -Transistioning...1/2 Natural 1/2 Permed...Terrible to deal with.

Your Mother- Protector, Provider, Comforter...My everything.
Your Father- Gone physically...but finally here w/ me everyday! :)
Fav Food- BREAD [Type:]Chinese....Yummy! I could eat it everyday!
Dream last night -Talking to daddy about my life...that he missed.
Fav drink- Coke...but I mostly drink water.
What room are you in - Bedroom?
Hobby - Writting! Reading! Blogging...& Painting! :)
Fear - I always say Rejection but I couldnt imagine losing my mom & sisters. i wouldnt be able to cope!
Where were you last night - Bed, confused as hell trying to figure out HTML!
Something that you aren't - Fake. Simple-minded.
Muffins - Chocolate Chip!
Wish list item - *Every woman too truly know her worth*
Where you grow up - Greatgranny's house on Rock street...Had our own home but was hardly there.
What you are wearing - Blue sweats, Red work shirt from when I used to wrk at Target.
Your Pet -We got rid of them all. All 3 dogs..and my Turtle, Thomas Anthony Alexander! I miss Him:(
Friends - Um, I'm sure Ive answered this somewhere on my blog.
Something your not wearing - Socks...I never wear them.
Fav Store - Walmart for everything. Forever 21 for Clothes.
Fav Color - BLACK! :)
Last time you laughed -A few minutes ago..watching Living Single! " In a 90's kind of world, Im glad I got my girls."
Your Best Friend[s] - Karimah Marie & Ally Maree! :)
Best Place you go over and over - My dreams...escape from reality.
Person who email you regularly -Blogger..tracking all my post comments.
Fav place to eat - Cheesecake Factory when im out of town! WANT one in LR!

& Im supposed to tag people...But um, I'm too lazy to put the links and stuff up! So...if you'd like to do it..Go for it! :) Toodles!

Let me speak hood to you..

2010-03-30T00:59:00.001-05:00

Yo.

Hello Lovelies. Today was absolutely wonderful. I mean I am still suffering through my withdrawals...but today was just beautiful. I’m in a REALLY good mood...but for some reason I still feel like ranting about something. If you don’t like to read my shit talking...move the fuck on...Ok? Anywho, My cousin and I were having a conversation. He told me that I had changed...turned into a "white girl" since we moved out of his "hood". Of course I’m like what the hell? Skin check...Still looks brown to me. He said that the way I talk makes me white. He said “You’re from the hood...so where the fuck you get that shit from? I talk like this cause I’m from the same place as you...and this how we talk." Um, excuse me? So because I grew up in the hood I'm supposed to have a certain vocabulary? I hate when people use "growing up in the hood" as an excuse for their choice of dialect. Ridiculous if you ask me. I don’t think that because you grew up in a certain area that you should dumb down your whole demeanor to fit in with them,Make up dumb ass words and say it in a dumb ass slurred tone...Nope. That is not a sufficient argument. Talking as if you’re illiterate is not an option for me and should not be to those in the hood. When has that every been a good excuse for anything?

..And then I’m fake because I grew up in the hood and talk like I have some damn sense? I mean what the fuck am I supposed to sound like? Like I have very little education? Like all I have going for me is street smarts? No thanks I don’t want to be one of the ratchets. One of the bitches you listen to and try to decipher what the fuck she is talking about. Nope...that shit is for birds! It doesn’t take much to add subjects and verbs in fucking sentences. It doesn’t take much to pronounce a word correctly. And it never hurts to expand your vocabulary. White girl my ass...I speak like I’m educated. Yes, I have something to prove...I don’t like people looking at me and thinking I'm just another dumb ghetto bitch when I open my mouth to speak. Ughh, this type of conversatin always bothers me. Because at the end the other person always argues that I think Im better than the hood..from which I was made. & I know better..I just would like others to do better! Feel me? lol...Toodles!

Withdrawals are a BITCH!

2010-03-29T01:37:00.003-05:00

Yo.
When I started this whole "celibacy" thing I really didnt think I'd last this long. I mean..I KNOW me..and umm....I just thought I would have given in by now. AND surprisingly...I havent. I should be writting this post in a month and a few days..bc It will mark my 1 year mark, but um...right now I'm having withdrawals. Sex has always taken up a big portion of my thoughts! For the pure pleasure of my partner... And now...now that Im without it..Its worse than ever. & to make things worse my thoughts only revolve around one dick.

Setting up the scene mentally:
[Might wanna skip over this part.idk..all I know is it's my blog and I say whatever the hell I please :)!]

*Dial his number and get straight to the point*----
" I know I dont even contact you anymore...but lately I've been missing you. Well missing HIM. SHE needs HIM in her....delivering like HE usually does. I need to taste HIM...Ive just missed HIM so much! ...Need your tongue to lap HER up....Damn, its an understatement to say I crave it. Honey..Did I ever tell you you were the best? So...Get out of your plans with your girl and come fulfill my fantasies like only you can. One night honey, no one has to know but you and I....and my camera. Ohhhhh, Did I mention I wanna make a video?....Video so that the last time will ALWAYS be the most memorable....Video so that I can have a visual to go along with my usual thoughts of you...and NO you cant have a copy, we've already discussed that ;). When we get in the room...Call your girl and make up a lie to let her know you'll be TIED UP for the rest of the night. Clothes off...Lights dim.Tell her Goodnight and that you love her while I nibble at your ear. You already told me you miss it...Let me be the best you'll ever have.Then go home to your wife. No more calls..no more communication, Just come give me MY dick, then take your ass home well over satisfied. Muah! "
[Of coarse his response would be a non hesitant OK..Im on the way!]

[Like I said earlier skinny doesnt equal sexy...& its my blog so I do what I want! lol :)]

......Ughh...talk about fuckin frustrated.! But I respect relationships a little too much for that, so it will remain a fantasy. No homewrecking bitch here. But these withdrawals are terrible. Starting to get to me. But I know my reasons outweigh my urges..and I will continue to tell myself that to get through this with out having to make a phone call...ok Toodles!

Update: Funeral and My Shawty

2010-03-26T00:26:00.000-05:00

Yo.
Okay, so I'll be back to my regular posting now.Thanks for all the comments under my last post. The actual funeral? Complete hell on me. I mean I've only cried at one funeral in my life and even then it was controlable. This time?...Nonstop and they actually had to drag me out of the funeral view...crazy right? I leaned in to kiss him and he was just so....hard and cold. That seriously fucked my mind up. Ughh, anywho no more details of that day. I got reaquainted with that side of my family...oh how I love those fools! Anywho...my life is pretty much at a stand-still right now.

This little purple monkey here is my love, Shawty[He named him that jokingly bc he used to say that word too much]. My ex won him for me at the fair during our relationship. It meant sooo much to me. No one has ever "won" anything for me...so I thought it was really sweet. I had him for a little over a year....then I had to get rid of him.

He meant TOO much to me. Everytime I looked at him that memory would come back...and many others. && that I can not deal with . Stuffed animals never mean much to me..but this one did..and he had to go. What do you do with past loves items that they have given you? Do you throw them away or keep them tucked away out of sight. I have too many other things...odd things to remind me of him. But none with the same effect as Shawty. So to my little Shawty, Im sorry sweetheart but you were a thing of the past..no point in hanging on to you anymore. Toodles.

TTYL Daddy:

2010-03-12T03:17:00.001-06:00

Yo.
Ok...so my last post totally fucked itself up! ANYWHO....um, I havent really been up on my blog. Going through too much..and now I've lost my father. I'm posting my facebook letter on here...just to subsitute for not posting. Sorry you all. I will be back to my normal posting here soon!

Daddy,

I always wondered how I would feel when this day came…but I didn’t think I’d have to deal with this so soon. I thought I had time…time to rebuild a relationship. When I got the news, everything around me froze. Total silence…As feeling started to rush back into my body, I sat there trying to keep my face dry; trying to appear strong. The tears yelled “Fuck you”, and came down anyway. It was all so surreal. Not now Daddy. Not Now! I never got to say goodbye.

After hearing what took place; what led to your murder… I thought “This all could have been avoided.” But of course Mr. Hot-head can’t keep his words or his hands to himself. I can’t blame the others involved…nor God. I only can blame you Daddy; YOU because you had many opportunities to turn your life around…to get it together. Too many near death situations and still…you didn’t wake up. Same shit new day right Daddy? Well not today Daddy. Today you’re gone…Gone and how do I feel?

Out of my 19 years on this earth, 10 you spent steadily in my life. 10 years of constant memories and then you disappear. Come back in my life momentarily only to disappear again. It’s not enough to know when I graduate, my birthday, and what I was like as a child. It’s not enough, Daddy. You wondered why I never really talked to you as I got older. Well…I couldn’t deal with having a daddy that loves me when it’s convenient for him. Loves me enough to stay in life for a month or two and disappear for a year. Each time getting my hopes up high thinking maybe you would stay for the long run. Daddy…I just couldn’t deal with you being less than part-time.

All I have to go by is the man I knew when I was a child…the man I adored. How hard you fought to stay in my life when my mother was so insistent on having you out. How much you went out of your way slipping money under the door, leaving toys on the porch. Coming by on Sundays and taking us to the park, out to get pizza, and all the junk food a child could ask for. Always smiling and joking..playing and laughing. Loving…like a father should be. I missed that…and sometimes wished I could have pressed rewind. Pressed rewind to when giving up was not in your vocabulary when it came to being there for me and Ilysha. When did it become easier to walk away Daddy?

Tears flood from my eyes because I never got to show you that under all the bitterness I loved you…more than you could ever imagine. I didn’t want you to leave without knowing that I cared Daddy. I wanted to be at the hospital to keep you company in your last hours. I needed to hear you tell me not to worry…that everything was going to be fine. But I didn’t. You left me. How am I supposed to feel? What about me Daddy...What about me?

All I know is wherever you are it has to be better than here for you. It has to be less stressful, less hard on you. You have to be happier. And now….I can finally reach you whenever I need you. God needed you. I needed you. Now, I finally have you…In my life where you belong. No more running away. No more fear. No more worrying about you. I love you Daddy! Until next time…[Muah]!

Ok..TOODLES!

Tat that pussy up...wth?

2010-02-19T21:29:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Ok, now off that depressing shit. Thanks to all my lovely followers. Ive been going through my shit...and now Im feeling a tad bit better. My "Flaw" post will be a continuous thing and yes anyone who wants to use the idea can! :) I'm glad I can inspire and uplift some of you with my random post! Your feedback means sooo much too me. I'm trying to get caught back up on things in the Blog World. Sorry for my absence. Anywho...I came to talk about one specific thing that just urks the hell out of me.

My sister was telling me about how one of her friends [a senior in high school] went and got a tattoo on her bikini line that read "{enter her boyfriends name here}"! They are not married..nor engaged. Havent even been dating for a full year and she went and got his name tatted. Did he get her name on him somewhere?...HELL NAW! I fuckin' hate when people do dumb shit like that. Too many times I've seen this and I just think its the silliest decision a young girl can make. I understand that it is always a way to get it removed but why do tht to your body? WHY do people go out and do this? To prove to their mates how much they love them? To show that they are the only ones in that pussy? Why go that far for someone who isnt willing do the same? And when he leaves..when something goes wrong your stuck with his name damn near on your pussy. Smh, complete sillilness. The only way I can see it being ok to get his name tatted is if he puts a ring on it...and you have a marriage license in hand! Then and only then is that ok! There are not enough words I can say to truley show how disgusted I am with this whole concept. Smh at these silly hoes! [If you are one of them...please explain why you got it?]....Smh! Toodles!

Just one of those days...

2010-02-19T21:04:00.000-06:00

Yo.

I've been writting full blogs for the past week and just cant make myself push the publish button. One reason and one reason only; they have all been about the same thing, the same person. Valentines Day someone contacted me.[Mind you Valentines Day marked our exact one year mark since our last date, since our last...everything.]
During the conversation he threw in " I miss you". An " I miss you" that I just didnt need to hear. I wrote so many letters, wrote all my existing feelings..wrote out all my fantasies that came about from our chatting. I have let it seriously fuck with my mind for the last week. I rather not go into complete detail over the short conversation because I want his words to be kept to myself. I love him....I truley love him from the bottom of my heart but I can not have him. CAN NOT and no matter what i say or do their is nothing I can do to change that. It's best that I keep my sanity and not contact him. But I miss him...I miss everything about him. But I'm sure life will work itself out for the best. Being left alone with my thoughts helped me to realize that maybe....we arent the best fit. Maybe we arent the best couple. He was not meant to marry me...He was not THE one. BUT, I will never truley be over him until I find someone who takes my thoughts about him away. Until he is just a far memory that comes up every once and a while...not everyday. [*sigh*] Why do I still care about him? Why can't our memories just dissapear?! [No reason to respond..]

Super quick update:

2010-02-07T22:32:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Yes, yes I know Im slacking. Completley. Ive actually been pretty busy with life and discissions. More than likely I'll be doing a lot of mobile blogging this week. Random thoughts and serious thoughts. Some of my blog post just never make it to my blog...smh, something is wrong with the communication between my phone and the internet. Anywho....Saints won. Of coarse I was going for them...anyone who wasnt...um, how do you feel? lol....I love that this is their first time at the Superbowl..and they won.! Yah! One of my fav commercials was the Palamalu Commercial when they pulled him out of the stump like a groundhog...ughh I have a serious cruxh on that man. Mmmm, MMmm, MMmm. Not to mention Reggie Bush was some beautiful eye candy to keep me going through the game. Uhuh!
I'm up to 101 followers! Aghhhh![definitely an understatement.]! I'm sooo happy to be at 100. I appreciate that people actually like to hear what I have to say!
Anyone going Natural, I could use hair style ideas for short hair. I havent cut all my permed ends yetbut um, I cut some of them..and this hair is getting to hard to manage. Smh. But I'm liking it right now!
Ok, Clearly Im kind of rushing right now[Sorry]...I have to leave to go back to school now. SMh, how I HATE that school with a passion. Yeap..Ok, I will be checking in soon. Toodles!

Fw:Flaw #1

2010-02-07T22:20:00.001-06:00

Yo.
I'm not a big fan of people picking at themselves... but everyone knows their flaws.

I have the tendency to shut people out. ALL people. No matter how close I'm supposed to be with someone ,I wont say too much of anything. My best friends for example: I hardly go to them when I have a problem. They come to me and ask whats wrong....even then I hardly share. & It's not that I dont feel comfortable with them, most times I just rather stress alone. & Most times people can't and won't say the right things to make it better or make it go away. It eventually becomes a huge downfall and ultimately the demise of my serious relationships. Im kind of backwards though. When I'm just "in-like" with someone I wont hold my tongue on anything. Meaning everytime they say something I have my input and a story to relate..but as soon [and i do mean AS SOON] as I start to like them a tad bit more I completly shut down. I dont share life stories and experiences and I hardly share my opinion on too much of anything. When asked important questions relating to emotion I can not answer them outloud...but I could write them in a heartbeat. I could put most of my feelings in a long ass txt or letter and send it. [which i hardly do]...but my effort of writting to open up goes unnoticed. If i cant verballly open up to them...things seem to go wrong. Which i understand, you cant really have a txt relatinship. but...i dont know hw to fix it; i dont know how to open up without writting. I tried again and again...but nothing works. I dont like people completly inside of my head. I really hope to overcome this because I'm sure it will continue to be nothing but an extreme problem. Any tips? Ok....Toodles!

...Flawed Barbie --->

2010-01-27T00:33:00.002-06:00

Yo.
So...I was going through some old poems I wrote when i used to write frequently. Smh, I need to get back on it. I forgot I had wrote this one.....ENJOY!

[Excuse the way it is typed..I was going through a little phase when I thought I'd type all my shit like that..smh!] EDIT: I came back and fixed the way it was typed, it was realllyyyyy bothering me to see it! Ughh!

-----UNPERFECT BARBIE-----

The way I live is like a false reality...
Like a toyland ====> & Im the BARBiiE
My world seems as if Im trapped in plastic
................................I can not breathe
I only move at the control of their hands
Im made up to perfection but no true happiness
I sit with that permanent smile on my face
========> unable to show emotion
because I'm trapped.................
trapped in this colorful box with a film of plastic.
My body is in a weird pose...but still I'm smiling.
My hands are pressed against the film...
begging someone to save me from this box
...to purchase me and save me from display.
&& SOMEONE does..........
SOMEONE likes my look & the possibilities they see in me
SOMEONE purchases me & takes me home
rips me from my box...my safe enviornment
careful to save the wrapping just incase
...just incase Im not exactly what they want
Im immediatley thrown into my new life...
my new surroundings--to see how I work.
They move me around making up things they think I would say...
...............................things I would never say.

Smiling trapped in plastic--yea thats how I feel

They control my movement...what I wear...everything but my mind.
So quickly they realize Im boring--Just another toy
.....just another toy that can be tossed to the side
They put me back in the box--
positioning me in an even wierder position, my hair a little tossled
& they return me to where I came from.
...Return me because once again I am unwanted.
Once again i am just on display
Waiting....
Waiting on my next potential owner to use me and toss me back into this box.
............toss me back like trash

My life is on display.........
My heart lies cold and hard...like plastic
...Just another unperfected BARBiiE!

-December 1, 2008

Dear Mother:

2010-01-26T19:22:00.000-06:00

Yo.
We interrupt your normal program to bring you:
So I've been going through a few things...and my mother has been helping me cope. If you know me and my mothers past relationship it would be a shock. Our relationship only got better when i went away to college. Even then it was good every once and a while. Well today I woke up to a text message from her :

[Good morning baby. I know you’re having a hard time 2. I’m here 4 u. We will get thru this. Hope you have a better day. I love you. From now on I will be uplifting and more understanding. I get so raveled up in my own problems that I act like yall don’t have problems, worries, or pain and I’m SO SORRY FOR THAT! From this day forward I am going to be more understanding of yall concerns. I can’t take back the years I lacked but you make sure it doesn’t happen again. I promise. I love you more than words can say. We will get through this, just don’t worry yourself.]

--------mind you we have never been the family to speak openely on mushy gushy feelings. No hugging, no kissing, we dont even say i love you regularly...because we know its there and doesnt need to be said.
She really has made my day! So to her....

Dear Mother:

Let me start by saying...I LOVE YOU! I know we have had our down times. Times when you’re yelling feels like its suffocating me. Times when you didn’t want me near you. Times…times when things were just horrible. But know that through every and anything I love you more than I could ever show.I depend so much on you some might think it’s ridiculous. You’ve spoiled me to be this way and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when you disapprove of everything I do, I love you. If anything ever happened to you I don’t know where I’d be. I don’t know if I could stay here...on this earth. Now I am going through what seems like the hardest time of my life so far and you are right here by my side...as you always are when things outside of our relationship get tough. You are the only person keeping me sane right now and if you only knew how much that truly meant to me. When I can’t see the sun shining you grab my hand and lead me there. You have been understanding through this whole process and please continue to bear with me. I could never ask nor need a better mother than you. Granted we have our issues; we might not agree 98% of the time…but we cannot be perfect. Thanks for every sacrifice you have ever made for me. It took a little maturing to see how much you’ve worked for me and my sisters. Being a single mother is never easy...and believe I appreciate it. You are my hero; my idol. I want to be able to provide and do for my child when that day comes as you have always done for me and my sisters. You would give your last for me and know that I would do the same. I am and will always be available for you whenever you need me. KNOW that! I love you!

With sooo much love,

Robyn

Ok...now back to your normal scheduled program! Toodles! :)

Whats the difference?

2010-01-26T03:31:00.001-06:00

Yo.
So I was browsing through Single Black Male and one of his readers left an interesting question under one of his post. The post was saying all types of things that I just didnt agree with. i.e : "If you’re standing in a party and your female friends leans notices you looking at a girl and she says, “That girl is a ho.” If she’s pointing to you, you’re a ho." Or...she could be just one hating ass female that doesnt even know you?...Had that shit happen to me before...def was ready to hurt this ignorant chick that knew nothing about me....ANYWHO that is def not what i came to write about. The website above is actually a really good website and I encourage you all to go check it out.! So the question one of his readers left was as follows:
What’s the difference between being “sexually liberated” and being a hoe?

Hmmm, I really just want to hear my readers opinions on this question. I've always wondered this. When asked what was my definition of a hoe...I used to respond " Someone who sleeps with any and every one and never has any standards."...That was my old response. Now? Now it has changed ~~a little~~ completly due to the fact that i dont have a definition for the word anymore. I have always been open minded to what people do behind closed doors...I have always thought if you like it then do it, no one should look down on or talk about what another does sexually if it has nothing to do with them. I hardly use the word in a serious manner..If and when i have used it Its expressing serious dislike for a girl who fucks with peoples boyfriends/husbands/ and anyone else that will tell her she is remotely attractive..basically the ones sleeping around bc they have self esteem issues. BUT I mean how would i really know if ole girl/guy had "no standards" as listed in my definition. Even if he/she had slept with 150 people [random ass number and I know a few guys who claim this is their goal...and shit they close enuff. smh]there is always at least one dick/pussy they have turned down or walked away from. So who am I to really sit around and judge them? I still believe people should have all the sexual freedom they want...but I admit sometimes hearing that people are fucking 3 different dudes a week [from their mouths...im nt the one to believe he say/ she say] bothers the hell out of me. I just dont think thats anything to brag on...but if they like it and are happy with themselves that really gives me no place to go around judging them. I dont know the difference between a hoe and someone sexually liberated! I guess Hoe is just the trashy version of someone sexually liberated...but how can they be the trashy version if their doing the same thing? If they like having every hole filled and 7 dudes in line watching and waiting for their turn..thats them. It has nothing to do with me unless one of those niggas was my man. Nope..nothing at all to do with me.! If people want to get down like that and thats truley what turns them on..more power to them. So readers...in your opinion, "What’s the difference between being “sexually liberated” and being a hoe?"!

Doug E Fresh...

2010-01-26T01:46:00.003-06:00

Yo.
Okay...usually I dont even post videos..But I was going through a whole bunch of old rapper videos on YouTube..and stumbled across an old interview with Doug.E.Fresh. I love him! I had never seen this one though..and apparently its a documentary of old school hiphop..I want it! Anywho...Im pretty much in love with his beatboxing section on this.[especially the breathing part..oooooh!] Anywho..I think its amazing how people can do this with their mouth. i love old school rap...thats the only rap I would listen to until last year..then I start listening to this stuff called rap today. Anywho...enjoy his beatboxing! :)

and just because i thought this shit was HILARIOUS! Who the hell decided to put Biz Markie on Yo Gabba Gabba [a childs show]..? He is a wonderful beatboxer from back in the day..but he would scare the hell out of me if i were a child watching this. Lol..Im dying over here...pay attention to his poses at 0.05! Hahahaah!Sorry Biz.

Toodles!

Continuing the "fuckage" after the breakup...

2010-01-25T01:02:00.001-06:00

Yo.!

Yesterday I was talking to a close friend when she said something that just made me want to blog. We were talking about 2 couples that broke up recently. She stated how she thought it was just a plot so they would be single for Valentines' Day and that they'd hook right back up with them after that. I said something about being pretty sure that their still fucking anyway. She then said " Well duh, there's still sex! Its 2010!"..."Wth? What does that have to do with anything?"..."Everybody's doin it these days...Continuing the fuckage after the relationship"! [Sidenote: Fuckage? Yea..I def have no clue why she used that word..or made up that word either!] What kind of statement is that to be made?....A damn true one. Why once people fall out of love, make mistakes, or what the hell ever it is that breaks them up...they continue " the fuckage" after the relationship? Is it not just silly?
I know a couple who had been together a few years and broke up, claiming it was for good. A guy [an ex] stated his opinion on it. " You know she still fucking him right? Thats just so stupid. How stupid can you get. He broke up with her and she still giving him pussy?..The one thing that a lack of could possibly get them back together..She just dumb." Mind you that me and him basically had the same shit going on....but he claims our shit is different...smh. Hearing him say that was an eye opener...!I always think its a silly idea to be without the relationship title but getting all the relationship benefits. Even when I was in that same position. Its silly to continue to go out, fuck, chill, talk on the phone the same but not have a title? When situations go down like that my mind says he just wants to be a hoe. Ya'll are dating...unofficially so that he can fuck whoever without you really being able to bitch over it. But why has it become so fuckin common. Mostly every couple [i know] who has had a failed relationship have continued fucking after...unless the breakup was drastic. [& i know a few that still fuck even then]...Why?? I really would love to hear the answer to this! Does it lose a guys respect if your still fucking him afterwards..? I know girls who have said its because they would settle for having a little of him instead of losing all of him. Why though? Explain the whole continuing "the fuckage" after the relationship to me. Ive been there, done that..but still I need to get a grasp on it all!

More Awards :)!

2010-01-24T22:56:00.002-06:00

~~Hello~~ YO!

I'm pretty much caught up on everyones blogs now. Some of you really do make my days better. Others force me to think about shit that i dont necessarily want to think about..but need to. While catching up I realized I dont even care for some of the blogs i follow anymore...so i need to get on to removing them ASAP. Somethings i just cant relate to..nor do I want to. Anywho because I said I'd do this award post..here goes[I'm going to shortcut rules: Yall know the deal]!

During my catching up I've collected 5 awards! *Gasp*! :o!

I feel so loved! Ok...I received the Happy Blog award 4 times. From Keenya over at Golden Mind, *Cook over at Musik & Soul *,Mz.AuNatural-Beauty over at Truth on the Rocks, and Von digne over at My Mind State! I love all of their blogs. Hilarious,talented bloggers...they wont dissapoint. Gone Head over and check them out! NOW! :)Anywho, 4 times Meaning that I would have to do the rules for this x's 4...40 things that make me happy and 40 bloggers who brighten my day. Smh...bullshit, yall know i hardly follow the original rules. I'll do 20 facts & 20 bloggers. Yeap..sounds fair to me!

Shit that makes me all giggly inside:

Family...[well some of them, the rest? smh..]
Friends...[sometimes those tricks can be a bit much though...but I love them all the same]
Writting...[gotta get my feelings out somehow..right?]
Art...[lovvvve painting]
Sex...[def has to be at the top of the list somewhere.]
Porn...[what? wasnt expecting that? I watch tht shit like TV! It soothes me!]
My fingers...[think about the two above...self-explanatory]
Shopping...[although I havent shopped for myself in months..aghh Im so deprived]
Poetry...[love seeing people perform spoken word...!]
Pretty Woman, Nip/Tuck, Bad Girls Club, Set it Off..and all of my other fav shows & movies.
Taking pics of myself...[clearly...]
Dudes catching the hint to fuck off...[Seriously!]
Blogging...[love yalls blogs! :)]
Music...[usually all my oldies! ]
Love...[pretty much obsessed/infatuated with the whole concept of it]
Sucess...[achieving goals I've set for myself]
Strippers...[as of yesterday...Mmmm yall that man def gave me new ideas! ;)]
Other happy truly happy people...[a real smile realy can make me feel better]
Intellectuals...[People that just dont have simple ass conversations]
.......um, Me?[I ran out of shit!]

ok..Im being lazy on my editing too....smh!
20 Bloggers Who make me happy reading their shit:

In no way is this in order! [Not that most of the blogs that i follow dont make me happy..Im just lazy and refuse to go through ALL of them!]Anywho...the next award was given to me by Vincia over at Mocha.Sister. Wonderful blog... gone head and go check her out if you havent already.

I only have to tell awards I love under this...and really the blogs I LOVE on an EVERY post basis are listed in those above. Figure it out...and since I wont point them all out...those listed above also get this one![Yeap..Im just being lazy...who cares? :)]

Oh...and guess what else? Yall dont have to follow those icky rules. Nope..just accept it and be happy...I mean unless you really would like to do all of that...then be my guest. Anywho I really appreciate all of my faithful followers and stalkers! It feels wonderful to be appreciated.! [Get so much pussy I can probably guess yo panty size??lol..remix on Vincia's page..hilarious line. i know someone who can do that :)!] Ok...Toodles for now!

Letter to My Ex, Next..and all that good shit in between!

2010-01-22T04:16:00.002-06:00

Yo.
I swear today just couldnt be any worse. Ughh, feels like everything is crashing around me. I dont really want to discuss my day in detail right now...maybe when i get some strength to deal with it all..I will! But today..today I'm just going to borrow another bloggers idea. I saw it on i am the unpretentious narcissist who got the idea from Truth on the Rocks ! Both of whom are lovely bloggers..gone head and check them out! Anywho...on to my letter! [Sorry for the length!]

Dear [Nigga that was just hittin' it i.e Fuckbuddy]:

You know I dont take yo ass serious right? I mean to tell you the truth I never really did. I'd appreciate it if you stop trying to contact me everytime you think we in the same area...textin/callin/facebooking me about " when we gone kick it?". Then why you got to use dumb downed phrases like that? i mean you want pussy..might as well say "when we gone get together and fuck again?"...I mean cause thats all that it translates to in my mind anyway. And why once I tell you all i want is to be fuck buddies..nothing more, your brain tells you to try to make me your girl? Just because we've had a few pillow talks when yo ass wouldnt go home does not mean that I like yo ass...and damn for sure not love. Remember baby..we just fuckin'. Keep yo feelings to yoself and just share the dick please. The only feelings you need to be concerned with of mine are the ones goin on in my pussy..ok? Thanks for understanding!
P.S- Lose my number...I stopped fuckin with you for a reason.

Dear [Dude i thought I was in love with, dudes I was in love with, and the ones I liked enough to take the " Im yo girl" title i.e EXes]:

Hmmm. Let me start by saying that all of you werent bad. I mean all of you are actually pretty decent dudes. besides the fact that ya'll all triflin. But moral wise and shit yall got some good heads on your shoulders. For the ones that I left....more than likely you deserved it. More than likely i was bored with you..and I warned you from jump..I tend to get bored easily. To the ones that i used....um sorry? I mean if you give me full control what you think ima walk on by? Hell naw..Ima take that shit and run with it. I hate men who let you run over them...anytime my EVERY opinion becomes your opinion too..we have a problem. To the ones that left me....smh. I wanna say fuck yall. But really yall the only ones I gave a damn about. The only ones I cared about leaving...well except for one. And to that one..nigga I know you thought I was devastated..and yea I was. but it wasnt cause you left, it was cause I didnt get to break up with you first..now that shit did something to my ego. Letting a nigga like you break up with me?..smh! Fuck you! To the ones i loved....I still have love for you..might not be IN love, but I def love yall asses.We all had good times...I hope yall suceed and all that good shit.Talk to ya whenever.
P.S- Ya'll can lose my number too. Dont contact me trying to fuck with my head..and damn for sure dont contact me trying to get ANOTHER chance, telling me how much I'm missed..comparing me to yo bitches after me..." You must regret the day that you left me", well duh I know that I'm better!Yo fault.!...ugh, nigga dismissed!

Dear [What the fuck...is that dude hiding in the bush? i.e STALKERS]:

I know you reading this shit, I know you excited you got a lil air time huh? You think I dont know that you check my twitter,facebook,blog, and any and every other social network you can find me on? I mean dude..hw the fuck you know I had a skype..or a formspring before I even publicized it? Crazy ass dudes. And this aint only to the exes,crazy niggas I wont give the time of day, ex fuckbuds, or just them random ass creepy dudes. Nope, its to the bitches too. I know yall watching...trying to find another reason to have my name all in you mouth. [" My names in yo mouth so it must be delicious"]..Yea I know it makes yo life to talk shit about me...but bitch you aint got stalk me on the low.Reading my shit..reading extra hard in betweeen the lines. Ughh, yall make me sick. Swear you dont like me but you keep up with my shit more than I do?Oh and um..just wait til I get my hands on a tazzer. Swear you gone wish you got my permission to just pop up off fuckin guard and shit...We clear?

Dear [.....Future?]:

Do me a favor and just dont be like the idiots,assholes,triflin niggas above. Show me that it is possible to find someone good for me..and good to me. Dont play games with my heart and try to destroy me. Respect me, be willing to be there with me. Be willing to stand in front of me [protect me]...show me that you are different...and I will give you the same. I havent been perfect, and I cant promise that I ever will be. But I will do [not try] my best...if your willing to do the same.Just be different. A different breed of man than Im used to dealing with. Show me that good and man can go in the same sentence with out be the biggest fuckin oxymoron in the world. Be on the same level in life I am...or higher. Be able to stimulate my mind, my body, my soul....be like a fairytale;to good to be true! Can you do all of that..or am I asking too much?!

[Yea, i suggest all of you do one. Even if its just for your eyes. Makes you feel good to get it out! :) Oh..I am on formspring now, gone head and ask me anything in that lil box on my sidebar. I'll answer everything! :) And I'm on skype..guess I should put that on the sidebar as well. I'm on the T's now. The Dish on Kamik to be exact...! :) Almost fully caught up...Ok, Toodles!]

Sex Game Proper ;)

2010-01-20T03:04:00.002-06:00

Yo.
Okay...I started catching back up today..swear its been longer than 7 hours. But hey now I'm to the L's! I'm stopping right before Lovers and Friends: Me, My pad, and Pen. I was so tempted to skip some. I got through some of my favs today..and cant wait to get to the others....No names will be dropped! :)! Oh and I'm collecting awards on the way..but Im going to accept them all in one big post. So far its 3! :)

Anywho..It's like 2 in the morning and my mind is totally in the gutter. SO I'm going to do a Do's and Dont's to sex [for my personal preferences.]..Got the idea from Keenya! [Check her out!]

Hell Yea's

Biting [not tht baby nibbling shit either..like vampire bites]
Long Kisses [ all over]
Ice,Toppings,Candy, [Candles ;)]
Choking [pay attention til when I'm about to black out then let go ;)]
Pull my hair [only if its MY real hair...don't try to yank tracks out!]
Constant change of position [Be creative]
Be rough..! [tossing on the bed, pushing on the ground...whatever!]
Gone head lick the kitty..and be good at it!
Stare in my eyes
#1 priority being to make ME cum...ME ME ME!
Be ready for Round 2!

Hell No's

Talking [please dont give me a fuckin interview.."Whose is it? How you want it?..etc"]
Punching
Slapping...not even light taps
Nutting on my face
Eating my ass [biting is acceptable]
Licking my toes [matter fact dont touch them at all!]
Being stank [scrub yo nutts!]
1-10 minute men. [Unless its specified as a quickie]

Yea..thats all I can think of right now....! Too much info?? Well you did see that lil warning about adult content AND yo ass entered anyway...so suck that shit up! Ok, I need to be sleeping! Seriously! Toodles!

...

2010-01-19T00:02:00.001-06:00

Yo.

Okay so i dont know what the hell told me I could get caught up on ALL the blogs I follow in one night. I've been catching up for 5 hours and just made it to the B's. I stopped right before Blu Flame Blvd. 5 hours and not even half way through??? I just realized I follow entirely too many blogs! But I'm addicted to blogging. Smh..I will get to everyone..I promise! So this is going to take wayyy longer than I thought. And since I missed soo much i'm just going in alphabetical order so I'm sure not to miss anyone. I'm soooo tired though. And I'm going to have to continue getting caught up tomorrow..as well as make a few blog changes!
So the question on my mind: What makes a person marriage material?.

I know many people will have many different answers, and I look foward to reading them all. I'll voice my opinion on it a little later. Ok...until tomorrow...TOODLES! :)

I'm back bitches! :)

2010-01-18T19:59:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Okay..I'm back at my constant blogging! Promise! Anywho..back at this horrid school! Smh, I made a vlog to post as my " Hell yea, I'm finally back" post..lol, but now I dont really feel like posting it. Its like 10 minutes long anyway. It was a quick update on my last month. Alot has happened..but I dont care to discuss more than half of it..so I'll just skip it all. I have soooooo much catching up to do in the blogworld! Smh at myself. This is going to be one loonnnng night. i will also get around to accepting all of the awards and making post about them. More than likely I'm going to short cut the rules. But before I go to sleep I'll post a question I'd love for you all to answer? OK? I've missed you all so much..and welcome new followers! Ok...til I catch up TOODLES! :)

Fw:Mini Update! :)

2010-01-11T23:25:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Mobile blogging sucks ass. Smh, i'll have my constant internet back this week! :) I cant wait. I need to catch up on others blogs and accept awards. smh, i feel like ive been neglecting everything. School starts this week. The break was pretty decent and i dread going back to this school. DREAD! Smh, anywho....I love my new baby cousin. I love babies. Shes soooo precious.

2010-01-03T19:38:00.001-06:00

Yo.
I miss my blog! :( ! I miss keeping up with my favorite blogs. The internet comes in and out...the signal is soooo weak and i might as well still be without it. ... I shud be back to my blog by nxt wk. The holidays went alright..i hope they went well for everyone!
Anywho i have a question to all. ...Would you rather be blind or deaf?
I've heard so many people say blind, hardly anyone says deaf. The reason mainly being living w/o music. I think if i had to be born w/o a sense, i'd rather be deaf over blind. I love all things beautiful....ART, & i couldnt imagine nt being able to see anyone, anything, all the colors..all the beauty tht is life. Peoples expressions speak volumes...im more of a visual person. So how about you all?....just a random question tht popped in my mind. Ok...Toodles! :)

i LOVE you Granny! :)

2009-12-25T17:26:00.000-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY & MERRY CHRISTMAS GREAT GRANNY, Mrs. Lizzie Lou Perkins - Ross! i MiSS & LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! [understatement]

2009-12-25T11:32:00.001-06:00

Yo.
MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!
I'm having a wonderful day....i got a lot of money and would you like to know my favorite gift? SUPER MARIO on Wii!!!! Aghhh, if only yall knew hw much I LOVE video games! AND MARIO? Oh, i'd marry him...lol! Seriously! I'm sooo ready to crack this thing open and play....after my errands though!!!!! Have to spend time with my FAMILY! :) Hope you all's day goes well. Remain happy & blessed!!!!!
Toodles!
[p.s.-no internet still..smh!]

2009-12-23T21:26:00.001-06:00

Yo.
.....and the obiturary reads " at 9:02pm on December 23, she died from lack of internet. She had been with out it for 3 days and....well, it was the death of her."lol, ok....so clearly i have no internet and i'm losing my mind. GOSH. I am seriously going crazy...i feel like i'm cut off from life. *sigh* I've realized I rely too much on the internet. Smh....i need to get it together. No checking others blogs,no browsing for pics for my post, no googling silly questions.....no twitter or youtube. Ughhhh....stupid house with no internet,and my phone is temporarily without it as well...I'm sooo sad. Blogging through text message from my phone? HORRIBLE! I cant edit anything...and since Im writting all of this in a txt...im typing everything shorthand. Smh.

Quick update: ive been running everywhere getting everyones elses gifts..and im still missing 2 ppl. Its going to be hell getting them gifts tomoro. UGH! This break so far--sucks serious ass! Ive been the worst friend ever, i need to contact my besties soon! Im nt really in the christmas spirit.
Anywho hopefully i hv my internet back soon...Toodles!

Who Dat say they gone beat them Saints...Well I'm sure my boys said it...BITCHES! :x

2009-12-19T22:54:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Shit you already know why I'm here. You do know...right?! Who dat say they gone beat them Saints? Well MY motherfuckin' COWBOYS! Yea bitches! Oooooooh-Weeeeee! I admit I had my doubts but...they came through! Aghhhhhh, I love my BOYS!

Dear Boys:
Sorry for doubting you all. No doubt yall are the shit. That is all!
- Robyn

Now, I'm about to party my ass off. Yes I'm in a good ass mood! GOOO COWBOYS! Hell yea! Saints I like yall but I LOVE my boys! Ok, Toodles!

Would you like my finger for assistance? Fuck you bruh!

2009-12-19T14:35:00.000-06:00

Yo.

So....Have I ever mentioned how quick tempered I am? And how when I do get mad.....I get BEYOND mad. Guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Bullshit ass fussing about absolutley nothing. As soon as I calm down from that I open an email from some random person...talking about my blog! Everyone is entitled to their opinion on things... and I TRY to respect everyones opinion. So for those who read my blog and dont like it...keep yo' ass moving. Ok? Dont write me talking about I cuss to much and I'm fake and all other bullshit. I mean why would you constantly come back to read what I have to say if you didnt like the first post. And...saying you dont like me? When YOU dont know me? Just because you read my shit dont mean you know me as a person, so kill that shit. Usually I would not take my time out to address bullshit ass people but the email was rude ass hell. You dont care for me and think I'm a silly bitch? Seriously...dude swear if I knew you at all...let me calm it down! Anywho...why do people that dont like what the hell I have to say come back and keep reading my shit? Just to complain about how much you hate me?...when you dont know me.! It's the first negative response verbalized to me about my blog through email! I should post their email, but I rather not. If you dont like my shit say it in a respectful tone...simply say I dont like how you conduct your blog...that is all, and take your ass on to the next. Anywho...I could care less if you dont like what I have to say..I mean this is my opinion on shit. You dont have to like it..dont mean I'm gone read it and have a breakdown or nothing.I mean who the fuck are you for me to really care? No one! Next time you want to insult my blog...keep it only about the blog. Dont refer to me as a silly bitch or attack my character as a person when you dont know me. Say what you got to say with out calling me out my damn name. Silly childish ass people! Ok...Rant over!Your 2 minutes of fame is up...! Sorry about that yall...I just hate when people think they KNOW me from my writting. No one KNOWS me but me...so keep that shit moving!
P.S- The game comes on tonight. Go Cowboys....[smh]
Ok, Toodles!

ElfYourself! :)

2009-12-18T04:45:00.000-06:00

Yo.
So...I can pretty much laugh at anything! i went to ElfYourself.com Need a cute laugh?...go make your own! lol! Enjoy mine with the people I mention most in this blog! :)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I'm silly I know..but I just thought this was too cute. Im sending one to my mom! Anywho...I'm still up after being so tired..smh...I'm going to bed fareal this time. Toodles!

TMi?...Naw, It's just an award! :x

2009-12-18T02:47:00.000-06:00

Yo.!
So.....I have ANOTHER award! Yes! Ya'll know how lazy I am and how I HATE following rules...BUT, I'm gone gone head and do this one right! Ok, SO I was given the award by two different bloggers. First given by the amazing Ms. Cook[.The Poet] over at Musik&Soul! Definitely love reading her post. Most of her poems hit home [& they are damn good poems!]--and her opinion on other things..is always a nice read! Secondly, Ms. Reese over at Sweet Insanity and Sarcasm! Always a pleasure to read [she told me I had to follow the rules..blah! lol]! Her take on things are quite interesting AND her tidbits of her life events..funny and enlightning to read.! Thank you ladies sooo much! If you arent already familiar with these two ladies run on over there[or click on over there..whatever]..and do that NOW!...Ok on to the Rules..blah! :)

TMI BLOG AWARD RULES:

*post the award on your blog
*list 8 things a voyeur / peeping tom could potentially catch you doing if they were watching you
*award up to 8 bloggers who match the criteria of this award
*make sure they know you enjoy peeping through their windows

8 Things a Voyeur/Peeping Tom could catch me doing--
.1 Singing my heart out to whatever slow song that pops up on my playlist! [Can't sing worth shit!]
.2 Shaking my ass around the room in very little OR nothing...love dancing although i never do it when im out unless im buzzed. Smh!
.3 Snapping photos of myself...I love taking pictures..and I love me..so why not?
.4 Painting...it really relaxes me![Love arts of all kinds!]
.5 On my laptop...Youtube, Twitter, Blogger, or Googling some strange question.
.6 Writting...have to keep my thoughts in order! And reading, LOVE reading!
.7 Watching some amazing pornstar do incredible tricks...hey just being real!
.8 [Probably the craziest one:] Umm, well...because i dont REALLY open up to anyone I talk quite often when I'm alone. Out loud. AND...I actually have a person from my past that I go to with all my problems and talk to them as if they are really there. My mind adds there response automatically[even their laugh]...crazy as shit right?...lol..Well I dont really care that you think I'm crazy...everyone has odd quirks to them. [Thats definitely only one of many!]

So...8 people fit for the award..what does that mean? Does it mean that I feel like they give me TMi in a good way?..or the ones I like to "peep" on the most?...Hmmm, since this is a TMi award. I'm going to pick 8 bloggers who could probably get me moist on their writting skills alone. [I mean that is the straightest way possible..lol :)!]

And the award goes to...
--Mae, Wifepoo, & A la belle etoille over at Chocolate For Aphrodite
--She Hate Me over at Blogs of the Invisible Soul
--Jennifer Wilmer over Inside JStar's Head
--Val over at Planet Pro-tron
--Mo over at Truthfully Mo
--Rippa over at The Intersection of Madness and Reality
--Ashante Lott over at .These words were made up
--Fabulo-la over at Me. And then some

Most of these being mostly poetry blogs! :) I LOVE poetry..pretty much obsessed with it and anyone who can write into my heart [or my panties ;)] I appreciate reading! & of course I'm giving it back to Cook and Reese! :)! See how I followed the rules to the tee?...Ya'll dont have to do that...AT ALL! lol, be lazy like me and just enjoy babes! Welcome new followers! :) ! Hope your learning things about me...I'm really not as weird as I sound...[I'm in denial] :)! Hmmm...had some things to discuss, but I'm too tired to try to type another post tonight. I'll do it in the morning...well whenever I decide to roll out of my bed tomorrow! Goodnight!

--Interrupting my regularly scheduled program--

2009-12-17T15:01:00.001-06:00

Yo.
So there is a new young lady to blogger. Her name is MzAuNatural-Beauty over at *Truth On The Rocks! U Ready?* Her sister posted a poem that she wrote and I would like everyone to go take there time out to read it! It's a wonderful piece! :)

A preview of HER poem:
Barbie Bitch

When I grow up

I wanna be ignorant.

I wanna answer to guys that approach me like

'yo shawty u real fly

and so wassup can I hit

I wanna be the ignant bitch,

you know the one that laugh and smile

and bite my bottom lip,

cuz I'm so happy that he treats me

just like the next chick.

But that’s all I can expect

Imitating girls like Nicki Minaj, Trina

And lil Kim,

I wanna be

Just like them!

WHEN I GROW UP I’M GONNA BE A FIVE STAR BITCH!!!

..............Go read the rest *here*! It's a wonderful piece! Go over and welcome and comment! Ok....I'll be back with a topic later on today! Until then....Toodles! :)

Just a bunch of Random ish...

2009-12-16T03:16:00.001-06:00

Yo.

So every time I have a profound topic to discuss I forget it before I actually get to the computer. Maybe I should actually start to use this mobile blogging...! I hate when I'm out and I'm like "Oooh, I am going to blog about this as soon as I get to my laptop"...and soon as I get there it disappears! Anywho this is just a bunch of random shit thrown into one post. First and foremost....Cowboys lost. *sigh*, and I know I'm not supposed to say this as a fan BUT...I have NO hope for Saturdays game. None whatsoever...I mean if you read my mind I think it’s pretty much impossible to beat the Saints right now for my boys...*sigh*, but anyone who asks out loud I'll say “I’m going for my boys...we can pull this shit off"Psshhh! Yea...that would be a greatly appreciated miracle...but best believe I'll have my ass in front of that screen. Confession: Saints are my 2nd favorite team EVER. Definitely can’t wait for this game. Anywho...so I'm watching TV and I’m just wondering how does some of this shit get sold. Example: Chia Pets, Bump it's, Snuggies. Chia Pets...dude c'mon. Those things are hella old and super creepy...why are they still on the market. Smh. And those silly bump it’s...those commercials fuck those girls hair up. Seriously, everybody isn’t meant to have "body" in their hair. And Snuggies? Ughh...let me not start with those silly things. Smh!

Soooo...I've been knitting for like the past few hours. Lol, I always think it’s an old people thing. But it’s quite addicting. I learned how to knit in the 8th grade...and totally love it. :). My cousin came over today and he was like “What the hell? Sooooo, you knit now." "[*Laughter*] Yes. I'm just trying to...." "...Not be a nigga! You just trying to take all the nigga out of you." lol...wtf kind of statement is that to make. I mean really...who says shit like that! ....Welcome new followers! :) ! I appreciate you joining me! I love blogging! I always try to get everyone I know to start a blog. Like I'm getting paid to recruit bloggers. Lol, I think everyone should have a blog as an outlet...! They always say "I'm not a writer though"...and who ever said you have to be a "writer" to have a blog?! Believe it or not, I'm a really good writer. I hardly ever show it through this blog...but when it comes to important shit...I do well! :)! English/Writing is has always been my favorite subject. Worse? Everything else! Ughhh. Math, Science...even History! It's all too boring or too hard. I hate numbers. I love words. Oh, tonight I cooked Broccoli, cheese, chicken, and rice casserole for the first time ever. It was delicious! I love cooking, its calms me! Tomorrow I’m trying chicken spaghetti! :)!

I did a little Christmas shopping today. Mostly for the babies in my life though. I have 14 MORE people on my list. That’s RIDICULOUS! Idk how my list got so long. My mother already gave me half of my Christmas money. She asked did I want an iPhone. I was sooo happy she asked because I REALLY want one. BUT...I rather have more clothes. I need more scarfs, hats, and boots! She bought me two coats today. Too old for that?...Never! :)! I hate when people send me text saying “Hey stranger."...clearly I’m not responding to your text for a reason...and sending that is surely not going to help you out! Ugh, I’ve received some of the DUMBEST texts this week. Dudes can be too stupid! ...When should you tell your child that Santa doesn’t exist? I mean...at what age is too old to still believe in Santa. I told my mother she needs to let my sister know the business. Let her know that that fat old wrinkled white guy is not just that damn generous to give strangers gifts. ESPECIALLY since my mother spends wayyy too much on that lil girl for Christmas I mean when did Santa start bringing people all that expensive ass shit on her "wish list". She's sooo spoiled, but then again people say I was spoiled. Hell, they say I'm still spoiled. I do depend on my mother for mostly everything though...so I guess she did spoil me growing up! Ok...way too much random shit in one post...I'll be back tomorrow with something to talk about! Until then...toodles! :)

Sick of Award post?...Sorry I cant help it :)!

2009-12-12T22:20:00.001-06:00

Yo.
So....I received another award! :) Yahh! This lovely award was given to me by the wonderful Keenya over at Golden Mind! She is HILARIOUS! Seriously. She doesnt blog as much as I would like to read...but I do love her writtings when she posts! :) If you havent checked her out...Gone head and do that NOW! & Follow her on twitter...good entertainment.. :)! Anywho, I'm lazy and hate following rules! But, This time I'll try to switch it up...give it to some new bloggers or ones I find just off the wall different! :) So babies dont feel offended if I dont award you.Ok, I'm timing myself to see how long I take to do this post. Following the rules..which include awarding 7 people with the award...and telling 7 facts about me! :) Ok, so here goes.
7 Random Facts about me:

I recently realized I'm a tad bit stuck up. I know I shouldnt look at people and think they are beneath me...but I do sometimes. So sue me?..I'm workin' on it! Promise!
I love feeling useful. Like helping people out with things...I makes me feel so good.
I'm REALLY mean. And a tad bit psychotic! I got it from my mother...I like to think Im a little less crazy than she is! :)
This whole not havin' sex thing....pshhh, shit starting to seriously fuck with my mind! Yea, Im pretty sure I will be considered an "addict" in the future. Pretty damn sure! :)
I'm frustrated with this whole going natural thing already. My edges get ridiculous. But I have to keep tellin myself that I can do this! [Tips & stuff would be greatlt accepted! :)]
I always think Im better when Im not in a relationship..but I'm pretty sure its when I'm in one. But being single has really helped me evaluate and better myself! :)!
Black is my favorite color! Purple is my secondary!

Re-reading the rules from her page..I totally did that wrong. Was supposed to tell 7 things I love...well that took 12 minutes...so oh well! lol, Random facts are better! :)

Ok...and finally the award goes to :
Moe over at You know you dead azz wrong
With love___starz over at with love,starz
Chanel over at The Rainbow Room
Simone and Cynthia over at The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
Enigma Jones over at Life and Times of a Trifling Chick
Jennifer Wilmer over at Inside JStar's Head
Leila over at Black Girl With Long Hair

It's soo many other Kreative blogs but it took me 1hour and 30 minutes to do this whole post. Smh, then it actually disappered..I was efinetly about to flip the hell out! lol..anywho Enjoy. You dont have to follow the rules or none of that nonsense! Thanks for following me everyone! :) Until next time...Toodles! :)

I just dont understand...

2009-12-11T21:12:00.000-06:00

Yo.

So this situation is really bothering me. I mean it's not my situation but I just can’t wrap my mind around the whole thing. SO...I'm going to share a personal story. Maybe too personal for a blog?...but here goes. So I have a guy cousin. This guy cousin who happens to be gay. There is a story behind it all...or at least where it all started. And sadly it starts in our family. When my guy cousin, we'll call him Dre,...so when Dre was younger [about 4 or 5] one of my MUCH older cousins started to molest him. A cousin who also happens to be male...but doesn’t claim to be gay. He molested him for about 3-4 years. Sick...right? Dre decided to keep quiet about this issue until about 3 years ago. And even then he didn’t make it public. His mother overheard him talking on the phone to my sister about someone in our family touching him...asking whether he should say something or not. And from there...things got crazy. It came out that our older cousin was taking him in one of my great-grandmothers backrooms and...Well yea. We all were basically raised in that house...while our parents were in their partying phase. Anywho when my aunt found out, my mother was the first person she called. And it went from there. My mother let the rest of the family know, everyone was outraged. I found out while I was out one night...ruined my whole night and I was definitely ready to find and cut that nasty ass nigga up. Yea...it's that serious. So were my mother, my grandmother, and my sister. [Notice I didn’t say my aunt--his mother!] Someone let him know that he was being looked for...so he went into hiding for a while. My mother put up flyers EVERYONE...our homemade child molester flyers with his picture on it. Later...he had the nerve to show up at a family gathering. When he did all hell broke loose. My granny pulled out her gun and they had to calm her down. She was cussing all types of things at him.[Oh, P.S- My family is hella crazy!] After they calmed her down my mother confronted him. Asking why the fuck he bothered to show up...seeing as to how he wasn’t family and how he was dead to her. And he started popping off at the mouth talking shit sayin he aint do shit and he gone go where he want to. Why he tried that woman...well I have no clue. She came after him with a long metal pipe. She started calling him all types of names and got one good hit with the pipe across his back. He took off running with my momma on his ass. My sister jumped up and so did I ready to help. And everyone else in my family grabbed my mother and told him to leave. My mom was pissed wondering why the hell that let him get away. She had plans...he would definitely not be alive it were up to her. Or me! Smh! I think that’s some dirty nasty ass shit. Done right under my nose to one of my closest cousins. No...We were definitely out for blood. Now let me rewind...that same nasty ass nigga who molested him had molested one of my female cousins around the time he was messing with Dre. She was older [14or15]; she told my mother after it happened twice. They locked the doors in my great grannys house and let all my older men cousin whoop his ass something severe...damn near killing him. And after a while...somehow he had got back good with the family until Dre's story came out. So he did it before...!

Now the situation itself is sick...but the fact that after all of this Dre's mother can hate him baffles my mind. After the story and all the drama she became a total bitch to him. I mean she did some hardcore shit...she hated, correction...she hates him. With a passion and there is nothing you can tell me to change my mind. She started calling him all types of faggots, gay nasty niggas, and all other types of shit. She started treating him like an outcast...and I just don’t like that shit. Recently his younger sister was complaining to my aunt about how Dre never talks to her and blah blah blah. When they have NEVER had a sister/brother relationship. NEVER! Anywho when they started to discuss it in detail his mother said its hurting his sister that they don’t talk...and she said another reason his sister was probably hurting was the fact that he was gay. She said “Even though it’s not discussed that’s another reason. It's affecting her and me...it’s not just affecting you...What you do affects us too." She said this yelling of course. And when she asked his sister was that the reason that lil wanch had the nerve to shake her head yea. I mean what the fuck does that have to do with them at this point?...I'm pissed that she is treating him like this and that she has SUCH a huge issue with him being gay when SHE was the one who actually grabbed my mother so she wouldn’t hit his molester again. SHE protected him. What the fuck type of shit is that? I mean really she lost all my respect I once had for her. She treats him like it’s his fault.[When I have a child] If my child were to come out and tell me they were gay, I'd be perfectly fine with it. It's just their lifestyle. I would never disown my child for it nor treat them worse. NEVER. AND if my child told me a family member molested them best believe my number one priority would be to find a way to kill that nigga and get away with it.! I just don’t understand where her mind possibly is to be acting this way...and I don’t like it. Anywho until next time...Toodles!

Another Award? ...They really love me :)!

2009-12-11T03:31:00.001-06:00

Yo.
Hello lovlies! :)So...as you can see I got another award! About a week ago..I'm late, so sue me?lol! Anywho..I was awarded this award by two lovely bloggers. The first was the wonderful Supastarrr over at Supastarrr, the co-ed! She is definitely one of my favorite bloggers! I loveeee her blog! :) It is hilarious and its always wonderful to see her point of view. The other was a recent discovery. The lovely Ms. Leiominala over at Leiomi Nala's Corner! [How do you prononce your name ma'am?]! I love her blog as well. On it she shares a lot of random tidbits. Some cute,funny, and just entertaining things! So if you havent checked these two lovely's out...Do so NOW! :)

And the award goes to....................*DRUMROLL*
Neesh B. Fly over at The Real Dish
Sylvia over at Photography by Me
Khaki over at Not All Baltimore Chicks are Stupid [My cousin was outraged I gave this award..based on your Nikki Minaj post..lol He is a die hard fan. Yes, HE! :)]
Ro over at Love, Faith and Hope
Juicy Carter over at Juicy Carter
Keenya over at Golden Mind
E Dot Dizzy over at E Dot Dizzy
Lalaliybean over at DESSERT or disaster
She Hate Me over at Blogs of the Invisible Soul
Ashante Lott over at .These words were made up
Cook The Poet over at Musik&Soul
Secretia over at Secret Story Time
her. over at A swirl of My World
Darling Nikky& Kia Poison over at Tasteless Diamonds

AND of coarse back to Supastarr and Leiomi Nala!
There are rules to this award and I honestly hate following the rules. It takes forever. This post took me about 2 hour to complete..maybe Im slighly off?lol..who knows...anywho ya'll dont have to follow the rules. Just enjoy! :)
Thanks to all my wonderful followers. Thanks for taking the time out to read my thoughts..I really do love and appreciate you all! :) ok..Toodles!

Dear Cowboys:

2009-12-06T20:04:00.001-06:00

Yo.
I'm tired. Really tired. I'm in my room....studying! It's finals week. & all I have is one more day of this..and I'm out of here. SO I'll be spending my night studying until I fall asleep. I just HAD to do this post really quick. If you dont like football, this is probably going to bore the hell out of you...Sorry?! Anywho As most of you have read...I'm a HUGE Dallas Cowboys fan! I'm one of those die-hard fans. And tonight...tonight I almost let them go. We had a game against the Giants. Smh, I had all kinds of big hopes for us. The score was 24-31. Obviously not in our favor. I wouldnt be so sad about it really if....our next two games werent killer. I can honestly say for the first time all season I have some serious doubts in how these games are going to go. Would you like to know who the competition is?...The Chargers & The Undefeated Saints. [*sigh*] I can only try to remain hopeful for them.

Dear Cowboys:

Tonight...Tonight I was extremly dissapointed in you boys. I watched the game in extreme anticipation for you to do well. And well....you failed to do so. I am tired of constantly having my heart strings tugged by you guys. One week you do well, and the other yall start to pull silly stunts. [*sigh*]. Don't get me wrong, i understand we win some ,we lose some. ANd we have lost 4 this season. Which isnt bad.You know I just want the best for you guys..right? I just want to see my babies succeed.These upcoming games might be a little tough, but regardless I am going to put my heart back on the line for you all. Practice hard, stay focused..and be SMART. Can you do that for me...please? Ok...Well, Good Luck babies. I know you can do this.

Love, Robyn

Yes....it's that serious..! Anywho i need to get back to studying. I received 2 more awards :)! I'm reallly happy about this. I'll do this post after all my tests tomorrow to accept and thank them. TOODLES! :)

Just another Simple Bitch & Her Barbie Idolization!

2009-12-03T03:37:00.003-06:00

Yo.
So I just wanted to share my fb "debate " with this girl. She made a status that said :
::: Y iS EVERY1 HAtiNG ON BARBiE??? LASt tiME i CHECKED SHE HAD HER OWN HOUSE, HER OWN CAR & A CAREER. SHE'S iNDEPENDENt. & SiNCE WHEN DiD BEiNG PLAStiC BECOME A BAD tHiNG??? PLAStiC iS COLD & HARD. U NEED tHOSE QUALitiES N tHiS WORLD. HMMM...MAYBE UR HAtiNG BECUZ U'LL NEVER B COMPARED 2 A BARBiEDOLL. [*DOLL DOMiNAtiON*]
And yes...I felt the need to comment and answer her question. i felt compelled to share my opinion. I am copying and pasting the debate below. And to keep her identity concealed I've changed her name to Simple Barbie Bitch! :) Enjoy!

RoByn VaLentine: ...Because being a doll is superficial. Being compared to one is not a compliment. Barbies are just toys...toys that can be used and tossed away when the person matures. Plastic is easy to destroy as well!
[She deleted a post here it said : I have to disagree. Barbie is a good role model.]
RoByn VaLentine: Maybe for a child. For a grown woman..No, she is not. Barbie has no struggles...no failure to learn from. Just things that are given to her. That isnt the way things work..and mature women should look up to women who have worked harder to achieve a name ...besides aspiring to be like a plastic doll!
Simple Barbie Bitch: & tHAt GiVES U tHE RitE 2 HAtE ON HER??? i tHiNK NOt. & PLAStiC iS GREAt...itS DURABLE & VERSAtiLE. itS StRONGER tHAN GLASS. itS WHAtEVER U NEED it 2 B.
Simple Barbie Bitch: JUSt BECUZ U iDENtiFY WitH BARBiE DOESNt MEAN U LiVE iN A FANtASY WORLD. i HAVE MY StRUGGLES BUt i'M StiLL iNDEPENDENt, PREttY & PLAStiC. NO MAttER WHAt U CANt tAKE tHAt FROM ME. WHEN i tHiNK OF BARBiE i DONt SAY 'O i WANt tHE EASY WAY OUt. i WANNA B LiKE A CHiLDS tOY.' i REMEMBER EVERYtHiNG SHE StOOD 4 WHEN i WAS YOUNGER. WOMEN CAN B ANYtHiNG tHEY SEt tHEiR MiND 2.
RoByn VaLentine: lol. I dont understand how people can "hate" on a plastic childs toy. People express their dislike for the way tht women aspire to be like a toy...not necessarily "hating on" barbie.! She has her own house,car, career...because it was handed to her, she was made like that. It's all unrealistic. I just dont get why grown women want to be like a child's toy. A toy that the child speaks for, dresses, moves,...and grows out of. I just dont get the fascination.
Simple Barbie Bitch: WHEN PPL SAY 'UGH BARBiE tHiS, BARBiE tHAt' tHEYRE HAtiNG. WHEN REALLY tHEY SHOULD B EXPRESSiNG DiSLiKE4 tHE GiRLS WHO CALL tHEMSELVES DOLLS BUt HAVE NONE OF tHE CHARACtERiStiCS (PHYSiCAL R OtHERWHiSE)....MAYBE iF MORE PPL HAD ROLE MODELS LiKE BARBiE tHEY WOULD B N COLLEGE R WORKiNG tOWARD A CAREER iNStEAD OF DOiNG NOtHiNG WitH tHEiR LiVES. i DONt EVEN WANNA KNOW WHO tHEiR ROLE MODELS R. i JUSt DONt UNDERStAND HOW U CAN B UPSEt tHAt ANY1 ASPiRES 2 B LiKE HER.
RoByn VaLentine:lol. Because she is not real. Wanting to be a barbie is really a superficial shallow thing. Because if a WOMAN has a career, a job, a home all on her own and is not Barbies size,complextion, have perfect hair...what does that make her? Just another sucessful woman that young women should look up to. A woman who has actually worked for hers..a REAL woman. && In all reality no one looks like Barbie but Barbie. Barbies dont come in ALL colors, or all sizes. Barbies porportions are impossible to gain...Barbie doesn't talk, she lives in a box...she can be purchased for about $20 dollars! But grown women want to be like her?Smh. Women dont go to college saying " I want to be a Barbie...let me go to college and get an education." They have better REAL role models in their life. Ones that actually can tell a story and exude sucess.!
RoByn VaLentine: & being "Pretty and Plastic" can ALWaYS FADE! ALWAYS be easily taken away. Although I dont know why anyone would want to be plastic either..is it not good enough to be made of flesh? Not good enough to find real women to look up to?
Simple Barbie Bitch: BARBiES NOt A REAL PERSON...AND??? itS WHAt SHE StANDS 4. iF SOME1 CANt C tHE MEtAPHOR N tHAt R N BEiNG PLAStiC tHEN i'M NOt EVEN GONNA GO tHERE. itS tHE DEEPER MEANiNG. BUt HEY! SOME PPL ONLY BELiEVE N & LEARN FROM WHAtS CONCREtE, WHiLE OtHERS CAN APPRECiAtE tHE ABStRACt. it iS WHAt it iS.
RoByn VaLentine: Lol. I understand the "metaphor"..It's just soooooo many flaws in it! But like you said "it is what it is"! Keep believing, "Barbie"! :)
Simple Barbie Bitch: ALWAYS. :-)

See how nice I was to this girl?! I wanted to call her a simple bitch sooooooo bad! Anywho, Im sick of this Barbie shit...really! Grown ass women trying to be Barbie need to kill that shit and grow the fuck up! Ughh..and that's my opinion on that. Until next time, Toodles!

Don't go snooping...you bound to find some shit!

2009-12-02T08:44:00.000-06:00

Yo.

So, I pretty much deserted my blog for a week. But it's ok...I'm back now! :) I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving! Anywho I'm up early listening to a local radio station for their PPP [People Power Pole]! A woman sent in a question saying: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and he left his cell phone in my car and I went through his text messages. I saw several texts between him and a female who he invited over to his place for breakfast. [It's been about 3 months]I haven't said anything to him about it because I know I was wrong for snooping but it’s all bothering me. Power listeners, Should she confront her boyfriend about his text messages to other women?

So I'm probably gone make some people mad on this one...but really who cares! :)! Sooo, I don’t honestly give a shit if she confronts him. I'm more worked up about the first part of her statement. "He left his cell phone in my car and I went through his text messages.”! .....Dumb bitch. Most women agree on going through their men's cell phones and shit. They say their supposed to trust him enough to go through it and not find anything. But if you snooping in the first place...really, where is the trust?! I don’t agree with going through your boyfriend/girlfriends cell phones behind their back. In fact...I hate when people do that shit. I hate when people tell me “Well I went through his phone, and I found out he was texting some bitch calling her "baby" and "boo"" and all that other dumb bullshit. Like the saying goes if you go looking for drama....shit you gone find some. Regardless. So why even put yourself in that situation? Why put yourself in the position to possibly be hurt because of your secret trust issues. Just because the phone is sitting there does not give you the privilege to snoop through his shit. I understand he is in the wrong as well...because well she actually found some dirt. [If you gone do dirt in a relationship make sure you cover all those damn tracks...even the ones damn near invisible. Erase the inbox, sent box, deleted messages...hell even the draft. Erase all history! ] Anywho...I’m not focusing on the man because if the woman didn’t go through his phone she wouldn’t even be in her situation. She should have kept her nosey ass woman’s intuition to herself...ESPECIALLY if she wasn’t gone do shit about it. She went through his phone 3 months ago! 3 fuckin' months ago and still aint said shit to this dude. But it’s bothering her? Bitch please...if you bold enough to go through his shit you might as well gone head and cause a scene right then and there. And end the shit. End it so it won’t be "bothering you" three months later.
I will not let guys that I date go through my text messages. WILL NOT. I always establish in the beginning how silly I think it is to go through people cell phones. They always agree at the time and say they feel the same. But then when the relationship changes they want to be all in my shit. ! And that's a no no. That’s a hell no. And they always get mad when I will not let them go through my phone. Always think I'm hiding something... [Oh I always keep my shit locked so it’s no sneaking behind my back and checking my text messages and other nonsense.]! But I'm never hiding anything...just trying to avoid drama at all cost necessary. Prime Example to why I don’t let guys I date go through my shit: I was with an ex boyfriend one day after school. Senior year. He was holding my phone and I didn’t notice that it was unlocked. I was talking to him not even realizing he was browsing through my phone. Now I wasn’t gone flip out or anything because like I said he wasn’t gone find any REAL dirt. While he had the phone a guy friend of mine texts me. “So what you doing?"....Innocent text. [I was in no way interested in the guy textin my phone...we were just cool. Funny ass dude!] So he flips out. Why is [insert name here]--he knew the dude, he went to school with us--texting you? I'm like wtf? You know we cool...I can't help who text me shit. He was mad...thought I was talking to dude. So he sent back “I’m with my boyfriend [insert bf's name here]. I love him so much."...Um, dude seriously? Why feel that insecure. Another incident happened like that as well but it said “What’s up boo?"! Now I can’t help wtf these niggas decide to text me. So I just keep my phone to myself. One time my ex confiscated it...because I wouldn’t let him go through it on an earlier occasion. SO he confiscated my phone when I left the room. I noticed soon as I walked back in the room but didn’t say anything. I was going to let him go through it, if he found an “What’s up sexy?"...that’s his fault. I wasn’t doing any wrong. And he gave it back 20 minutes later and said “Here I was going to go through it...but I might be hurt if I found something. And I'm not gone do that to myself." I was like...ok, dude think I'm cheating just because I wouldn’t let him snoop in my phone the first time. No...! I just don’t want arguments started over niggas that mean NOTHING to me because they decide to add "boo", "baby”, “sexy", and all that other lame shit to the end of their casual texts.
ANYWHO back to the woman's problem. After 3 months, no I don’t think she should confront him. She should have done that shit 3 months ago. Leave that shit alone. You still there...so either leave or deal with it. Get her insecure ass somewhere and sit down. People do dumb shit. Don’t snoop and you won’t find shit. It’s like when dumb brauds go and hack their boyfriends’ facebook account...and read all the shit and go crazy when they find a flirting inbox message. Smh at yo dumb ass....shouldn’t have been looking for anything. & Smh at his dumb ass for not covering shit up. People are saying "Well she wouldn’t have known he was pursuing other women if she didnt go through his phone." Well...if her ass aint doing shit but sitting idle anyway, she didn’t need to know! DONT GO THROUGH PEOPLES SHIT! [Especially if you know yo NIGGA is dumb and isn’t going to cover his tracks]Ok, this is a long rant....Ladies; Men...Tell me what you think. Until next time...Toodles!

Happy Turkey Day! :)

2009-11-25T23:31:00.000-06:00

Yo.

So, right now I’m in between cooking turkeys and 3 dishes of cornbread. Yummy! Oh how I LOVE cooking. I never really realized how much it calms me; it’s like a stress reliever. Anywho, today I've been sooo busy. Don’t you hate when you’re preparing for an event and you do all your shopping early just to avoid the packed stores...and still end up having to go when the lines are around the fuckin' corner. Ughhh, that's definitely how I felt today, at Wal-Mart...Too many people getting their shit all late when I have 2 things in my hand. Then people look like they be ready to fight over the last of shit...Smh.
So people always ask that same question every thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? I never do the whole “What am I thankful for question?"... I mean I honestly don’t even think Thanksgiving should be a holiday based on the circumstances that it came about. However I do love spending it with my extended family; I love huge family gatherings!
While I'm sitting here waiting for my cornbreads to brownen [If that’s even a word] I wonder why people lie about being in love with someone. Someone asked me “SO you've never lied about loving someone? Ever?" And I was appalled that they even asked. I quickly answered no, why would anyone do shit like that. Why would you lie about loving someone? Then I realized...hmm, yea I definitely have. But I didn’t know I was lying at the time. Meaning I thought I was in love with this guy when I kept telling him I loved him. When really I was in love with what he could do for me...not so much him. In fact I started to find him very annoying, but the fact that he did whatever I wanted...I loved it. No questions asked [Which I totally hate now, people need to have minds of their own]. Hmm, I feel bad for letting him think I cared that much about him...but it wasn’t intentional. What about the people who do it intentionally. Knowing damn well they have no feeling of love but saying "I love you" just to string the other person along; just to fuck with their mind. Why do that? A guy told me he used to throw the words around because that’s the quickest way to get a girl to give her ALL...by bringing love into the equation. He said the girl becomes easier...it's a "leg spreader". Why mess with emotions just to get a little pussy though? That pisses me off sooo much. People do some dirty ass shit...and fucking with someone’s emotions hurts more than physical pain if you ask me. Anywho let me get back to my food!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving! Eat plenty of food and have plenty of family time!

Until next time...Toodles!

Just Wondering...

2009-11-24T02:38:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Today...well today taught me never to take Nyquil and doctor prescriptions together. Lol. I slept for around 19 hours...and when I woke up I swore it was around noon. Wrong, I woke up at 9:00...p.m! Missed 2 classes and still feel like hell. But I digress. Thanks for all the wonderful "Get Well" wishes. I really do appreciate it. I made my blog rounds, some of you post 2 million things a day making it IMPOSSIBLE for me to catch up..lol! But even if I dont comment on EVERYthing, know that I do read EVERY blog I follow! The blogs I follow are like a replacement to my TV. They keep me caught up on current events AND keep me highly entertained! Anywho...today I was just thinking a few things over, and wondering is what I'm doing a waste of time.

Have you ever wished you could get a glimpse of your future life? Not to be older or anything....but to see how certain things work out. Like when you start a relationship and wonder if this is going to be the one...do you ever wish you had a glimpse just to see if he'd be in that future of yours?! Or a glimpse to make sure that what you’re doing gets you to where you want to be. To make sure that you become someone...! I wish I could have a glimpse, a glimpse to where I’m completely stable/graduated college/started a career/ and possibly a family. But I guess having that glimpse would make things easy...or maybe more difficult. If you had a chance to see your future would you take it? That question is similar to “If you had a chance to know the exact date you die...would you want to know?"! My answer to that would have to be No. I'd obsess with things I need to get done before that date and my life would be on a complete time schedule. I'd surely stress myself out trying to squeeze it all in. Every second would be life changing...and when that day came. I'd surely go crazy and have a COMPLETE breakdown. Maybe if I had a glimpse into my future I'd be the same. I'd change what I was doing to compensate with whatever it is I saw. Hmmm...It's best that I make my mistakes and slowly learn from them. Its best that I grow, things are best the way they are...No premonitions needed! Ok, just a daily off the wall thought. What about you all. If you had the chance to see a glimpse of your future...would you take it? OR... If someone knew the EXACT date you'd die, would you want them to tell you?! Why or Why not...Until next time babes, Toodles!

Quick Weekend Recap

2009-11-22T22:41:00.001-06:00

Yo.

Quick little weekend update...so that I won’t feel like I’m deserting my blog.

Wow, I'm at 50 followers! I'm soooo happy! Hello new followers! :)! Welcome to my crazy highly opinionated blog. Ok, so this Weekend was pretty good. Went home, spent time with the family. I saw New Moon with my sister and best friends. Reem was being her normal self---Ally was being bi-polar; which I guess is her normal self. The movie was off the fuckin' chain. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it I suggest you go watch it. Damn good movie. And Taylor with his fine ass...Mmmm, shit I'd take him over Robert P. any day. Anywho...Oh before we went to the movies, we stopped by McDonald's. We were sitting down eating and I was applying lip gloss. My sister asks "Is that the lip gloss that broke out that boy [my ex]" and I say "Nope, it was the cover girl lip gloss"...and Karimah says “Broke him out where...On his penis?"! When I say I was beyond shocked that she just said this in front of my little sister who I DO NOT discuss my sex life or the existence of one to--it is an understatement. I was like " What the fuck...No, on his mouth."! I was sooo uncomfortable...but I'm laughing so hard about it now. Anywho over the weekend some form of sickness has attacked my ass. I don’t really know what it is...but I feel like death. Ughhh. I’m having like heat flashes...while my body is shivering and stuff. And my head is pounding...Ughhh, I better be better before Thanksgiving. For once I'm actually sleepy. I don’t usually sleep at night...because I can't, my body usually won’t allow me...but I guess this medicine has me drowsy. Ok, life story. Oh yea...hvae I mentioned Im a HUGE Cowboys fan?! I dont think I have...! We took another win today [barely], but a win is a win! Anywho.I hope yall's weekend went great. I have to make my blog rounds and catch up with you all tomorrow! I should be back to my shit talking self tomorrow. Until then...Toodles!

" Yea babe, you can fuck my best friend! " <--- PART 2!!! [Guest Blogger]

2009-11-20T14:26:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Ok, so the story on the post below is missing some parts that I didnt mention. And because of that I will post it from the sorce's opinion! She has the words directly from Amanda's mouth. So, From the voice of Reem -My bestie- ::
*[My Commentary will be bracketed and shaded like such!]*

Sharing is definitely not caring…..It’s nasty as hell! Ladies Rule #1 of the Girl Code: Don’t fuck your friend’s ex, boo, plaything, dick on the side (I think that’s the same as plaything) etc.! It’s just nasty as hell! [Nasty and trashy as hell!] Now a few people who know my situation might call me a hypocrite for sayin this. a couple of years ago, I broke the rule and I started talking to this guy that my friend was also talking to…but had I felt that he and I didn’t have a connection I NEVER would’ve talked to him! Anywho me and the girl are on cordial terms...blah blah whatever! [Lol, they situation was way different from this bullshit ass fuckery…I promise!]Now back to the topic! Here’s the scenario: Andre texted Amanda and pretty much said, “Is it ok if I fuck your best friend Yoyo?” Amanda replied, “Sure go ahead!” Now in my mind Amanda’s response was this: “Sure you can fuck my friend I don’t have any morals and she’s a hoe so you might get lucky!” [Lmao, couldnt have put it better myself!]Now a little history on Andre&Amanda they fucked around for a while about a year ago and Amanda had feelings for him, she was even about to fight her “friend” Shannon for getting “drunk” and fucking him! Shannon and her got over it and she continued to fuck Andre….Smh, these hoes today. So you guys can imagine how shocked I was to find out that she gave Yoyo and Andre permission to fuck! IN THE SAME DAMN HOUSE! Her excuse was that she no longer had feelings for Andre and he could do as he pleased! In my opinion a man is only going to do what you allow him to do! So if she says yea you can fuck my friend, he’s gonna pull his dick out and get to work! Now Yoyo was completely wrong! When Amanda came to her with this she should’ve said no I will not fuck him…I don’t get down like that! She protested for a few minutes before eventually giving in…Smh….stupid hoe! [Meaning Amanda actually talked her best friend into sleeping with her ex…wtf? I didn’t think it was possible for these hoes to get dumber.] Also in my opinion Yoyo probably wanted to fuck him from the very beginning! Now a hoe is gonna be a hoe! So if Amanda said it was ok then I guess she thought it was ok. No matter how many ways you flip the story, well Amanda said it was ok, he was just a piece of dick to her, he’s to blame, blah blah everybody was in the wrong! I believe that Amanda and Yoyo have serious self-esteem issues! I mean telling your friend she can fuck your old dick on the side is not ok! Definitely not! And agreeing to fuck your friend’s dick on the side means that you have low self-esteem and you need your ass whooped! [Girl let this had been me and you, we would have been two knocking bitches!] I don’t care if his dick was 9 inches and he had a double-jointed tongue! NO NO NO! UGH! Amanda has a problem with talking about how good her sex partner’s sex game is! If you know your friend is a hoe, don’t tell her how good your man is licking and deep stroking the kitty! She’s only going to wonder how it would feel to have him do the same things to her! [Ladies that don’t already have common sense enough to know this, this is some real ass shit...keep it between you and him if ya girl is a hoe!]These girls definitely don’t live by the girl code! Yoyo needs to go to the gynecologist and get tested! (NO WALLS) [Hell yeah, She one of the bitches that could go on a shopping spree if she had a dollar for every nigga that done hit.]She is most definitely goin' goin' gone guys….i know this for a fact! [If yall don’t know, when a girl is goin', she's a hoe fuckin with a lot of niggas!!& to think me and that trick were fucking the same guy for a LONG as time, Smh I need to slap my damn self.]Sigh….Amanda needs to get a grip on reality…Sharing is not caring…it only causes more problems…even though she said she was ok with it….deep down she probably isn’t! [If she truly is ok with it something wrong with her ass…well something deeper than her OBVIOUS issues!]Andre…well he needs to get his ass tested too! [Ughhh, definitely...I hope they used some damn condoms.]And he better not even think to ask her if he can play with my kitty! DISMISSED! BLOOP! Thank you guys for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Kisses!

[LMAO, I love how she put this whole thing! Best friends think alike. Dismissed. Bloop! Lmao! Thoughts and Comments knowing the added information?! ]

" Yea babe, you can fuck my best friend! "

2009-11-19T23:18:00.002-06:00

Yo.
Ok, so I was really about to take a MUCH needed nap...but I got some shit to say. Ok, this isn’t my usual rant on shit I see on facebook/YouTube/other blogs...etc. Nope, this is some real life bullshit. Ok. So there are these two girls I went to school with. [I've known them since middle school and elementary] These girls are....wait, since this is real life shit I have to use "codenames" for these silly ass brauds-YoYo and Amanda-. Ok, so these two girls are friends. Like close knit friends, they even live together. Yea it's that serious. So one is skinny as hell and the other...well she aint. So for the sake of their identity well call the skinny one YoYo, and the other one Amanda. Ok so dig this, YoYo fucked Amanda's ex boo last night. We will call him Andre....! And that’s not even the part I’m really concerned about...there is more. Amanda told Andre he could fuck Yoyo and Yoyo agreed. [Giving this nigga permission to fuck her Best friend] Shocked yet...well it gets worse. Andre and Yoyo fucked in the house [where Amanda also resides] and she could hear them fucking...........!

Bruh [I don’t even use that word] that’s some dumb ass messy bullshit.
Anyone who doesn’t have a problem with some bullshit ass fuckery like this is just out of their damn mind. What the fuck is up with these bitches. I mean...Hold on, let me give you a little background on Andre and Amanda. They were doing their thing for a long while. She had feelings about him or whatever...but yall know, some shit just don’t work out. But they remain cool. Now last year one of Amanda’s other close friends, we will call her Shannon, fucked Andre too. Amanda didn’t give her "permission" and was furious at first when she found out...but quickly accepted it and marked it off as nothing. [She and Shannon are still close as ever...if not closer!]What the fuck? Dude seriously what the hell is wrong with yo ass to associate with hoes [YES HOES] who would fuck your ex-boo thang. Even with permission? So basically Andre done fucked 2 of your closest friends and yo dumb silly ass. I understand if dude was JUST dick...did I just lie like that? Yea...I wouldn’t understand it even if he was just eatin her pussy. You don’t go " Aye he was only eatin me, we can all share that fye ass head." Hell naw bitch.
Let's switch this whole thing to if I were Amanda. Number one: Shannon would have been cut. You aint gone fuck with my ex and try to be my best friend. No ma'am, and when I ask yo ass about it you lie to my face until wayyy later on. Bitch please! Shannon would know not to speak two words to my ass EVER again in life. Grimy bitch. Next: If Andre asked me permission to fuck one of my BEST friends...his ass would have got cut. No. First his ass would have got laughed at [Giving him a chance to correct his mistake by pretending to laugh with me and say he was "just playin"]! Ooooweee, if ya'll knew how truly disgusted I am about the whole little messy situation. Anywho after I cut his ass or he corrected his mistake then that would be it. It wouldnt have been no "Yoyo fucking Andre while I can hear them" situation. What does Amanda possibly think of her friends? what the fuck do her friends think of her? Grimey ass bitches sharing niggas....its way to many dicks in this world for that nonsense! Like fareal! What makes this ok with them? They can all sit around and compare how good or how garbage Andre dick is. Aw yea that’s cool? Where the fuck they do that at? Andre getting the best of the situation...wonder how he feels when he walks in a room with them, knowing he done fucked 3 bestfriends. [& shit if I were Andre, if they let me--I'd do the same shit...Smh at myself, I'd be one triflin ass nigga]
Clearly, I don’t think to highly of these girls. I mean they cool...to party with, but as actual friends...yea I don’t think any of them really know the definition of a friend. Or if they have ever had a real one. Because I know for a fact real friends don’t pull bullshit as moves like that. Now me and Yoyo have history. Terrible unwanted history that proves just how much she doesn’t know what "a friend" is. Silly ass. !
[I typed this way earlier today...waiting for an anonymous source to give her quotes so that I could insert her opinion..but she never did, Smh...!]
So..is this ok? Would you ever give your best friend permission to sleep with your ex? Or...if your bestfriend slept with your ex behind your back, Would ya'll still be friends?...Thoughts and comments! Ok, Until next time.Toodles.

You wanna put that WHERE?

2009-11-18T01:42:00.000-06:00

Yo.
So I've been trying for like 30 minutes to get these 5 videos from Facebook on this post. BUT, I can’t...all I can do is include the link. [This will be at the bottom of the post]These guys have made a little show on facebook. It's HILARIOUS. Seriously, the shit it just too funny and I wanted to share it with my followers to get your comments. [WARNING: The following post will get a little nasty...vulgar, and if you don’t like reading about things dealing with sex...take yo ass on to the next blog. Still here? Ok, you've been warned!]Anywho in their latest episode they talked about swallowing nutt! And they said if you don’t swallow then it's their right to nutt on the girls face.

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Wait for it.......
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WTF?
Dude...are you serious? Now in this blog I try not to discuss sex so much because...well hell because I have some nosey people that I know who follow my blog. And I don’t want them all to know my business. And sex should be left behind closed doors. Left in the room with those two people. Anywho...I wish a nigga would. Like fareal. I don’t have too many limitations during sex, but that one...that one is a HELL NO. Aint gone never ever happen thing. Ugh. I’m not going to comment on the swallowing part. BUT if a female doesn’t swallow and the guy makes it his business to nutt on her face without permission...Hold on, Rewind that. If I don’t swallow and a guy makes it his business to nutt on MY face without permission [which they would never have] they better expect some damn drama. I’m getting up cutting a nigga, and the dick is gone be the first victim. This whole "cum on a bitch face" thing has always bothered me. When I watch flicks and see that shit I always have to turn away. Its sooo...Ugh, just ugh. I cringe when I see it, thinking "Ughhh, if all that was on my face...Ugh."! That's something I aint gone EVER get with. I understand making sacrifices and shit, but even if my husband wanted to do that, I couldn’t go there. No sir, you will not spill your "baby batter" [As Simone calls it] on my face. Hell no. It gets in their eyes and shit...Ugh, why do people get off seeing that? Guys? Ladies who will let it happen? Why in the hell is that a turn on?!
Anywho they also talked about how one of the top ten females lies is “I don’t suck dick.". ! I laughed sooo hard on that episode. And I hear that soo often. Now I don’t see a problem with oral. At all. But there are a lot of women who say they don’t suck dick or wont when they are in public...but soon as they behind closed doors...SMH! I almost understand where they coming from when they deny it though. "Dicksucker" is used as a degrading term. So if called one the girl automatically jumps to her defense by saying " I don’t" and blah blah blah blah. Ugh, I hate to hear it though. I mean I’m sure some of them aren’t lying...but the majority who say it...they are. Now, dont get me wrong. Some people will say " Lady's dont air their buisness". And I'm with you on that...100%. but Not answering or responding to that type of question and lying about it is totally different. [Avoid the question all together, people dont need to be in your bedroom...but dont lie about it!!]I remember once senior year this girl in class asked me and the bestie a question. She called us over to the table and said "I’m trying to tell him....Tell him black girls don’t suck dick. Don’t ya'll think that’s nasty?"...Me and the bestie looked at each other. "Well, I don’t see a problem with it." “Me either"...She looked at us and was like “Ughhh. Well, something wrong with yall, Black girls dont do that. Something wrong with us? Um...cause we being real? Because we don’t see a problem with it...something wrong with us. Where in the hell did she get "Black girls don’t suck dick."? Why is that broken down to a race thing? SO white girls are the ones known for sucking dick? Is it because they won’t easily lie about it like black women? Just sayin'....! ~~But I get where the ones who lie about it are coming from~~. One time a guy friend made a comment to a bestie about a note she wrote on facebook. In the note it had a line that said something about someone complementing her head skills...about how her head game was cold or some shit. [But the note was about love...and cheating...I think? She deleted it because some drama came from it.] And she asked the guy friend did he like her note and he said “It let everybody know you suck dick.”! Dude? Seriously...that wasn’t even the point of the note...and so fuckin’ what!! Yo girl suck yo dick on a daily and you brag about it...but when she write it...it makes her a bad person. Yea, I kinda get where girls come from when they deny that they do it. Because some people will look down on them...even some guys. Bullshit ass hypocrites. It's just sex...grow the fuck up. Anywho, this post is no offense to anything people decide to do or don’t decide to do sexually. Just letting out a few of my opinions. Yeap...until next time...TOODLES! :)

[Before clicking the links: They do discuss adult content in the video..so like I said above if you do like hearing about sex dont click on them. And ladies they do use the word "bitch"...some might find them disrespectful...! WARNED!]

Episode 1
Episode2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5

Wanna read another view on Cheating?

2009-11-17T20:39:00.000-06:00

Ok, So quick post.
If you had the time to read my post Re: In the mind of a cheater, I'd love for you guys to go check out a similar yet different view on cheating. Ms. RO over at Love, Faith, And Hope wrote a response! [She herself has never cheated! :)]...Go check out her opinion on Cheating -->*HERE*<-- ! I enjoyed it, Hope you guys will too! :) Ok, Toodles!

I'm a star in my mind....lol, Another award...{ :) }!

2009-11-17T20:20:00.000-06:00

Yo.

Guess what?....Yeap by the title you can see I got another award. I got the " I love your blog award". Isn't this so sweet? Yes, My second blog award! I'm sooo happy! :) This blog award was given to me by Neesha B. Fly over at *The Real Dish*! [<----ViSiT HER]! Her blog is a mixture of celebrity news,gossip, current events, music, fashion, arts...all with the twist of her opinion. Very interesting..not so typical like a lot of Celebrity Blogs! I love hers! Anywho Im rambling, go check her out...NOW!
Toodles!

"Um...Who are you?--Ignore that ass"

2009-11-16T16:26:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Ok, so I have a question. Why do random ass females add you as a friend on facebook? I mean really...what is their purpose. Usually I'll just ignore their request because in my mind if they are adding me I'm always like there is an underlying reason. For example: Today some girl sent me a request to be my friend. ~~[In my mind, I concocted a whole story as to why she was probably adding me.]~~ “Wtf? Who is this girl trying to be all up in my business? Hmm...Let’s check out her profile and see if I know her... [checking profile]...Nope. Don’t know her. Well it says she went to school at [Insert a local high school in my hometown], I only know a couple of girls from that school. One which I blocked from my profile. She probably adding me so that her and the girl can be all up in my shit. So that the girl I blocked has access to my business... Nope, decline that ass." <---Yeap, that’s the exact conversation that went on in my head. [...Don't judge me!] I always think they are adding me to be messy, to be nosey, and to be all up in my business. Mind you all that on facebook I have everything set to private. So if you’re not on my friends list and you see my name from someone else’s profile all you see is "Robyn Valentine" in black. You can’t see my profile picture; all you can do is send a message or a friend request. Now some random girl adding me as "Robyn Valentine"...Hmm? Is that not shady to yall. [For those who don’t know my last name is not Valentine---that’s just a 'joke' with some friends.] So why add me? Guys do this too, but I never think the same of the guys. I mean if I don’t know them I won’t add them anymore either because soon as I accept that request they send some lame ass shit to the inbox. But I always just mark the guys off, but the females?! Nope...I’m still trying to figure out why this recent girl tried to add me. I always want to message them and ask “Do I know you?"...just to see if someone is going to say “No, I saw you on someone else’s page and just wanted to be a nosey bitch." or " My homegirl dont like you and I just wanted to see who you were." Hmm, come to think of it…The reason I'm probably so on the fence about the whole situation is because I know why I add random girls I don’t know. Or why I used to. [Warning: This is an EXTREME psycho move]One time I went through my ex boyfriends list [while we were together]and added EVERYONE on his friend list that wasn’t on mine. Lol, I know that’s hella crazy but he was having wall conversations with to many people. And I wanted to see what he was saying to them, not what they were saying to him. And the only person who questioned my friendship was his cousin who lived out of state and was like “Um, do I know you?"...and I was like “Nope, just adding you from someone else’s friend list." Hmm, I’m sure she thought I was hella crazy...and she still accepted?! Hmm, crazy! Anywho, I've added girls that my friend’s exes are talking to or dating because I want to put a face with the girls my friends currently dislike. So that I can judge and see if he upgraded or not…lol! Being nosey….tisk tisk tisk. And don’t you hate it when a person you can’t stand tries to add you. Aren’t you like “Wtf? Now this bitch KNOW I don’t like her and her ass don’t like me...Why she tryna be childish--ignore that ass.” Lol, maybe that’s just my reaction. Do some girls add you sincerely to make new friends?!Just a random rant... [I have to stay off of facebook]---Toodles!
P.S-

This has nothing to do with my topic. I just thought this was funny as hell! I love lamebook. If you need a laugh definetly go check it out! They find the DUMBEST shit on fb! :)

Re: In the mind of "a cheater"

2009-11-15T06:55:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Ok, before I even state the topic at hand I know that throughout this post I will manage to sound like a complete hypocrite while contradicting almost every statement I make. But hopefully by the end of the post you will at least understand MY OPINION. ! Ok, so today I am basically responding to Bubbles over at irant. idance. iwrite. She recently wrote a post titled "In the mind of a cheater"[See it *HERE*] and I would like to respond. I'm sure people will disagree...all the more reason to comment! :) ! She discussed why cheaters cheat and her whole point of view on cheating. Now I feel compelled to discuss mine. Now in no way do I condone cheating. At all, get that straight before I start to express any feeling on the topic.

So...Why do cheaters cheat? Why did I cheat? <--- [Her first question]
Well there are two reasons that cheaters cheat. It is either an emotional need or a physical need. People tend to say the reasons are based on the gender, but cheating is not to be narrowed down to a gender. Men cheat. Women cheat. People...People just cheat. Both reasons can be broken down into many things. The cheater could be lacking what they need from their partner emotionally: attention, affection, communication...etc. OR the total opposite. The cheater could be getting emotionally smothered by their partner where they just need room to breathe. Thus comes the third person [the person the cheater cheats with]. That person might give them all the compliments in the world, might make time for them when their partner seems to never have any. OR could be the one that doesn’t bother them, the one who gives them as much space as possible, an outlet when the person feels smothered in the relationship...etc. A physical need? The cheater's partner could be lacking in the sex department, isn’t willing to do certain things, just plain boring...etc. OR the person could LOVE their partner’s sex and just yearn for more, looking for "Ms. Right now","Ms. How I like it","Ms. No-strings". Basically being just to be fucking. I could go on forever and ever on reasons why people cheat. But moving on...Why did I cheat?
Hmmm, well like Ms.Bubbles said "I don’t know." I don’t know meaning...things were going well in the relationship but one night I slipped he wasn’t there and I was horny. Simple and as plain as that...meaning "It just happened." people always ask “How the fuck does that just happen?"...Well, you’re in a room with someone...your hormones are all over the place...and you know you want sex. [Right here is your place to be strong enough to walk away or like I was told "not put yourself in this situation in the first place"] But since I already had put myself there when the touching and shit started happening...IT JUST HAPPENED. Plain. Simple. I fought the urge...but still it happened. I asked the first person who cheated on me “What the fuck do you mean it just happened? Did I not cross your mind? Was it not enough to stop you from fucking her?"...and when I cheated I asked myself the same question. And sadly...I did think about him, I thought about him before, I thought about him during, I thought about him after...after while I cried. I thought about him the whole way. Why didn’t my thoughts stop me...why didn’t they stop me from hurting him? Because...I knew what I wanted, what it felt like I NEEDED that night to feel better. I knew that I was a bad person.
So why did I cheat?--Because that night I lacked self-control...because that night all I wanted was pleasure....and he was not there to give it to me.

Now people say once a cheater always a cheater. Well...I will not cheat again. Because it honestly destroyed me. It destroyed me as a person, and left me in a place where I never want to be again. It got to a point where I felt like I was begging him to stay with me "Give me another chance" and all that dumb bullshit I used to hate to see other girls do. And if you know me...you know that that is nowhere in Robyn's character to be that typical bitch. Nowhere...But because I knew I was in the wrong...because I knew I had so much to contribute to the breakup I felt like it was my job to fix the pain, no matter if I had to beg and plead. “Let’s crawl back to love.” ...When really fuck that, I don’t advise any woman to go there...let it be, let him beg you. When I say I cried my life into a puddle, it's no joke. Seconds after the cheating he called me. It was 4 in the morning. He called saying “So...you weren’t going to call me to say goodnight?"...Immediately tears rolled down my face, it took everything out of me to not break down and tell him how much of a bad person I was...and how he deserved better. It took so much out of me. I was crying outside listening to him talk about how much he loved me...and that he was sitting waiting for me to call. And wtf was I doing? Fucking someone of no importance to me. Just for that temporary high. Temporary highs lead to drastic lows. Later when we broke up he was admitting how he cheated and how it was bothering him to keep secrets from me and how bad he felt...and I thought I owed him the same honesty. So I told him, it hurt him. I felt...words can’t describe that hurt. After asking me why did I cheat and me answering it just happened, he said “See, you’re not giving me a reason. You say it won’t happen again but how could I stop it from happening again if there isn’t reason. I mean you could have said 'because it was Tuesday' and I would make it my business to stay on the phone w/ you 24 hours on Tuesdays. But you not having a reason...how could I fix that? What about the next time you’re horny and I’m not there?"...Wow. All I could say was “It won’t happen again."...he made a valid point. He shut any apology that I ever gave down. If you didn’t have a reason...what would stop you from cheating the next time? Because next time I WILL have self control...I will always remember that cheating damn near destroyed me.
Her next question was: What if you [the person being cheated on] cheated? Wouldn’t you want your mate to take you back?
Basically put yourself in their shoes. Well I'll give you my scenario. Once he told me he cheated...I was willing to take him back. I was willing to work with him through the flaws...I was willing to be there, and would have been willing even if I hadn’t cheated. [Love makes you do and accept some dumb ass shit.]His reaction to this was " I don’t think anyone has showed me they loved me this much, maybe [enter ex girlfriend before me name here], but not even she showed that she loved me this much. One day I am going to marry you." Sounds like he was happy right?...Now minutes later after I confessed it all changed. “Bye Robyn, just bye." and "Since you look at cheating as not such a big idea idk if I would want to marry anyone like that." BAM! POW. And all those other action words that would describe what was being done to my heart at the time. I was so confused. I mean here I was ready to work with you through your problem [because you cheated well over one time] and you could not/would not accept my one time cheating. Damn, should've kept my mouth shut. I do think cheating is a big deal...it's a huge deal actually. Anywho, putting myself in my partners shoes since I've cheated before...Would I take someone else back if they cheat on me? Ask the person who cheated "If I cheated on you...would you take me back?" If they say yes...proceed to make up a story about how you cheated [make it seem as real as possible]...just to get their REAL reaction, and go from there. If he/she was actually willing to be there with you sincerely, tell them you lied to get their reaction. And maybe those who would accept you...MAYBE they deserve ONE more chance, those who are like fuck you...then fuck them!
"I can say that cheaters don't mean to cheat. We don't go out of our way to hurt the people who love us."- Bubbles
With all of that said...give me your opinion on this whole thing?! I'd love to hear both sides...no matter what! :)! Toodles!

Hacking Update :)!

2009-11-15T04:26:00.000-06:00

Yo.
Ok, first things first. I think they hacked my blog as well. In the friendship post it had a section about the added girl to our group. About how she went through a lot of bullshit with our "clique"...how we as a group were the definition of triflin towards her, and how I felt kind of bad about it. Being childish and all. And somhow that whole section came up missing..ANYWHO i found a way to "hack" into their [my best friends] profiles. Well one of their profiles on facebook. And it wouldnt really be what i consider hacking[more like identity theft!]. i had to go through a looong process where I could basically get her WHOLE account transferred over to my email account...lol! Making it so that she could NEVER log onto her account again..and couldnt even change the password..cause if she did it would come to my email address not her's. How you might ask?...Well since I know she's reading....it's a secret. BUT I only can do it for one of them...and thats not the one I want to get back. Nope. So until I'm able to get the other ones information and all that jazz...I will let by-gone's be by-gones. I dont care about any of their info..I just want payback! :) ! ..lol, ok Toodles!

...the mind of THE Corrupt Dreamer ♥

Him again...

The importance of titles...

Can I tell you something?...

Love, move over...

Some of us are just vain...

In my moments of craziness...

Hold the fuck up...am I the bottom bitch?

No thanks, I'll pass on being the "skinny" bitch...

Maybe HE taught me for someone else...

I'm back....again. (But forreal this time)

So you want to be a house nigger?...

Addicted. Just another nympho freak.

Counting down the days...

All I can seem to write about is him...

Excuse me, I'm just venting...

Letter to MY {Love}-r:

I know....I need to get out of my damn feelings!

No more excuses...

I know I've been gone, but I need you!

Blogger Quote of the Week : Keenya

Flaw #2: Shallow Bitch

Phone Sex :X..blah!

Blogger Quote of the Week : Tzitzi

Hello, My name is Random, Bytch :x

He say/She say bullshit...

Stupid Facebook Drama!

[-Surprise-]: Welcome, Formspring, Blogger Quote..and all that jazz

10 to 1

I'm just so tired.

Random: Love?

I'm too vulgar....in MY blog?

Dear Worrisome Fuck-ups:

ONE WORD...Tag!

Let me speak hood to you..

Withdrawals are a BITCH!

Update: Funeral and My Shawty

TTYL Daddy:

Tat that pussy up...wth?

Just one of those days...

Super quick update:

Fw:Flaw #1

...Flawed Barbie --->

Dear Mother:

Whats the difference?

Doug E Fresh...

Continuing the "fuckage" after the breakup...

More Awards :)!

Letter to My Ex, Next..and all that good shit in between!

Sex Game Proper ;)

...

I'm back bitches! :)

Fw:Mini Update! :)

i LOVE you Granny! :)

Who Dat say they gone beat them Saints...Well I'm sure my boys said it...BITCHES! :x

Would you like my finger for assistance? Fuck you bruh!

ElfYourself! :)

TMi?...Naw, It's just an award! :x

*--Interrupting my regularly scheduled program--*

Just a bunch of Random ish...

Sick of Award post?...Sorry I cant help it :)!

I just dont understand...

Another Award? ...They really love me :)!

Dear Cowboys:

Just another Simple Bitch & Her Barbie Idolization!

Don't go snooping...you bound to find some shit!

Happy Turkey Day! :)

Just Wondering...

Quick Weekend Recap

" Yea babe, you can fuck my best friend! " <--- PART 2!!! [Guest Blogger]

" Yea babe, you can fuck my best friend! "

You wanna put that WHERE?

Wanna read another view on Cheating?

I'm a star in my mind....lol, Another award...{ :) }!

"Um...Who are you?--Ignore that ass"

Re: In the mind of "a cheater"

Hacking Update :)!

--Interrupting my regularly scheduled program--